Need Advice Dealing with "Catty Katy and her Cohort Kim"

[juliagraves]

The only thing I can think of to add is to pray about these people. I have been amazed at the results I have gotten with this, especially since I was really upset with the people treating me poorly and didn't think they "deserved" any prayers. Maybe the praying changed them, maybe it changed me, but I know that God somehow made a way where there was no way and things got resolved. Not always in my timing, and not always how I thought things should work out, but work out they did.

Good luck.

Julia

[kennan100]

Oh dear, Shana! You mean they are putting on this huge performance just for your benefit? I had no idea you were so important that these two fine upstanding members of the community would find it neccesary to go to such extremes just to get your attention!! Show them some mercy and just smile your sweet smile and watch them wiggle like puppy's. You really should very careful, tho....I hear the paperazzi are very dangerous, you can just put on some ZZ Top and get yourself some cheap sunglasses. :cool: Mercy from you will just keep them awake at night and drive them crazy!

[quiltmonkey]

LOL!! Kenna you crack me up. I don't think they are trying to get my attention. They have no clue I know. I think this is their way of getting their own jollies between themselves.

Thank you for smacking me back to reality. I totally agree with you that I'm not so special that I need to entertain an audience of two miserable hags like these two women. How sad is that? I'm not even a good singer or a good dancer or anything like that! I'm just a plain old regular american girl just doin' her thang...

[kennan100]

Shana, I wasn't smacking you! This is something my Mom always told me when I was going through the whole business with this type of thing. She told me it was to my credit that people had to go to such obvious lengths to try to make me look bad. They really had to work at it! I've been going through the same thing at work for the last 8 years with a young woman who does the little gestures and faces about me, and thereby really undermines me at every opportunity. And, who, btw, has no experience outside of what she's been taught at this job. I just ignore her, behave like my normal self, say what I have to say adn move on. The end of the matter was when I kept pushing over resale or direct pay, or manufacturing tax certificates. She totally ignored me, and no one listened because she kept shrugging it off when she was supposed to be making sure they were there when they were supposed to be. Then we got audited. Guess who they made go through all the files back to 2003 and get all the certificates....and guess who didn't? (but I DID offer to help her!) What a waste of about 6 years on her part. She could have been learning a lot but she cut herself off with her behavior. These ladies have cut themselves off from more than they realize. They are mssing out on a sweet friend in you, Shana, and it's to your credit that they have to work so hard at it. So put on your sunglasses and just be your own loving self!

[Bonnie]

My momma always told me to keep my enemies in front of me so I can see where they are at all times....be friendly, but you don't need to be friends....

And also they say that everyone needs a job...and it seems that their job is to see how much they can annoy you. Silly them, they haven't figured out yet that you are a bit bigger than that and they are just wasting their breath and time. They will give up sometime and just crawl back under their rock. I know its hard to not see what they are doing, and it hurts your feelings. But the important people know who they can depend on and know who to turn to when they have a special project. Just be yourself and don't ever let them know this has upset you. They thrive on knowing they can get to you....smile, it will make them wonder.:cool:

[icolorize]

Hi Shana,

After reading through all of the encouraging responses, I am left with two thoughts.

1) This APQS group has many wonderfully supportive and encouraging members.

2) No one suggested actually responding to the series of events that might or might not have lead up to the present "cold war" acts. (Maybe the two of you are just oil and water...can never mix well together...without a catalyst).

I believe the best defense truly is a good offense...tell it like it is.

What would the harm be if you walked up to the woman who was a no-show and tell her that you're glad that she joined your guild? Maybe you could explain to her that you were initially angry and upset when she left you holding the bag (so to speak) without any warning. But, after thinking about things, you've decided to put that in the past. Maybe she was worn out from years of volunteering...but, with no warning from her, you were left overwhelmed with responsibility for her part of the committment.

You trusted her to follow through with what you thought that she had agreed to do to make the event successful. She put the whole event in jepordy when she failed to notify anyone that she was going to be a no-show. You're sorry that you didn't talk to her about your feelings. Maybe if she had told you her side of things you'd have felt differently. It made you angry, you felt put on the spot to do her duties...but now you're over it.

Maybe you could tell her that you were flatered that she probably believed that you were capable of handing her duties too... by yourself. And you did! However, you thought that you at least deserved a phone call and explaniation from her prior to the event...but that is the past. You've gotten over it. That was yesterday. (Now you have a good excuse to never work with her in the future...you can't trust her to follow through with a committment).

I'd tell her that you've recently noticed her eyes roll when you speak at meetings... only because others have pointed it out to you. (ignorance is bliss) Her eye rolling has made a few of the members uncomfortable, so she should be aware of this. Give her a way out...tell her that maybe she's not even aware that she's doing it! Egos can be fragile things, you know.

Her friend probably only knows her side of things, so you can't really expect her to be sympathetic towards you...they're friends and loyal to each other. Put the ball in her court.

Good luck with whatever you decide, but I'd go with airing things out...if possible.

[CucumberQuilting]

Say it with a smile!

[quiltmonkey]

Thanks, Bette. I appreciate your feedback and everyone elses, too.

Something happened to me recently at one of our guild class events and we were there making a project. Some people had show and tells, and at that time, I showed everyone a paper piece pattern I designed on the computer and instructions I wrote. I was handing out pages of the pattern and instructions to everyone there, and I was in the midst of showing everyone how to stitch the paper piece pattern and Kim walks up and interrupts my explanation and made a scene...she starts yelling in my face really loud "I GET IT! I GET IT!" (as if to say she knows so I can stop explaining) and it was really upsetting to me and the others. Ugh! How annoying. It seemed very hostile to me. What is it with some people??? SHEESH!

Since I posted this initial post, I have learned an interesting fact about the "eye rolling and sarcastic smirks" that these two women share between eachother... apparently, I am not the only person they do this to...they do it to others in the guild, too. Recently, I confided in another guild member about my concerns over their childish "junior high school girl" behavior (I've not spoken to anyone else about it) and I learned that many other guild members are also aware of these two because apparently these two women have been observed doing this to other guild members, too, on many occasions. Apparently these two women are getting the reputation that they think they are the "high and almighty know-it-alls about quilting" and that everyone else in the guild is an idiot, me included. I think they are gradually alienating themselves with their obviously transparent and immature behavior.

Isn't it a shame that these two women have to use other people in the guild as their so-called "entertainment?" These ladies seem to get their jollies by ridiculing other people and using innocent people as the butt of of their inside jokes between themselves. It is so so sad they must do this so they feel more superior to everyone else. I truly do pity them.

[carmen]

Appy the Golden Rule;)

Anything which deters you from noble achievement in life should be cast aside.

Life is for living!

[Hotquilts]

I believe in killing those people with kindness. If you don't win them over, it just bugs the heck out of them that you "don't get it" and they spend even MORE energy spinning themselves in a tizzy. This can prove amusing...LOL!

About people not giving you the time of day in public places, I have to chime in. I am AWFUL about milling about people I know and not "seeing" them. I've even walked past family members in stores without acknowledging them!!! It's not because I don't want to speak with them, it's because I either have on my blinders or I am lost in my thoughts. To make matters worse, I am starting to have a hard time remembering faces not to mention names. (Actually THAT is a semi-serious matter for me since Alzheimers runs in our family.)

So if anyone sees me out and about and I don't acknowledge you. STOP me! Trust me, I love to talk and I can count on one hand the number of people I'd intentionally disrespect...(Hint: They're not quilters and they live in WA D.C. ROFLOL!!!)

Christine :-)

[Guest Smile&nod]

Well, if you do decide to confront things head on, I hear a soap and towel party works wonders (obscure military reference). It may cause some long term issues, but in the short term, its very satisfying for you

But hey, that's just how a typical guy might handle it heheheh. The more genteel gender may not appreciate the subtle nuances of a boot to the head the way I do.

Hmmmm...how about you nominate one or both of them for a key position on a key committee. Show that you enjoy their contributions and input and trust in their sound judgement. (then laugh to yourself when they fall flat on their posteriors). On the plus side, if they do succeed, you can pat yourself on the back for "recognizing their key talents and putting it to the best use for the guild as a whole".

Its win win baby :cool:

[icolorize]

Shana-

Wow!...How strange!

Although I still would probably try to clear the air...

Well. perhaps you feel no compunction to try to work things out if you think you're in a no-win situation with a couple of bullies (pride goeth before a fall...etc and they might be too proud to let anyone suspect that they are not as superior as their actions would indicate).

If their bad behavior is disruptive...back at 'em! Pertend that they aren't there...they might actually be group critics rather than participants, if they are gleefully putting some members down while possibly offering no helpful input.

If no one is willing to confront them...maybe the only alternative is to ignore them (and hope they go away. LOL)

Without attention, the class clown will stop performing (well maybe at least not as much... he could be too self-absorbed to notice that he's actually being ignored...or have a special friend who and encourages his/her actions).

Maybe it should be pointed out at the meeting's start that some members might be new to paper piecing, etc. Everyone is welcome...even the newbies! Sometimes a member might have a faster or easier way to do the same thing...we're all here to share ideas! We're all here to learn...sometimes the best ideas can come from someone just learning. The idea is to have fun while sharing techniques!

If your sewing guild includes members who really need to be in a group of advanced sewers...maybe this group won't be a good fit. Sooo sad...tooo bad!

I have a favorite saying...that was written on a bathroom wall (I read it...didn't write it...really).

"It doesn't matter how you pick your nose...it's where you put the boogers that counts"!

Think about it in a DEEP sort of way! LOL;)

Works for me! (... maybe I'm the strange one)!

[Bonnie]

Bette strange or not....it works for me....I was raised on those types of metaphors, and some times they are needed to not only put the person in their place, but to give a perfect picture as to the situtation....and Booger it is.