meg Posted March 31, 2010 Report Share Posted March 31, 2010 heidi - i'll pray for you and you mom and MIL. i hope they can both heal and become independent of you REAL SOON! only good positive thoughts your way. and i love your prayer. i will be saying it to myself over and over in the coming weeks. i just picked up my MIL & FIL and will have them here with me for at least a week. after a week on the road, i'm already tired and cranky. should be interesting...will you pray for me, too? lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted April 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 You guys are all the best! I just got the biggest laugh of the day and just when I was going to call it quits. Now I have the energy to go sew for an hour! Dianne - yes you all were going to come with a shovel for my brother. Well he isn't talking to me so life is bearable. I am a little worried about dealing with mom's surgery. I will be taking her and since he isn't talking to me that should be intersting. My other brother will come spend the night with her. She wanted him because I wake up too easy and catch her doing things the doctor says not to do. Fine. I told her if she does damage he can take her home too! I'm not going to make myself crazy. I did my MIL's hair tonight, made her dinner, ran to the store, pharmacy and got her mail. She was in a good mood when I left. Then I went and finally got my hair cut which was due 3 weeks ago! I feel so much better. I get Madie tomorrow night and my daughter will keep her on Friday and take her grandmother to get blood drawn. I'll be at the hospital with my mother. Geesh is it the weekend yet! I'll have to fit in coloring eggs with Madie. Not sure if we'll have her Sunday yet. She may go home Sat. night but I'll need to be prepared if we have her. I never did get an Easter dress made for her. Thankfully she is too little to remember! Next year for sure! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oireachtas Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 I think there is an abundance of critical Moms!! I know mine could find fault with pretty much everything I did for most of my life. It took me a long time to develop what my husband calls "loving indifference" to her comments. With my very patient husband's help I really was able eventually to see that her criticizing was more about her than me, and that she loved me and was proud of me, but this was how she related. I think whenever I didn't do things her way she interpreted that as a criticism of her. However, I have been blessed with a wonderful Mother in Law. She never criticizes, appreciates everything I do and always tells me how glad she is to have me in the family. I really lucked out there. Hang in there Heidi - there is always one in the family who steps up to help and it sounds like you are it in your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Originally posted by hmerrill .........She is a very stubborn lady who is used to doing everything on her own and in her way. ....... I've been running back and forth, making meals and such since the accident. She would not hear of coming and staying at our house which would have been so much easier! ........It adds an hour to my commute plus the time to do her shopping, helping her with meals, cleaning, etc. She has been going through bouts of depression as well which is perfectly understandable. I've managed to bite my tongue and trying my best to keep her happy...... Heidi... OK your HUSBAND needs to do something right now to save your sanity, and this is it: 1) TAKE CHARGE of his MOTHER while she is ILL!! 2) This means that YOUR HUSBAND drives directly over to her house. NO NEGOTIATING WITH HER!! He walks in, tells her she's coming with him right now tonight. He walks into her bedroom, he grabs her a suitcase from her closet, and HE starts packing her clothes. 3) Then HE drives her back to your home where she will remain until she can heal well enough to take care of herself. 4) Period. 5) End of Story. Got it? Do it. Husband does this, not you. It's HIS mom. He takes charge of this. You do not (I mean...you WILL NOT) be burdened by bending over to her every whim. You have to compromise here. She has to stay with you. You do not need to be running yourself ragged. Absolutely unnecessary. There is an EASIER solution here. Just do it. Sheesh...some people's parents!! Nuff said I am done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 PS: I have an extra (unused) can of Whoop Ass in my cupboard. I could fly down and use it on her if you want me to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted April 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Originally posted by quiltmonkey PS: I have an extra (unused) can of Whoop Ass in my cupboard. I could fly down and use it on her if you want me to. LOL I think I'll need 20 cans!!!!! It just won't happen. I have been running every other day, taking meals for 2 days and preparing what she needs for the next day. There have only been 3 or 4 days where I had to go every day. It really would be so much easier if she came her but then I'd have to listen to her 24 hours a day...mmmmm maybe the drive isn't so bad! LOL she really hasn't been bad. She did tell me that she hates to ask my husband to do things for her. NOt at all sure why. He is wonderful to her and will do whatever she asks. He is really hurting tonight and now I'm worried about him. I told him he can not get sick because I have no more time to give! My daughter will take Madie on Friday and take my MIL to get her blood work. That should be interesting! LOL 3 generations with the exact same attitude in a car at the same time! Really my daugher is very much like her grandmother and Madie is too. I wish I could be a fly on the wall! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KerryM Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 If Shana's cans of Whoop Ass don't do the trick, we have heavy euipment, they'd never think to look in Canada!! I love my mother dearly too, but some days................... Hang in there, I am positive if you look hard enough there is light at the end of the tunnel!Miracles do happen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReisingStarQuilts Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Heidi, hang in there. Prayers going up for you!! A friend sent me this recently and it really helped me..."God promises a safe journey, not an easy passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennan100 Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Hahahahahahaha! Lovin' you ALL! My Mom has become much easier to deal with since we no longer live together......oh, and the stroke she had a year ago did a lot for her personality. She actually takes her BP meds now, since she had a brain blow out from not taking it. We live in the same small town and go weeks without seeing or hearing from each other. I turned the responsibiltiy for her over to my youngest sister and told her it is her turn, I have enough to deal with with the RA, and my job! I handled everything for 15 years until it was making me a lot sicker than I already was and there ARE two other sisters! Now we tell her if she can't behave we're going to take her to Colorado and make her stay with the ditzy sister! :D:D:D:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oireachtas Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Well Shana, you are a spunky little monkey aren't you. The next time I have a problem with someone, I'm just going to send them straight to you girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witha'K'quilting Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Shana...you made my day! Do you think it will work on Diabetes?! Heidi...hang in there. You are such a doll to help out even if you probably have no choice. If I were there my friend..I would lend a hand. Kenna...I shouldn't laugh...but ...I can so relate. My mom and I do better too after her major stroke 6 years ago. She lives with my sis (1900 miles away)...and sis probably thinks of me like you do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmoore1223 Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 only I say to my kids "If I ever act like Grandma, please give me a swift kick in the pants". They just smile and nod............which has me worried!!! LOL! I said that to my daughter once and her reply was "You already do". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stagecl Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Can you go every 3rd day? Can your DH doing the running for you? Or can you get some paid help to come in? I don't think could do all that you are doing. You are too sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted April 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Coleen - hahahaha Kristina - boy I wish it would work on diabetes! I'd even share my cans with you! My mother too has diabetes, different type though. When her sugar gets to 300 she gets really mean! It is a tell tell sign that her sugar is high. Kenna - I talk to my mother every day, usually at 10 pm because that is when she is supposed to get her shot and she often falls asleep. I really do try to be there for her but I'm done being abused. Her biggest problem is that she blames me for my brothers behavior, both of them! If they drink too much it is my fault because I'm not being a compationate sister or they hurt from our childhood or they are men and just think differently or they got up on the wrong side of the bed. I will not take the blame for their behavior any more. As a kid I can't tell you how much trouble I got into when I did nothing. It really has never changed. Hanging up on her doesn't work because then she'll come over and start. When my father died we had a miserable time. She had the nerve to blame me for his drinking problems too and Easter Sunday (Dad died on Good Friday) 2003 was probably one of the worst days in my life with my family. I honestly thought I would either have a nervous breakdown or never talk to any of them ever again. It was something I will never experience again and I will not ever allow my mother to treat me like that again. Things are good but gaurded now but at least tolerable. I still have a very hard time with Easter time. Isn't it ironic that I will be taking my mother on Good Friday to get an operation? Trying not to think about it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neher-in-law5 Posted April 1, 2010 Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Heidi, I do ask that God give you all the grace and self control you need for this season of year and life. I do understand that you can't go in and do things the way you want, but sometimes it does help to picture the behavior change you desire if you could just get them to see what you are doing right. I hope you get some good fabric/quilting/sewing therapy in here too. That does great things to give us some internal peace to see something working right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted April 1, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2010 Maddelyn, Thanks my friend. It all helps. I do get my sewing/quilting time in. I'm working on Linzi's yurt pannel and boy is it coming together fast! All that frustration is making me work much faster! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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