Bonnie Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 I'm with Shana here....Not all of us can find the right guy at age 18 like I did...and marry at 19 and still be arm candy to the dude after 35 years. I feel so lucky, but I would much rather them wait and be a bit picky or not marry the first guy that walks into the room regardless of pedigree. AND that same thing goes for the guys as well. My BIL just got married at age 53 for the first time...can't stand his wife, but I'm not the one who is living with her. Sometimes I wonder if Amy my daughter didn't grab the first one through the door because she was scared of being alone...I don't see love there, but I do see fear of being alone. They have been married now 12 years, but I don't think they love each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matildanme Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Originally posted by IBQLTN2 I wonder how these children from broken homes are going to be able to have loving, committed relationships when they grow up, when they never have seen it in their lifetime. /quote] Don't be too concerned. My Hubby and I both came from 'broken' homes and we are still together after 22 years of wedded bliss. I think because of our backgrounds we both had a better idea of what to do and what not to do to make it work. so far so good. I got lucky and picked the right guy to begin with but takes two to make it last. I try not to take things for granted though as you never know what tomorrow brings Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matildanme Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 oops I posted in the quote box Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Beth Posted March 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 My parents have been married for...what did I say 62 years. I didn't think they were going to make it long enough for me to graduate high school. They did. My first marriage lasted 8 years, but it was a hellish 8 years. I had to decide what would be worse my kids growing up watching me be abused every day, or going through a divorce. I wish with all my heart that I had made better choices picking my spouse, but I was in a hurry....I was graduating from high school, my parents were fighting, I didn't know what to do after high school, and someone came along that paid me some attention (I never dated in high school). Eight years later, seven time filing for a divorce, I finally went through with it. It was a very, very difficult thing for my kids. My son grew up to be exactly like his dad, but if you tell him that he gets mad. My daughter, Jen, is more like me, only she speaks her mind...She was terrified to get married. She didn't want to go through a divorce. She finally did get married, but it was really a difficult decision for her. But they are in it to stay. Yep, I think it is hard for kids from divorce to have "committed relationships", but I have seen a lot of kids from "regular families" that have lots of problems too. I would never put a kid through a divorce again. So I tried my best to teach my kids how to pick "the right one" when they were growing up and how to be "the right one" for their spouse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Mary Beth, You are so right in that you have to pick the right one! I came from a home of domestic abuse and my parents waited until I got married to divorce, not any better!!!!! I vowed that my children would never grow up with that and I hadn't planned on getting married young! Go figure. I met my husband my junior year of HS. I doubled up and became a senior. We started dating in Jan. and got engaged the night of our senior prom. We were married 9 months later (no baby for 2 more years)!!!! I think it took me 6 - 8 years to realize that he wasn't going to turn into a grizzly bear and attack. I remember very well when I discovered it. In my house you fought for survival and if you didn't you would get eaten alive. Most days I got eaten! LOL I am the certified family peace maker and after 40 + years I don't want the job or the pressure of it! Mom still thinks that I can fix my brothers. Unfortunately I can't. They too took after dad and drink a lot and it will probably blow their liver up just like it did to my Dad's at age 63! It was a horrible way to die and it makes me crazy that they will repeat the same things. Mom is a classic enabler and because she puts up with it they keep it up. I can't handle it and won't! My hubby went through a drinking phase when the kids were little and I told him I would never live like that. It was us or the bottle, his call! He chose us. He drinks socially and I don't have a problem with that at all. I do too but it is when you have to have it every day and then lunch and finally breakfast that I have a problem with. I'm glad that I won't put up with that. As you all know my daughter recently called off her Sept. Wedding plans. My mother had a fit because we had bought the dress and had deposits for photographers and catering but I told her that I was proud of her for making a very hard decision and I trust that she knew something wasn't right! My mother still thinks she should have gone through with it because she had committed!!!!! Not me. I'm proud of her for making a very difficult and grown-up decision. I don't want her to ever settle. She is only 24 so she has lots of time to find the right man for her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IBQLTN2 Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Bravo to each and everyone who has made the best of either good or not so good situations. we are not usually in control of the hands we are dealt to play, but how we choose to play them makes all the difference. Once you get to adulthood the choice is yours as how you are going to live your life. I have decided that is where I have to leave it with my kids. I taught them the things that were important to me about family and if they make a choice away from that then that is not my fault. After a short bad marriage my daughter has been very picky on finding the right guy this time and she thinks she has finally found him, it has taken her almost ten years and she wants a family so she better hurry up as her biological clock is ticking. She was not going to rush into anything and make the same mistake twice. So I agree, take your time and be sure this time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyLynn Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 I have to chuckle when I read these responses. My son, 28 years old and an only child, was home over Christmas. I told him that we needed to go to a local resturant so he could meet MY future daughter-in-law. He goes "Well, okay" we did not make so he could meet the gal I always tell I want her for my DIL. I did tell her one day, that I always tell my son, that someday he will meet that very special gal and she is just going to LOVE his mother. This little gal says to me, "well we are half way there". I told her, that is why I want her for my DIL. But I am a firm believer in if it is suppose to happen, than it will. So I will keep trying to get these two together. This a.m. I need to talk to her dad, he is my CPA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neher-in-law5 Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Renee, As much as you (or your daughter) may want her to have a family, she may get her family like my step-mom did hers. My parents were married 43 years when Mom died from kidney failure from diabetes. Dad met Grandma Jackie and married her a few years later. She was 63 for her first marriage and got 8 kids. She says she got a family the best way, they were all raised! Most of us were married with kids already. I am still amazed that after more than 20 years she still comes back to MN for the summers to spend here since Dad died after only 2.5 years of their marriage. She still chooses to be with us. God is so good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 And Grandma Jackie was blessed with you and your family....now I need to go find the tissues.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neher-in-law5 Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Thanks, we like her. I get to go see her in CA in a week or so, with the three other living sisters. I always found it a good interesting that the second wife of my brother-in-law (sister died young) asked me to go with her to CA and stayed with Grandma Jackie for a week when she was having a bad time. All three related only by choice, no blood! The sil has two sisters of her own, one a twin, and she asked the family of the husband's first wife!! But I got 3 nephews out of that marriage to go with the first two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renae Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 You are so right! It will happen some day, her father and I just have to be patient and she is picky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.