Levels perplexing

[kennan100]

Ammoman,

I sent you a U2U, have a nice day.

[Susanne.Hughes]

Hello,

Girls, Girls, Girls........... you will have to forgive Ammoman for not understanding. I have been married, and happily so, to a military type as well. To him, the female logic, raging hormones and the depth of "girly friendships" are complex, universal mysteries! (As the song goes.."Why can\'t a woman be more like a man?")

Ammoman, it has so far taken my husband 26 years to learn that if I complain about someone else, it is not a reflection of them being in the right or wrong, but a reflection about my own insecurities. What I need is a big, long hug so I can soak up his strength, regain my sense of security and feel better about myself. This is what this web site does. It sends out a great many hugs, amplified by friendship and trust, when one of us (male or female LArmers) needs it. I love reading my way throught he posts each day, with all the advise and caring given to anyone who requests or needs it. Ammoman, just as you used to be able to walk into any military Mess anywhere in the world and know that you were there with likeminded people who would know and understand you totally and many of whom you most probably served with somewhere, we come onto this website knowing that we are with likeminded friends who understand (even if not necessarily agree with) and create a little heaven for us. Here we can talk or vent and know that we are understood. On this site it is understood that to walk into a fabric store and to not buy fabric is a crime! That the pros and cons of using King tut as opposed to so fine threat for instance rates as highly (if not more so) than the sub-prime mortgage market fiasco! That there is no quilt unquiltable and that advise on how to quilt it, is always at hand on the APQS chat site! (Still a big mystery to my husband!!)

It has also taken my husband at least 20 years to learn that no matter how illogical some of my feelings or emotions might seem to him, sometimes it would be better to just hug and say those two magic little words.."Yes dear!" He will let me vent, he will let me rage, he will let me cry because he knows that once I am over that particular little tempest, the sun will shine once more and life can return to relative logic and sense!?? It might be hard to believe by someone like you, that if you had replaced your initial analogy with ..."yes dear!" and a big hug, the whole topic would have died its natural death and sunnier topics would be discussed and life would go on. (Consequently I would still be only lurking on the fringes, gaining my enjoyment by just reading the posts.) Sometimes you just have to try and be .."more like a woman", hand out the hugs and the tissues and let us regain our self belief by tut-tuting in agreement - as Shana would say - "Go Girlfriend!" Logic (as defined by a male) does not necesarily get a look in at this stage.

Ammoman remember, you will not only be "conversing" with one individual, most likely female, when you address an issue on this web site, you will have lots of us to deal with ........this is not something that your military training and background has taught you to deal with- it could turn out more dangerous than any war zone and trickier than any minefield. You will need to learn to replace you insightful, military thoughts and strategies and brute logic with hugs, soothing tut-tuting and a huge box of tissues dispensed with tenderness and care and love. LeeAnn, Phyllis Barb and Chris have all made good points about what makes us girls "tick". When one of us vents, it is not a challenge for you to prove with brutal logic that we need to get on with life and to "live and let live". It is your challenge to hug us, make us feel good and secure about ourselves and then let us get on with life so we can "live and let live". That\'s what girlfriends do and that is what you have to learn to become an honorary girlfriend too.

[ffq-lar]

Well said, Susanne in Australia!!!

And no more lurking "girlfriend"---we need you!

[annlittle1]

Yes, Susanne, well said.

My DH retired after 24 years in the military. He may have given orders at work, but he always knew better than to try that with me! If I need to cry on his shoulder, he knows its best just to hold onto me and be prepared to change his shirt afterwards. If he needs to blow off steam, he knows I\'m there to listen and support him. We\'ve been married almost 35 years, so we must be doing something right.

[lizziesgirl]

I am so thankful for this site. It is a refuge where I can vent and others understand. If I vent in private nobody gets the frustration of tension issues or the fear of another LA moving in on your customer base. They just look at you with a blank look and say don\'t worry about it. Here I get ideas and what to do\'s because my cyber friends understand. When I feel that my world is crashing down around me in the middle of the night I can U2U my cycber friends and they don\'t judge me they pray for me and when I can\'t get to the computer they let others know that I need them. This site has helped me in numerous ways, whether it be complaining, praising or asking for prayer, it has been here without judgement. We are a group of all cultures, of all nationalities, of all religion and we are a group of supporters, listeners and caring individuals that need to complain, praise and ask for help, prayer and what ever the need be but knowing that we can have a voice and have someone out there for some makes everything ok. If you don\'t like complaining don\'t read it. Not all of the topics are that, choose wisely, or don\'t read it.

[Ammoman]

I guess I should be apologizing for being rude or having a tone that’s unacceptable but I wont. I see no condescending remarks or anything that would suggest I\'m a bad person.

Lets see…a single woman stands before a thousand men and says change. Her comments are soft and well spoken but 80% of the men don’t hear her. She is offended by their behavior. She wants them to stop cursing and farting and spitting on the ground because she knows things would be much better for everyone.

Now…a man stands before a thousand women and says change.

His words are not as eloquent as a womans.

Interesting indeed.

[pigletaz]

I think what you\'re hearing is that this is how this chat works, how these women (and men) deal with their daily frustrations, joys, etc. I think 99% of the time, you\'ll only hear positive remarks about and from most of the people. Encouragement is strong here and that\'s why I keep coming back.

Yes, the competition is out "there" but really not in "here". That is how I feel about this chat room. I encourage you to visit some other long arm quilting chat rooms and see what the tone is, you may be surprised... I have found this is definitely the friendliest, most supportive one on the web.

[frosty]

Ammoman, i think you are probably bored because you have not quilted anything in a while. Stop beeing a boob, stop being an instigator - quilt something- post it and let us congratulate you on how well you did. There are plenty of sites where you can debate. We just want to eat, sleep, talk, live and QUILT!!!!!!

[annlittle1]

Actually, Ammoman, your words are extremely eloquent. But you aren\'t hearing or listening to our answer. Our answer is "No! We don\'t want to change this aspect of this site. This is the only place that we can come where our concerns and fears are understood. We want to be there for each other. I\'m sorry that you either don\'t want to hear our answer, or just can\'t hear it. If reading our complaints about competition and/or grumpy customers bother you, then skip those posts and go on to the ones that you enjoy."

As I said before, this discussion has been very much like the arguments that I used to have with my brother. I finally found that the only way to end such an argument with him was to walk out on him since he had to have the last word. So, I am walking out on this discussion. I won"t come back to it again.

Bye!