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I seem to have lost the post I made today, which showed up when I posted it and later when I  checked on it, but is gone now.


Did I offend anyone by asking what they would do in a certain circumstance?


If so I profusely appologize.


Or was it just not acceptable?





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Check on your profile page to see if the post was just pushed back when all the spam was removed. 

It's possible that when Admin removed the spam they removed your post as well. Usually someone reports the spam and if no one comments further it's put back in line according to the last acceptable post. Maybe you had posted after the "report" and they removed all posts after the spam. Can you post your contribution again?

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Today this doesn't seem to bother me much.  I'm glad it isn't.


What I posted is:  In our Guild, I'm supposed to be chairman for Quilts of Valor.


The last quilt show, 2 years ago, I wanted a booth and was told it would cost me

$225.00 since it wasn't part of the guild.  I just didn't have that kind of money,

so they hung the QoV quilt in the boutique but didn't even have room for some



This show, this Fri. and Sat., I found out last Sat. that the guild gave Quilts of Valor

a free booth which was terrific.  However, I was never put in the know, nor asked

to participate in the booth.


It hurt that they couldn't even contact me about it, and more or less kept it secret.


I don't know if I should resign at the next meeting and not state why,

if I should resign and tell them why,

just let my term run out and refuse to be the chairman when officers are installed

in Jan

or just ignore the whole thing.


More than I feel they as guild members are being almost pushed out.   Committees

were made up without any input or volunteers being mentioned.  We have NO

idea what committees were formed, just accidentally find out.  Several of the newer

gals are disappointed that they didn't get a chance to help on some of the committees

that they were specially interested in.


I feel the same way.. None of that was brought up at meetings, and even when we

volunteer for a committee we are just sort of ignored.  I told the president that in the

past, as she well knows, that we had voted on committees, chairmen accepted

in the general meeting.


Sometimes I just feel like sort of floating out of the guild, and let the cliche that has

caught hold and taken over, just do their rich witch thing.  I feel they are ignoring the

rest of the guild, and leaving us with nothing to be involved with.


Oh, they also chose the name tags we are to wear and they are less than one inch

blocks when done.. hard to handle with old hands, and each month they have some

dumb project they want us to make, like a summer table runner, and then a fall, then

a halloween, then a winter.  Shoot I don't use table runners, but I'm to make 4 or 5

table runners?  They also made small square wall hangings.. nothing I'd own or make

and no where to donate it when it is done.. same with table runners, and now the

big bed runner..  I'm just not that kind of person.


So that's my big gripe.. am I wrong and they are right, or  what? 


I still don't know what I will do, probably approach the new "chairman"  at the show

booth and thank her profusely for doing such a thing for me, and is there anything they

need or could use help for.


Oh the last thing that i see as an indignatee was we were accepted to man the booth

selling tickets on raffle baskets..  and she was told a short time ago that the ticket booth

is the one place I wouldn't want to be.


Himself and I are both assigned to two shifts on Fri. and again on Sat.


Anyhooooo   that is where I sit.







Other times I just want to outright resign and be left with nothing for so

We have one gal that is in charge of a challenge quilt, that I've not seen sit down and

sew yet this year, and often doesn't make the meetings.



and no one to chat with about quilting.


I'm hurt and just want to yell at them at times.

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So sorry you feel hurt - that can be painful if you feel left out.  I don't know how the guild or QOV groups work, so I can't offer anything about that except that if it's supposed to be fun, charitable, and a "kinship" and it isn't run democratically (our government is a great example) maybe it is time to find another group.

BUT, if you are committed to staying with the group, you either put on a brave face and act as if everything is fine or you start asking what the problem is and what "they" expect of you.  I work in the police department and whenever there is conflict, an officer told me once that there are 3 sides to every story, so maybe there is another side and the problem is just miscommunication?!

Not too helpful, but remember that this forum is a great group and appreciates your contributions a lot!

Good Luck!

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Oh, Rita, I'm sorry this chain of events has occurred for you. Concerning this years abrupt change of mind about offering free QOV space is it possible those in charge were admonished by someone/others for showing so little respect last year by only letting you have enough space to hang the one quilt and no room for literature? Maybe someone else has already put them in their place, and their decisions now (on how they are handling the goings on of the guild) may be a little misguided because they messed up and are a bit miffed at being called out?


I really feel bad you've been left out. Unfortunately this can, and does, happen in all sorts of groups - including church circles - and sometimes it's easier on the heart to just 'let go and let God'. You've obviously given years of commitment and devotion to your guild and its causes. Then, just from progression of time/style/attitudes/methods, things start moving in a direction unfamiliar to us and it can be painful and frustrating as well as us feeling left behind.  Again, hope that someone else called out the powers that be and this is why they gave free space this year.  Don't let this fester in your benevolent heart - let go and let God.  Bless you, Rita.

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Our guild also has their clicks. But the outcasts are starting to outnumber the know it alls. We have started to meals a difference. I don't participate in the sew days, as I sew everyday and I might just stop in and say hi. Hang in there or get together with the others and make your own little group. They can only make you as miserable as you let them. I was told I could join our guild, but my friend couldn't and she was told the same thing by someone else. So we both joined to be a brat and prove a point. We have brought in many more people with us. If it is not enjoyable it is not worth doing.

Just my thoughts.


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My guild is so small that we are all friends and I couldn't imagine the kinds of slights that go on in larger groups.


That said, if it isn't fun, don't do it.  Maybe you have some like-minded friends who would like to split off into a smaller group with you?


OR....Killing them with kindness might bring you some joy :wub: That's a little naughty of me.  I have no idea what the red emoticon is supposed to mean.

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Hi Rita,


So sorry that in today's world people still need to be so thoughtless. :(


Regarding your post, please know that no one on the forum (except for an administrator at APQS) can delete anyone else's posts. In fact, as has been said in the past, we don't censor the forum except for remarks that are lewd, inappropriate, or offensive (which we still reserve the right to do.) But everyone is entitled to an opinion, even if we don't agree with it. :)


If your post was "hijacked" by a spammer, then it's more than likely it got deleted when I deleted the spams. The forum's back door programming allows us to delete a spammer's specific posts as well as any topics he or she starts, along with those entire threads. Sometimes I get "click happy" when there are so many that I may have inadvertently deleted your thread. If that ever happens, go ahead and re-post. Sorry for the inconvenience!!

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Dear Rita,

I read your post with your dismay regarding the guild. Here are my thoughts, perspective and my advice on how to handle these things.


The dynamics and morals and tone of groups (such as with quilt guilds and other professional organizations) these kinds of groups tend to ebb and flow and recess and change over time. Do not take any of this personally. You have ask yourself "would anyone really care about "___fill in the blank___" in 50 years? in 100 years? in five years? in 10 years?"  The answer is "no" it is not important. Only important in the moment. So, my advice (in general) is to always take the high road. Always take the road that makes Rita look amazing and classy and the utmost respectful person. Be that person always. No matter who they are, never slide down to their level. Just move on. It's time you moved on and let these people just do their thing. If you feel inspired and motiviated to continue with Quilts of Valor, you should find a new direction, a new way that makes your heart happy. Don't allow yourself to fall into the pit with the negative people pulling you down. Step out of the hole, and walk the path to the top of the mountain where the sun shines. Where happy people surround you. Always seek to surround yourself with positive, happy, encouraging, respectful people. If you do this, you will be happy. 


Don't give them any reasons why you are leaving except to say perhaps it's time to take a break and seek other options. Don't give them anything negative because they will only deny it anyway. Just move on. And, remember, you and God and Himself know the real truth and .... really ....... that's all that matters anyway.


Now, go find a happier place to continue your efforts with the Quilts of Valor and move onward and upward. JMHO  (((hugs)))

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I was in a similar situation a few years ago............when I first joined the guild, I really enjoyed it and then a certain group started to take over, wanted to spend money we didn't have and none of them ever helped raise any of the funds we did scrape together.   After a while, I said to my husband.............."I am NOT enjoying myself any more and why should I put myself through the aggravation.   There are plenty of other things that I have to deal with and have no choice, but this guild  isn't one of them. "  So, I was about to just quit and do my own thing.............when I voiced my concerns to a couple others, I found out I wasn't alone..............10 of us formed our own group and left the other group.   They soon found out exactly WHO was doing all the work when we all left.   We have such a good time now.  We do all charity work, meet once a month to sew, gab, eat and sew some more.   We don't have by laws or officers and our "business meeting" is held while we eat pizza for lunch.   :D We have Show & Tell after lunch, too.   We choose not to meet during the winter months as we don't like to have to get out on bad roads or during the height of cold and flu season in Iowa.   We make enough money every summer during our quilt show/country store that supports us all year.  We don't even pay dues !   We can come and go during the day as our time permits, too.   I quilt because it is a hobby I love to do and I refuse to be "used" and have it turn into something I hate.

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Basically, you have two options, Rita. You can go away (taking others who are perhaps as disappointed as you are with the direction of the guild) or stay and try to change things from the inside. 


If you decide to stay, ask to have the copies of the by-laws available and review the procedures for installing committee heads and elected officials. Insist upon accountability and information sharing. Best to approach these issue in a non-confrontational way. No accusations or claims of hurt feelings. Just state that there are concerns about XYZ and clarification is needed. Take it upon yourself to ask the hard questions gently and get the answers you need. 


I know you are a big contributor to QOV. My guild has several quilter who only do charity pieces for QOV. This caused some division in our charity committee because we have many worthy local organizations in need of quilts. So the QOV gang organized a separate bee outside the guild that pieces and quilts only for that organization--and anyone is welcome to contribute.  Our regular charity group directs the making and distribution of the quilts the rest of the guild has put together for half-way houses, premmies, domestic violence shelters and for a local transition home for homeless/street kids. Everyone is happy and the whole guild decides on the distribution of the guild quilts.


If you decide to transition away from the guild, I'm sure you can do a gathering of like-minded quilters. They can stay in both groups or stick to one. Guilds are ever-changing and the only hard rules are those that are voted upon--the by-laws and mission statements. Any time you're unhappy, carefully ask the hard questions (Like--" I'd like the Secretary to check the by-laws for the procedure for choosing and seating committee heads. I feel we've neglected proper procedure and I'd like to make a motion for a review of the procedure." That way the issue is addressed and comments from the un-heard members can be considered. You can get a feel for which way the winds is blowing so you can make a decision to stay or go.

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I thank all of you who have given me suggestions and ideas.  I think I will just sit on this until after the new officers

are installed and see what is going to be happening then.  If this "stuff"  continues, then I will see about starting a

machine quilters donation group at the Sr. Center. 


I hear there is only a hand quilting group now, and they won't refuse new members, but don't encourage them

either.  A goose for one, bacon for the other.  lol


Gotta run, heading to the Civic Center to give our donations and turn in the raffle basket.



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Wow!  Every guild seems to have it's own problems.  Usually, my experience has been the smaller the guild, the more cliquey (sp?) it is!  Maybe just as much goes on in the larger ones, but so many other positive things are going on that it gets lost in the shuffle.  It's hard when they make you feel like an outsider.  I used to belong to a small guild, (only about 25-30 people showed up for the meetings) and I was always an "outsider."  I belonged for about 3 years and regularly attended the meetings.  They would barely even say hello to me.  I would see some of the committee members at the fabrics store and stop to say, "Hi!" and talk to them for a minute and was met with rude comments.  They were all important "chairs" of block of the month or donation quilts or something, and really let me know it.  When I would reply that I knew that as I was a 3 year member of the guild, they would look at me in disbelief and ask my name.  Funny thing was, they did not know me from attending the small guild meetings, but knew me because of a couple of my over-achiever customers who they took classes with.  Seems my customers always had their current class projects completed for show and tell ahead of every one else!  Then the other students would want to know who quilted their quilts and that's were they heard my name.  Sheesh! 


I got fed-up with them and went to another guild.  It's huge!  Over 400 members and usually over 200 at the meetings.  They have great speakers as they have more money to procure them and there is so much talent of different aspects of quilting, it's just not even funny!  Talented longarmers, applique, art quilters, traditional quilters, textile painters, fabric dyers, you name it, we have it.  They are all generous with their knowledge and time.  It's just a great group and very enjoyable.  I'm always so impressed with what others in this group are doing.  This is a much better fit for me and I don't feel excluded.


The one thing about the guilds is that there is change from time to time.  People in key positions change and they can change the climate of the guild.  Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.  I decided after the experience I had with small guilds, I wouldn't waste my time with them anymore.   At least with the larger ones, the guest speakers tend to be well published and good presenters.  If nothing else, I would go for just that part and still like going to meetings.  It makes it more difficult when you put in the effort to be involved with guild projects and just keep getting trumped.  Unfortunately, I live over an hour away from where this guild meets or I would be much more involved in projects.  It's too hard to make other committee meetings living so far away.  For my contribution, I quilt a bunch of the donation quilts for them and for the last 3 out of 4 years, I have quilted their yearly raffle quilt for them.  I hope it makes up for not being able to help this great group in other ways.

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LOL, my "Post" button must not be working.


Dawn, I didn't mean you or any apqs person deleted my post.  Sorry if it sounded like that.

Now I see that yesterday's post didn't snow up either.. so Post is in "non-post" mode.  :D


The problem with our guild is it's only 42 members strong.  Too many cowtow to the "leaders"

and I'm not sure I would be able to find anyone else who makes any quilt to donate, much less for Quilts of Valor.


ROFL, Everytime I mention it in a meeting or at sew day, I get the evil eye, and raised eyebrows as though

I'm talking about something they are bored to hear.  I only mention it about 3 times a year.


Also our Guild has over $10,000.00 in certificates.. yet won't hire anyone to speak or demo, or have a class for



We had a few members drop out due to schedule conflicts, or moving, but a few new ones just lately have joined.


I have to say there is one plus in the guild.  I use to be friends with a "person"  (no lady, she!)  and told her off

in a nice way, saying what is sorry is that I didn't see that she was stabbing me in the back for 2 1/2 years.  Also

I don't like being lied to, or given the lovey dovey greeting.. I want them to be honest, considerate, and

not pulling a bunch of crap as some are want to do.   See, I can be nice.  I didn't even say with anger or any negative



Since then, many of the gals come past me to say hi, or chat a few, or I wander the sewing room, saying

hi to the various gals, and if not in a time bind will stop and chat for a few minutes.  Before they avoided me

as though I stunk.


Now I've been told by many, even new gals, that the friend was to be avoided, and older members

say she has done the same to many others in the past and I was the only one to befriend her so long.

Guess I'm a slow learner!  :(   I only say hi when it would be terribly rude to not speak.


Anyway, down at the Civic Center yesterday, No One has any idea who arranged for the special,

free, Quilt of Valor booth.  All that is there are two quilts hung on the side wall and on the back wall,

Nearly hidden by the adjoining booth.  I wanted to print off some info and take a small table to set

up if that is all the quilts of Valor booth is going to have.  Haven't found a way to get the print from

14 to 10 pitch, so one little form is going to fit on one piece of paper. 


They were told I'd have a raffle basket from calling in a favor I was owed, and yet didn't act like they would

even want it yesterday.  You know, the almost grimmace, rolled eyes routine. If I have to, I will raffle

the danged thing myself.  I can take it from booth to booth and ask the viewers as we meet or go by. 


They did put the quilt of Valor I made in the Boutique, under the sign that says Turning of the quilts. 

As if that's going to tell anyone that the turning of the quilts will be in the auditorium, and what my quilt is

for, and the need.


Oh well, guess I'll learn one day.  When others avoid a person, I should also.


Oh, I did something for that quilt that I've not done before, and after the backing, batting and top were

on the frame, I rolled to the end of the top, then moved about 6" up towards the top, and sewed the

label on the back. I had it glued on, and corners marked on the wrong side of the back, so I'd know

where to sew it on.  It worked quite well and looks great.  Oh, doing it this way the label is on the right

bottom corner of the quilt back.  I like doing this to keep the machine sewing of the label from showing on

the front.  I can't hand sew enough to attach it by hand.


My prednisone fingers are not stopping, so I will.  :P



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Oh, I did something for that quilt that I've not done before, and after the backing, batting and top were

on the frame, I rolled to the end of the top, then moved about 6" up towards the top, and sewed the

label on the back. I had it glued on, and corners marked on the wrong side of the back, so I'd know

where to sew it on.  It worked quite well and looks great.  Oh, doing it this way the label is on the right

bottom corner of the quilt.  I like doing this to keep the machine sewing of the label from showing on

the front.  I can't hand sew enough to attach it by hand.




Clever Rita!  I'll have to try that.

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Thanks, Annie. I'm going to use it all the time, now that I know how.  Just be sure the label

is on the outside of the backing fabric.  I almost sewed this one to the inisde.  I stood there

wondering what was wrong, before I stitched it on.   Lol, the birds woke me up!    :rolleyes:



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Love that idea for the label Rita. I'm going to try that.


Sorry about your 'guild' problems.  It's no fun when cliques seem to take over and spoil things.  You did mention one thing in particular that concerned me....Yours is a small guild, less than 50 people, but holds CDs of $10,000?  Is it a registered guild - ours is registered with the state as a non-profit 501c3.  In this state VT (and I'm not sure if this is state or federal regs) There is a limit as to how much $$$ we can keep on hand and remain a non-profit - I think it relates to the cost of putting on our show and our annual liabilities to meet our charitable donations (quilts to the community).  If we consistently go above that amount on deposit we run the risk of losing our 501c3 status and would have to pay tax to the state and the officers would bear that liability.

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Golly Anne,  I will have to ask Carol about that.  She is the one who is usually so up on things regarding the status, rules, reports, etc., and is great treasurer. 


We are listed as a non profit group.  If anyone can get it all figured out, she will.


Thanks for the info.



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That's just disheartening, isn't it, when you're trying to do a good thing with QOV.  


dittos on the 'slush fund'....that's A LOT of $$.


I'm a little unclear on what you mean by 'certificates'...if those are deposited funds, there could be huge issues as was mentioned in the previous post. 


What are they keeping it for?  Is there a building fund?   


If they are gift certificates,  That should be used for the benefit of the members, too.  Dollars are not 'gaining' in purchasing power... with inflation, those dollars are losing value in the market.


If there's a regular business meeting at the guild meeting, there should be a treasurer's report, and you could always raise your hand and ask what they're saving it for? Maybe it's time for a new treasurer?  Sometimes folks act like that's their own personal money, and heaven help someone that wants to spend some of it!


Or...maybe there's another reason why no one's looking at it...........????? (stranger things have happened!)


I'd be all over a copy of the guild rules and see if they are running on Robert's Rules of Order, at which point, I'd use them to get some of these issues listed as new business. 


If it gets too unhappy, though, Smile and wave....! 


I am a guild member and also in a sewing group. Some days, I'm just not "feelin' the love!", so I just don't go.  When I'm in a better frame of mind, I can go back.  


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I have to add my $.02 regarding the $$ large bank account and this being a "non profit" organization.


So, just to be safe, make sure your guild is filing it's "non profit" tax numbers to the IRS every year. Yes...truth... even non profits need to report to the IRS. It is wise to hire a CPA to review your records and file on your guilds behalf every year.


I will add that our guild (which also has a lot of $$ in the bank) got in a lot of trouble with the tax accountant when the CPA discovered we were not filing with IRS and that we had a lot of $$ in the bank -- just sitting there, stacking up and collecting interest. The CPA threatened that we would be fined for our disregard to following the IRS rules. Fortunately, we paid the CPA to fix our "tax issues" and we avoided the fines.  BUT~~ that stated, from this point forward we WILL NOT go through this "headache" again with the CPA so we will continue to be in good graces with our CPA and the IRS into the future.


Lesson learned! Don't keep a lot of $$ in the bank. Especially if it's a non profit. You need to report to the IRS every year, and you need to show due dilligence to prove that your guild's designated accounts (e.g. operating account, raffle account, etc.) you are making money and spending money. The funds need to be used. PAID DOWN ... or else, you will lose your 501c tax exempt status and YOU COULD BE FINED $$$$."


IRS will revoke your non-profit status if you have not filed with IRS for three consecutive years. http://www.irs.gov/Charities-&-Non-Profits/Automatic-Revocation-of-Exemption-for-Non-Filing:-Overview



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