Avoiding Burn Out??

[Mary Beth]

Rod and I have been talking about it. Of course he thinks I should keep it since someday it will be a very good income in our retirement years. That would be fine with me, I shouldn't be spreading myself so thin, hopefully. So, as it stands today, she will just sit there. I still have a couple of customer quilts in house and my one little customer that is 84, that makes the best quilts has one ready for me to pick up. I will quilt her quilt just because I love her to pieces. After the customer quilts are finished, then I will quilt when I want to and not when I don't, even if my down time is months and months. I want to spend some time making some dresses and summer clothes for Haylee and just doing other things out of the basement.

I'm not sure I will ever stop posting. You can't keep a total like 8571 posts and not keep going Oh, and I am planning to throw another couple of challenges out there, one for Circle Lord, one for creative custom quilting. Although, I won't be able to offer prizes like Michael can.

Thank you guys for your words of wisdom and ideas to keep me from going crazy I do appreciate you all.

[LadyLake]

Last week on my birthday, I decided to do what I wanted instead of jumping around trying to get everything I was supposed to get done, done. I worked on piecing a miniature wall quilt all day, and resisted the temptation to get up and do other things. It was so relaxing and I actually felt good -- enjoyed the squirrels coming out of hibernation in the backyard and the beauty of the trees, as I sewed.

I don't think the key is to sell your machine, Mary Beth -- you are too talented for that. I recently read a book called, Driven to Distration, and the main tip I gleened from the book to help me was to do 'pattern scheduling.' In other words, schedule a time for those things you want to do on a regular basis and follow your schedule. Don't wake up everyday without any structure (or every night after work) and wonder what it is you should do first. Structuring your time seems to be the echo I hear from people that have found a solution to being overwhelmed.

As far as having a $20,000 machine in your basement, view it as the 'investment' that it is -- same as a savings account, stock or a house. It retains its value very well. It wasn't something you bought that immediately lost all value.

[Quilting Heidi]

Mary Beth you have received great advice. I'd think about it this way too, if you were to sell your machine and when you do retire and had time to quilt again how much would you have to invest again to get what you wanted? You would loose a lot of money in the sale, based on purchase price vs selling price and that wouldn't be easy to do on a fixed income that you would have from retiring. I struggle with working full-time, quilting for others and just all the other duties that I have. Now that I have Madie it makes it even harder to get it all done and I have struggled but I stand firm. I have amy waiting list of customers and I call them when they're up. I did loose one customer who I have the feeling would have been very stressful but I do what I can. I explain to my customers that this is my 2nd job and if they are willing to wait I'll be happy to do their quilts for them. I find that I put more pressure on myself!!!! My guess is you do the same thing. About 15 years ago one of my friends taught me that it is ok to Just say NO! She was right and I stopped getting myself in to the position of getting everything done for everybody but myself! You too can do this! Concentrate on what is important at the moment, family & yourself and let everything else come in 2nd!

[juliagraves]

I completely agree with Shana about men and their toys. They don't think - oh, I need to start a business and take people out on charter fishing trips to pay for my boat! They think, I want to have fun and I'm worth it.

That being said, I completely agree that achieving balance is very difficult to do. When I first started my longarm rental business, I took renters whenever they wanted to come. I work fulltime at another job, and sometimes I had people coming 6 nights a week, and 2 on Saturdays. I had absolutely no time for myself. Now I only take renters on T, Th, and either Sa or Su, and I take one full weekend off a month. I got a second machine and I am booked with two renters almost every available space. I feel like I have a lot more control over my time.

If you are booked up more than 2-3 months, you need to raise your rates.

Julia

[lisalnewman]

Mary Beth

I am so glad that you came to that conclusion!!!!!!

I am trying to arrange a flight (air miles) to MQS and when I get there I am most definitely planning on meeting you.

Thanks for the advice you have given me it has been really appreciated and I would miss your humor and wisdom if you left this longarm community.

Enjoy your new found freedom and may it renew your love of quilting.:)

Take care,

Lisa:)

[ReisingStarQuilts]

Mary Beth, I too went thru a severe burnout. I was working fulltime as an RN, quilting with a long waiting list. Then had an injury that put me out of commission in quilting and nursing. I sold my Milli! I was so depressed over that decision. Since then, during my recovery I purchased Lenni and now my Ult.1. I just lately started taking in customer quilts again. The word has gotten out and I have had many phone calls to do their quilts, but I refer them to my friends. I will stick to my guns on this!! I will quilt for me first--then take in quilts on my time, with a 2 month turn around. I am now enjoying quilting again for myself and my customers without feelings of guilt!! Burnout is such a painful process. The guilt we can place on ourselves for the money we have invested and we feel we have to keep the machine running all the time. NOT... Your machine is an investment. Prices go up. Just think what it will cost to replace her when you are ready to retire. I expect to see your continued expert advice here!! If you are ever in Paducah please let me know, would love to meet you.

[meg]

Good for you, MaryBeth. I think keeping your machine is the right thing for the moment. You can aways sell it later if you don't ever feel like getting back to it. And now that you have given yourself permission to 'enjoy' quilting again, I bet you will be feeling like getting back to it one of these days. If not, of well. At least you havent made a hasty decision.

I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but once you get thru this difficult spot, I bet you will be so much better for it.

As women, we can put so much pressure on ourselves. It becomes a way of life...almost an internal competition to see how much we can cram into a day. Most women i know have trouble finding a happy medium between being productive and robotic. Good for you for realizing that you were making yourself unhappy and getting on with it!

And, on a personal note, I'm glad you'll still be around. I would've missed your good advice and hysterical humor.

I wish you only happiness! meg

[quiltmonkey]

Originally posted by meg

...........I'm glad you'll still be around. I would've missed your good advice and hysterical humor.....

Me too! Love you, MB!

[ffq-lar]

Great news, Mary Beth!

[RoseCity Quilter]

Mary Beth, as a realative newbie, I have enjoyed your posts found our advice very helpful. So reading tonight about your burnout has made be so sad. I have a close friend who burnt out teaching about 2 years ago, so I know all about how devastating it is. Take care of yourself now and you will get well again. Thinking about you and keeping you in my prayers.

[stitchinsally]

Even though I had high hopes that I would be busy with quilting it just never seemed to happen so, reading Mary Beth's post about having the machine just sit there really hit a spot. At leastin the basement you didn't always have see the machine. Originally, the only room in our house the machine would fit was my dining room. Last yr we moved it to the attached garage and I love having my dining room space back as I've always loved to entertain. And the quilting - though I keep hearing people complain of a years backlog for getting their quilts done, I just do what I get in, enjoy doing charity quilts for 1 group and yea, maybe let one of my own quilts sit on the machine for 2 weeks before it is completed. But, quilting has never taken the place of spending time with hubby and our other enjoyments. You'll never get that time back. Good post to be reading.

[Janette]

Mary-Beth

Things always feel worse when you are sick and tired. If I were you I would take a few days sick leave, catch up on my sleep, and everything will seem very different when you are healthy and alert again. When I am that tired and stressed, I cry for a tiny crisis when it is not really the tiny crisis I am crying about, it is the build up of many !!

I hope you don't sell your machine (I don't think you are now right?) because you seem to enjoy it so much.

Like everyone has said already, balance is such a juggling act to achieve 100% and most women (funny not so many men !!!) suffer the juggle most of their working and parenting life !!!

We can't have everything, and things suffer as a consequence if you are pulled in all directions. (I need to take my own advice here)!

Take care and keep smiling !!

[njquiltergirl]

Hi Meg (My fellow Jersey Girl):

I agree completely when you posted:

"...an internal competition to see how much we can cram into a day..."

When I walk into a room, or go back downstairs from a day of quilting for others (working), all I see is what has to be done and am in a rush/panic to get it done! My DH just walks right past it and continues to do what ever he had in mind.

Yikes. I think I have to re-think this. Get some horse blinders or something!!!

Love the support and understanding on this chat. Glad to see it has helped so many.

Mary Beth: how about a "challenge" of quilts we do for our selves??? The due date could be the 4th of July...Independence Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa

APQS Liberty

NW NJ

[meg]

hi lisa -

thanks for bringing up this post. it seems to have hit a spot for many. i know it hit a spot in me - not in quilting, but in other areas.

it's hard to remember sometimes, but, it is true.

'if you don't take care of yourself, how will you ever be able to take care of everything else?'

[LinneaMarie]

Or, "if mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!" hahaha

[quiltmonkey]

Originally posted by LinneaMarie "If mama ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"

So true.

So true.

Sooooo TRUE!!!

Ask daddy! He will agree....

[njquiltergirl]

Hi Meg and all -

A friend gave me a book a couple of years ago, but I never took the time to time to read it. I was about to return it to her today (feeling a tad embarassed for not reading it yet) and scanned through some pages when something really caught my eye. It talked about having **amnesia** for all our past painful relationships, events, what-ever. It really hit me, just forget about that stuff and have some fun for today. As you said, take care of yourself. So I decided to keep the book to really read it.

So, for today, let's all take care of our selves...we'll be better quilters for it!

Lisa

APQS Liberty

NW NJ

[Zora]

I think we, as women, need to give ourselves permission to not be able to "do it all." When I was working full-time, my house wasn't as clean as I'd have liked. I spent all day Saturday and Sunday doing laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, etc. I finally decided "I can't do it all, and that's OK."

I got a cleaning lady to come in twice a month....not that expensive, and worth every penny. I put my husband in charge of getting some things done. There is a Pizza Hut on every corner in every town, and picking up a pizza on his way home from work once a week was not going to kill him. Our son loved it.

We only had one child, so we were not running in every direction with a lot of after-school activities, but friends with larger families put thier kids in charge of some of their own lives. (Yes, you can play on the soccer team, but only if we can arrange carpooling with your buddies and their parents.)

Every holiday doesn't have to be a major production on your part. Your family will not die, and they will not even remember, that you didn't make home-made pumpkin pie every Thanksgiving.

None of these things will cure your quilting burnout, but taking a step back might allow you to once again enjoy your quilting.

My heart aches for you. Best wishes.

[Linda G. Craig]

MB, you have received some super advice, advice we can all use. I too have suffered burn out, not from quilting, but from another work aspect in my life. I just want you to know that I offer my love and support to you today and always. You have sooooo many friends here and I know you must feel everyone reaching out. This is something that REALLY helped me, not a cure all, but a very big help. I took up walking. Nope not on a treadmill, but outside. It gave me time to take deep breaths, time to clear my overloaded brain, and get those healthy chemicals flowing in my mind and body. I can't believe what a change it made in my life. It was really hard to get out there, I would much rather have pulled a quilt over my head and stayed in bed, so I had to push myself forward and get outside. Whatever you do for yourself, do it for yourself. Life is much to short and we need to enjoy every minute as best we can. Take care of yourself, MB. ((((HUGS)))

[meg]

Linda -

you are really onto something here - exercise is GREAT - but getting out into the sun - even if its just peeking thru the clouds - really helps to lift you up!

[Mary Beth]

Linda,

You are right about walking outside. I love it!! The weather here has kept me from getting outside, so yesterday during my lunch I was able to get out and walk about the block and each parking lot around the building...so it is about 1 mile. All my fat started itching At one point I looked down at my arms and they were red...I thought...Oh my gosh, my blood hasn't pumped through my veins in so long my skin doesn't know what to do!! It really did feel good to walk. Of course today we wake up to several inches of snow and more on the way all day....Please come on spring....

[meg]

so it is about 1 mile. All my fat started itching At one point I looked down at my arms and they were red...I thought...Oh my gosh, my blood hasn't pumped through my veins in so long my skin doesn't know what to do!!

marybeth - laughing so hard at this one - cause i have always wondered what caused that 'first brisk walk of the season itching'.

now i know..its all my fat :P:D:P:D

[Robin]

Mary Beth,

Ditto on Lisa's comment. Whatever you decide you need to pop in on the forum every once in a while cuz we would all miss you so!

[elkayr]

Hey Mary Beth,

No matter what your passion is, there can be burn-out. I did genealogy for 10 yrs & loved it. Unfortunately, my passion for genealogy led to burn-out. Maybe it was an obsession for me! Of course, I still have all of the "notebooks" on all of the families. I also did this with leather working. I still have all of my tools & will get back to it...but for now, my passion for quilting is keeping me going. If you decide to sell later, you can always come back. Nothing is forever! For me, it seems that it's the challenge to conquer a hobby. Once I become good at it...I'm ready to move on.

[GrandmaLKB]

I told myself a long time ago that I didn't want my hobby of quilting to become a burden and no fun any more. I do some quilts for others, but not as a full time business. To be honest, I get so nervous working on someone else's quilt and afraid I will botch it somehow. Fortunately, nothing I have had so far was any "award winning" quilts that I could ruin. I enjoy quilting for ME, our quilt guild, my Mom. There are some days I don't want to quilt at all and other days I can go all day long. I don't want to HAVE to be quilting.

Sorry to hear you are burned out Mary Beth. Good advice has been given..............step back, take a break from the "business" and just enjoy your own quilting projects. I have so many projects that I want to make that I will need to live to be 120 and then I probably won't get them all done. Those darn quilt magazines keep coming in the mail with such neat ideas !!!!