PamelaA Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 Heidi, You are certainly in my prayers along with your mother. I had double knee replacement seven years ago and it was the best decision I made. The technology and technique has changed a lot since my knees were done and the whole experience is a lot better. My sister's MIL is 88 and had one of her knees replaced recently. The only thing that she is sorry about is that she waited so long to have it done. Her other knee is no where near as bad as the one replaced but she is already asking about having it done. As for you brother and SIL, I am pretty sure I have a shovel too and would be glad to help out. ((((HUGS)))) Pamela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigletaz Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 Ok, I have the other end of the spectrum on mothers - my mother won't get proper medical attention and my brothers are completely passive about getting her to the doctor. I also have a question about knee replacement, I am just 43 years old and I have arthritis in both knees already (from playing sports as a kid and I inherited it too). I know one knee is worse than the other, when do you make the decision to replace the knee - when you can't walk anymore or should I be more proactive and get it done before it's so bad I can barely function. I'm wondering what health insurance will do, make me wait, etc. Just curious what the general concensus is about how long to wait. I am fully functional now with the exception of a few mornings a month where I have trouble getting started. I can tell already that stairs are going to be a big problem in my later life. Thanks for any knee replacement input you can provide! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 I have a friend who is 82 years old. He got a knee replacement last year. He recovered and is doing very well! Except now he has a case of the shingles and that has knocked him sideways. One of my coworkers got both knees done this summer -- at the same time! He is walking around now like he's a brand new man! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 Heidi, I know your brother has some sort of "issue" with him self. But try to rise above it all, my dear friend, and keep your focus on the end goal, not the immediate drama. Your mom is the main focus, not the brother and his ego. Take lots of deep breaths. You are a good daughter. Remind yourself of that when you need to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 My mother has diabetes and has for years. She takes insulin shots 3 times a day. She also has sharkoneuropothy in her legs, heart disease, high blood pressure and has been doing dialysis 3 times a week for three or four years. My mother had both of her knees completely redone a few years ago. She had no problems with the surgery. After leaving the hospital she went straight home and home health came and helped her with therapy. She also took a machine home to help with the therapy when hh wasn't there. I don't think my mother has ever regretted doing the surgeries. She recently fell and broke her ankle so we are waiting on her to heal and hopefully we can get a kidney transplant done. I'm still finishing up the final tests to be the donor for her. Feel free to email me if you would like to keep in touch about the situation. Best of luck!! Kelly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted November 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 Kelly, Thank you so much for sharing! I'm sure that will make mom feel better. I think surgery is a risk no matter and we just have to make sure we have a good doctor that we have faith and trust in. I'll be glad when it is all over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennan100 Posted November 6, 2008 Report Share Posted November 6, 2008 Heidi, Think of it like this: Hysterectomies & joint replacements - you'll wonder why you waited so long to be so happy! :D:D Ok, this is me behaving myself now...:cool: DB, I'm just southwest of Houston in Alvin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PamelaA Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 Pigletaz, I sent you a U2U. Pamela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lym95 Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 In my family, I'm the oldest sibling, but we don't assign parent-care duties as to who was born first. I'm terrible at dealing with things like sickness and hospitalization so my three sisters are always who get that call first. Thank God! When the plumbing backs up, or Mom needs a cabinet built, or Dad's tractor's ammeter quits working, that's when I'm first on the 'call list'. It seems to me that the quality of parent care goes up when the right person is in charge of the job. It also makes parents extremely happy to see their children live in harmony with each other. Heidi, here's to you and your diplomatic skills. I know it can be tough, but hopefully your example will make your brother see the light! MrMargie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted November 7, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 MrMargie, Thanks. I can hope my diplomatic skills will work on my brother but honestly I doubt it. It has been 3 days since my brother told my mother that if she gets this done she will loose her leg and "I" can help her pick out a pretty new color artificial leg. My brother will not answer my calls or my mothers. I'm so tickedat him right now that I would probably just slap him if I saw him. I don't know why he thinks he's helping. The added stress he is causing just makes me sick. I am not against her getting a second opinion but I feel like she should do what is right for her. Just got a call from my mom and she has canceled her surgery for now and will try to get a 2nd opinon. I don't mind her getting a 2nd opinion at all but the bottom line it is my mother's decision and he should not be bullied into making a decision. As of right now they may end up doing 2 surgeries which I'm totally against. The first one would be to go in and clean out the joint and the problem with the meniscus and the 2nd one would be to do the partial replacement. I think it is better to just do one or the other but not both. We'll see. At least now my brother may talk to my mother. Some days it would be so much easier to be an only child! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lym95 Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 Yeah well, sometimes a slap is just the only thing that works... Margie has a baby brother who moved back in with his mom the night their dad died and has been sponging off her for the last three years. It probably won't end either. My DMIL thinks this poor little guy (44 years old) has been mistreated all his life and just hasn't had the "opportunities" everyone else has had so he'll probably end up with the whole estate :mad: Margie says that he won't have it long, cause she's going to kill him! Okay, enough dirty laundry airing. I don't usually do that, but siblings can be frustrating at times, especially when parents take up for them. mrmargie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennan100 Posted November 7, 2008 Report Share Posted November 7, 2008 Heidi, You are using wisdom, bravo! This will all get worked out. The second opinion is a great idea. I know your mother just wants the paid to stop so she can get on with her life. It's really hard feeling like your life is over just because you can't jump up and run around like you used to. You are doing really well, and brother will realize it later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted November 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 Mr Margie, LOL I have a baby brother like that too! My mother is very old fashion and believes boys are "different" and they have it so much harder. Whenever I get upset about stuff they do she says to me "You're different cause your a girl." She even goes so far as to give the grandsons more at graduation than the girls! She didn't do that to my son & daughter because I told her if she did my son would split the difference with his sister! My son was horrified that she would even think to do that. My brothers are both alcoholics and all that goes with that. It is very frustrating but I'm just not going to stoop to their level. When my father died I called my oldest brother who had not spoken to him for almost 22 years and nobody even knows why. Anyway my brother didn't want to say goodbye, didn't come to the funeral and when I asked him if there was anything he wanted (not much of anything left) he told he no but called back to say that if there was money left he wanted his 3rd!!!!! Just disgusting. Now the man goes up to my fathers grave on Veteran's Day and Memorial Day and my mother says he is a dream because he does! I'm just so glad that I'm not like my brothers. I had some good role models that always looked out for me and showed me the way. God looked out for me for sure. Kenna - Yes 2nd opinion is good. Brother however will never realize anything. This will just fluff his feathers and make him feel like his hissy fit made her change her mind. It is all a control thing with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnHenry Posted November 8, 2008 Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 Dear Heidi; I'm sorry for your family mess. The first mistake, of course, was that your mother should first and only have talked with your brother instead of the wife; but that's water under the bridge now. Your brother is being very immature in not discussing the situation, and particularly refusing to discuss it with his mother, but you need to understand that he is afraid, and men don't handle fear well. Some men know how to express only two emotions--happiness and anger--and he doesn't know what to do about fear, so he is running and hiding. He has chosen to absent himself from the situation, because he doesn't know how to deal with his fear. As long as you and others keep trying to involve him, that puts him in the position of control. Take back your power. Leave him alone. Ignore him. Give him no information. Pretend he doesn't exist. The rest of you civilized ones deal with the situation. When his curiosity gets the better of him, he'll come out. A second opinion is always a good idea. An intelligent, sincere doctor is not unhappy when you do that, because if a colleague disagrees with them, it presents your doctor with a learning experience that benefits all their future patients. Dear Heidi, now that I have your attention, I want to thank you again for the advice you gave me regarding the error message I got when I was trying to load a picture here. You were the one who told me that the error message I got was because I was using characters in my picture titles and/or folder titles. I am now in the process of building a website, and guess what? The same thing happened when I tried to add a picture! Not the exact same error message, of course, but "an error message when I tried to add a picture" which immediately set off alarm bells. Because of you, I knew exactly where to look for the problem, and there it was, a # sign, three folders back, but in the path, of course. As soon as I removed the # character, the picture loaded. I can figure out lots of things on my own, but I know that I never, never, never would have figured out that problem, so I will be forever grateful to you for sharing that one tiny piece of information. Blessings all over your body! And your Mom, too. And to Kelly, the condition is Charcot neuropathy, named after the doctor who figured out the diagnosis, in case you want to Google it. And now I'll take off my Dr. Phil hat and put on my astrologer's cap and advise her to schedule the surgery during the time of a new moon (new beginnings, new projects). Never have surgery during the full moon because there is a tendency for more bleeding then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted November 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2008 AnnHenry, You are right it is that he is afraid. My mother is afraid too because she witnessed my brother cutting my father out of his life and she knows that he will do what he says if that is what he really wants. I can't count how many times he has threatened to cut me out of his life but honestly I don't think he could handle that because I'm about the only one that ever recognizes that his problems came from a lot of baggage. Where we disagree is how one deals with that baggage! He will cool down and I've not tried to call him back since trying the first time. My mother won't quit trying and it is just making her sick. That is really what gets me so upset. I can't imagine my child ever acting like that and thankfully I don't think I'll ever find out! I'm afraid my family saga's will never go away but I don't choose to let them get me down. I'll always be here for my family but I will not let them bring me down to their level! Not to worry. I'm so glad that I was able to help you! That always makes my day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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