MarieBrewer Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 I got an early Christmas present yesterday. A little background-son and DGD's mother are at odds. In Oct she said Taytum had bruises on stomach & she alleged physical abuse against son. He got a letter from DSS y/day saying the allegations are baseless. We all knew it but she was able to put us through an emotional wringer anyway. She alleged this at the time she found out he has a girlfriend. Nobody has time or energy for the WHOLE story of them but we have only 14 years left of her Borderline Personality Disorder to deal with!!! Why must people be so vengeful? I know she is mentally ill but you can still have SOME common decency-right? They are in a custodial fight right now too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delld Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Just a thought. Is she doing out of revenge or is the illness misguiding her love and she is unable to "see" what is " Some common decency" ? You and your family and her will be in my prayers and may you find peace and safty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieBrewer Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 dell, if you knew all of the things that have gone on, you would know it is revenge. I don't know to what degree she has BPD but her troubles started 26 years ago when her mother went to have her tubes tied and found out she was pregnant. Has hated the girl ever since and was abusive to her & sis. Mom has spent time in a mental ward for 6 mos. I do know that many of the things she does can be tied to BPD - she is STILL seeking love fm mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaR Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Such a sad, difficult time for all of you, including her. she may end up needing to be in protective care, not quite a barred hospital, nor jail.. but guarded. Curse the illness again and again, then ask God to help her.. Bless all of you. prayers are flying up on holy wings to our Great God. So sorry you have to go thru this. Hugs and Prayers, Rita Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
delld Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 RITA , you said it perfectly. Marie you are in all the thoughts of those who have read but not responded. Hugs, Dell Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Beth Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Marie, I'm so sorry to hear that you all are going through this. Most of all I am sorry for the child in the middle. My children where kids of divorce...no mental illness involved - however, I wondered about my ex Anyway, my kids are 30 and 31....I still deal with him over grandchildren. It is totally rediculous. Three grandkids live near him and you can tell. He has nothing to do with them until I come to town...then he wants them to spend the night or the weekend or he wants to plan to do something with them. I say all of that to say this. It is never over, even after the child in the middle is grown, because the child will have children and there you go again. I will keep you all in my prayers, because I know the turmoil this put my parents through as well as me and the kids and all the other close family memebers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieBrewer Posted December 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Yikes, Mary Beth, I hadn't thought that far ahead. She said she has lung cancer but I'm not sure it's true. If it is true it is not a good thing. My son wants Taytum to have her mom in her life but also some sanity!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Beth Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Not every situation is the same. Maybe her focus will change and things will calm down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted December 19, 2009 Report Share Posted December 19, 2009 Marie, My heart goes out to you! You have heard the story of our little Maddie and we are just loving having her around but I sure wish her parents could get their act together. It is so hard when the little ones pay the price. I too am a child of divorce althouh I was 18 and just married when my parents finally split. I lived in a house of domestic violence and I was bound and determined my children would never know what that was like. Hubby and I always said we'd never get divorced because we'd never give up our kids. I'm glad it all worked out for my kids sakes but boy it tears me apart when I know what other kids are going through. Maddie has 2 sisters and their dad only sees them for 6 hours a week and no more. Her mother wants to take him to court so he has to take them more. Now my BIL thinks he should have Maddie full-time but I personally don't think that is the best situation either, at least not until he gets his life together! Prayers for all of you and hopefully Tatum will not have to live feeling like a pawn. (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) and prayers to all of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffq-lar Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 Mental health problems overflow and spill on everyone involved. My dear Dad used to say "crazy is contagious"--sorry for the un-PC "crazy" reference, but you get the gist. You may not be able to grasp the reasons why a person acts a certain way--logic and reason don't play into it. Deep breath, step back, and offer support for the victims--whether your son or DGD--and even yourself. A calm, consistent, and loving sanctuary for those affected may be all you can offer. Don't let this make you crazy! (Oh sure:o--easy to say in the midst of the mess, but a good thought and something to push for.) Warm thoughts and hugs headed your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sms Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 I am a primary care provider for my mother. I am trying to learn as much as I can about why she does what she does as her brain and body ages. I am realizing that she is not trying to drive me crazy. The fact is that her brain is no longer her friend. The brain is wonderful and sometimes scary. I am reading a book by Dr. Daniel G. Amen, M. D., CHANGE YOUR BRAIN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. I recently watched a program by Dr. Amen on our public television station, OPB. This book might give you some insight into why a person acts the way they do based on how the brain works. He also gives information on how to deal with certain people. Dr. Amen also gives advice on improving the ability of the brain to function better through diet, sleep, exercise, supplements, learning, etc., etc. On the back of the book, "Daniel G. Amen, M.D., is a clinical neuroscientist, child and adolescent psychiatrist and medical director of the Amen Clinic for Behavioral Medicine in Fairfield, California. The recipient of awards from the American Psychiatric Association, the Baltimore - D.C. Institute for Psychoanalysis, and the U.S. Army. Dr. is a nationally recognized expert on the relationship between the brain and behavior ......" I am working every day on my anger (a good night's sleep does wonders)...I am angry that my mother is not as she use to be, I am angry that I can not fix her, I am angry that my life has completely changed, I am angry that I do not always deal well with every day problems (not quilting these days). I love my mother and working on my own perceptions has helped. Understanding goes a long way. I hope you can find help too. When you know something is wrong with your brain, it is a lonely existence... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Beth Posted December 20, 2009 Report Share Posted December 20, 2009 SMS, I feel for you. I can say I don't know what you are going through. My mother is 79 and my dad is 82 and they both are pretty sharp. I hear the same stories over and over, but all in all, they have it together. So when I hear stories like yours, I thank the Good Lord that my parents can still care for themselves and are doing quite well. It is sad to hear that you cannot find the time to quilt right now. You will, find the time later. For now, just getting a moment here and there is probably all you can get. I'm sure you make the most of those moments. It's very good that you are trying to understand why your mom does the things she does and probably says the things she says. Sometimes the things a person says can last a long, long time, good things and bad things. The one thing to hold onto, for you, is something you said, "she is not trying to drive me crazy. The fact is that her brain is no longer her friend." So she doesn't want to do the things she is doing, she is just doing it. You are a good person to put your life on hold to take care of your mom, some people would not do that. Thank you for sharing this part of your story. I will pray for you and your mom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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