Reality Check! LONG!

[Melody]

In the last week I have hit a brick wall! And have no idea how to get past it..... I have had my Millennium since September of 04 and received the Compuquilter Dec. of 04. Did'nt do too many quilts for others until September of 05 and at that time got in with the LQS here and gradually over a few months got pretty busy doing quilts for her and her clients...(Some of these were quite interesting.... Beings though they were the Basic Beginning Quilts!!!) Most of the clients are great.... some were stinkers but there is always one!!

Since September of 05... I have worked three days a week as a bookkeeper in an Engineering Firm and on my days off quilted on quilts... And more often than not quilted at least one day of the weekend. All the while trying to raise two boys 13 and 10. April of 06 spent some time working through having to have Brain Surgery but in reality I went back to work two weeks after having brain surgery.... So if a person had to have brain surgery this was the best case scenario!

From January 1 of this year I have probably made $5000.00 in quilting, which isn't alot but I am happy because I know how hard I have worked my butt off to make that. But I feel like with the amount of quilts that come in... I can't quit my job and expect to make what I make at work. I know too that if I did make the choice to stay home regardless... when I am home Its VERY hard to ignore those quilts!

Here is where the brick wall comes in.... In the last week I feel like I could just walk away from it..... Not even look back.... I don't do any of my own quilts anymore.... Clean house? Can't remember when! (Husband and kids take care of that) I maybe cook dinner twice a week and they do it the rest of the time. The laundry.... I don't remember the last time I had it caught up and put away. I love to garden! Have'nt had one in three years! My 10 year old came up to me last week and said MOM! Can't you just play with me today! ( On a quilt that I promised I would have done the next day!) Talk about ripping your heart out!

And this week I received a quilt from a first time person that was referred from a friend. I loaded this quilt at 9:00 AM and it was only a big twin but I did not get it done until 9 PM because it was the most POORLY made quilt I have ever seen! By the time I reached the bottom row (Which was the worst row by the way!) I did the best I could but honestly I thought it looked like crap! It did'nt look bad off the machine when I took it I saw some waviness in the border and knew I could handle it as long as she was putting wool in it but the waviness was unlike anything I had ever seen before. She had definitely done something different on this one! And the day that I am working on her quilt... She calls accusing me of having her quilt for two months and wanting her quilt to get done!!! I did NOT have it for two months it was only 1 month and 1 week. I did inform her that I was having issues with her borders and she acted like it was MY problem and her borders were beautiful!!!! I even took pictures so that if she had problems with it I could show her the borders!!

Okay, enough rambling on and on.... Have any of you ever felt like this? How did you get past it? Did it get better on the other side? I would love to hear your stories....

[countrystitcher]

Melody: I really hear where you are coming from. I checked my quilt list to do last night and have 30 quilts. I'm working four days a week in an insurance agency so nights and Fridays are my time to quilt and lately it's been fewer hours. Especially with summer, garden, flower beds, elderly parents, etc. I'm frustrated that I don't have the time I need to quilt. I prayed when I got this machine that I would have a successful business. I guess the saying is true you have to be careful what you pray for --- I forgot to pray for the time to do the quilting! I'm afraid I'll lose customers. I don't have time to do my own quilts or do piecing any more. This was to be my retirement job in a few years. How do I hang on?? Maybe others can help us both. Any counselors out there???

Sharon

[Beverly]

Sounds like you need some down time. A day with DH and kids. A little time for yourself. Some of these feelings may be a result of the surgery you have had. My friend's daughter went through something like this. It took her a long time but she did get back to her sunny old self. She did have a lot of ups and downs. Please take care of yourself.

[JLM]

When you have a part-time business, what you are are selling is your free time. Only you can answer the question "is it worth it?" No one "pays" you to take care of your house and family, but it can be it's own reward. It sounds like you need to re-evaluate your goals, and only you can know what's right for your situation.

Janet Mohler

Colorado Springs

[Mary Beth]

Not a counselor...but I am a quilter working a full-time job with a family. Although my kids are grown and living on their own...they still require some of me.

Melody, I would guess that you are suffering "burn out". Sometimes it is hard to keep a pace like you have been trying to keep and not have it catch up with you. Maybe you need to step back for a bit and assess your surroundings. Look at your scheduling, maybe you could space the customer quilts out some. Schedule time with your family, not so they know, but so that you know. Make time for you. You must do these things or you will have melt down.

That's my 2 cents, for what it's worth.

[Guest LA]

Mel,

I feel for you!

You have just hit a plateau aka "Burn-out".

Have I ever had???? YES!!!!!!!!

I realized that if the joy went out of what I love doing it is time to take a BREAK!

I DO NOT QUILT FOR ANYONE DURING THE SUMMER, PERIOD!!

In Oregon we have maybe 4 nice months out of the year to enjoy the beautiful weather, & I am going to enjoy every minute of it!

If I feel like sleeping in, I do! If I feel like planting flowers & spending time in the yard, I do!

If the boys want to go have a play day, then we do!

I have pieced around 10 tops since school let out, & I have loved every minute of it! Rockin out to my favorite tunes in my studio, there is no better place to be!

I have to admit, I have been "amiss" in trying to please everyone this past year, I worked so hard & was honored with #1 in sales in APQS company history no less, but I had to take a break. A change in my pay was the reason I had to close my shop. I have struggled big time with this, but have come to realize that I have so many blessings in my life!

I know a lot of you have realized that I have been quite & I thank you all so very much for all the sweet kind & wonderful E-mails, but the truth is, I am having the best year EVER!

I am keeping up with the things I never had time for, & my family is thrilled! My parents are not getting any younger, & I have friends I have not seen for a very long time. Going to my 30th high school reunion this summer, & helping my parents plan a trip of a life time & wing ding party for their 50th wedding anniversary, I LOVE IT!

When it is all said & done I want to know in my heart that I have no regrets, then when I go back to those quilts in the Fall, I have the renewed passion for quilting, and "THAT'S A GOOD THING"!

I hope you are able to do some reflecting & come to terms with a balance. It isn?t always easy, but once you figure it out, you will know when it works for your family!

Give me a call if you want to chat, I may be at the pool with the kids, but I will have my phone!

[Renae]

Hi Melody, I have my own Quilting business now but I did have my own Nail Salon. I poured every ounce of energy and everything else I had into that business to make it a success. And it was!!! But then I didn't have a life outside the business either. When I sold it I decided IF I ever had another business I would make time for myself and family. Granted, my 2 boys are 37 and 35, each with their own families, so I do have 3 grandchildren I want to spend time with. And now that I the quilting business I just won't allow myself to be controlled by demands of others. I am in control of my time .......I work hard and I make sure my clients quilts are done on the date that is written on the signed contract when they brought the quilt.

Now about the bad quilt........I have my clients sign a contract with the date they brought the quilt what I am going to do to it and when it will be done. I learned the hard way also:( I had one new client bring in a throw

quilt that needed custom quilting. She said and I quote,"do anything you want, I know it will look great". Mind you, this is at my Open House for my quilting business so I had lots of witnesses. Anyway, I did the custom work

and when I called her she had her daughter pick it up and said to just send the bill with her and she would send me the check. I did and she called me two days later and told me I charged too much........she had NEVER paid more then $60.00 for ANY quilting. I said, I'm sorry but custom is .03 a sq. inch but since we didn't talk about the price I would take off $20.00. Then she said the stitching was bad and wouldn't hold up.....I said why don't you bring it back and we will look at it together and see what is wrong with it. That was 4 months ago and I still hadn't heard from her.....thank god I took pics of all the quilts I do front and back. So I sent her a bill for the full amount since I hadn't heard from her and she sent me a check for $40.00 less then the total because I had given out cards for $20.00 of any design edge-to-edge over $100.00 and she had the guts to

send that card along with the check. I felt lucky to get that so I learned a very good lesson......NOTHING goes out of my studio with a check or cash in hand or a signed contract. Sorry I got a little windy but I thought I would

share some experiences I have had.

[LynnQuilts]

Hi, Melody! Here is my opinion. You need to take some time and determine what really matters in your life. How important is it to you to make a little money quilting other people's quilts? How important is your family? How important is it to make your own quilts? You have 6-8 years or so left with your kids, and those years will pass faster than you can imagine.

Like you, I work part time, and when I got my machine I had a vague notion of having a business, but after doing a few quilts for other people, I realized that I had no time to actually do anything else. No time for my kids, no time for my own quilts. I could never make the money at quilting that I make at my job, so I decided why waste my precious non-working time by working to earn a few piddly dollars. If I wanted to earn more money, I would do it way more efficiently by working more hours at my job, not quilting. I sat down and evaluated my life and what was important. I came up with CCQ, which sums up what is important in my life: church, children, quilting. I use my machine for my own quilts, charity projects, etc. I do not feel guilty about not making money with my machine, any more than I feel I must ferry people around in my car to make it pay for itself.

My own opinion is that your home and family is so much more valuable than the few dollars you might make doing other people's quilts. Only you can decide what truly matters in your life!

[Grammie]

Melody you seem to really already know the answer to your own question. Your family does always come first. Like others have said only you know in your heart where your happiness lies.

As far as having customers or anyone who values a quilt more than a person then to HECK WITH THEM.

I personally would simply say I can keep the quilt or you can pay me. Be done with her. She should learn to quilt herself. I use to let some make me cry or feel bad but not anymore. I'm kind to people and expect the same.

I too understand the demand. I have more quilts if I want them than I can do. I am almost finished with my customer obligations and I too will not be taking anymore at least until I find myself bored and I don't think that will happen. I will quilt from time to time for my local shop as the owner is a good friend and great supporter.

Thank God that my husband does not think I need to turn a profit after all the money I have spent the past two years. It was he who said "I want to see JOY in your eyes again no matter the cost". So I'm going to quilt and digitize and do the charity quilts that I enjoy doing. Slow down and spend more time with my Grown Children and grandchildren and most importantly my wonderful husband. I am working on my very own FIRST Quilt that is for me. It is bringing such joy to work on it. I didn't know what I was missing.

Be happy.

Linda, so glad to see make a visit. Love ya to pieces. So happy for you. I wish you all the happiness life has to offer.

Good luck Melody

God Bless

Grammie Tammie

[chickenscratch]

Melody, As I still don't have any customers I can't totally relate to what you are saying; but my sister runs two businesses and is a single parent, so I know what she does. She schedules time off for herself. She gets somebody else to cover the store, somebody else to do the catering, or she just says closed on some days. She is very involved in her kids' lives, and she works both businesses very profitably. Maybe after you get caught up on the quilts you have, you need to schedule one a week for a while and tell people when they call that you will have an opening in a week or two. Just my two cents worth.

[quiltmonkey]

Hi Melody,

I can't really add anything more to the wonderful, excellent advice you've already recieved above. The main thing I want to reiterate is to be very disciplined with your valuable time. Schedule your time with your quilts and your time with your family and stick to it. It might take a while to develop a habit to adhere to a schedule, but really really try to do that. Block out specific days (and specific times on that day) that you only quilt (like T, W, T, F 8:00 AM to 12:00 PM), block time for your kids to play and spend time with them (like M-F 2:00 PM to 5:00 PM and weekends), block time for Melody and your flowers or whatever time you need to regenerate your creativity. The quilt machine is hands off after 6PM period. You need to feed your creativity and the only way to do that is to breathe and feel free. You've bogged yourself down too much by trying to please everyone all of the time. You can't please everyone all the time. When things start to get crazy ask yourself this question: "In 100 years is anyone going to care if ___ gets done?" If the answer is no, then take your foot off the gas pedal. Your kids and your hubby and Melody's happiness is #1. Take little bites at a time...and Pull up! Pull up!

Get a monthly calendar (like a Daytimer) and start blocking out your time for quilting and for your family. Stick to it. Be strict and follow it religously.

Everything gets done in due time.

The name "Melody" is a happy name to me. Whenever I meet someone named Melody, I think of pretty songs and happiness. Please be a Melody to me. I need my Melody!

((hugs))

Shana

[shadows4]

Melody:

You've gotten wonderful advice from everyone here. You need to sort through it all and decide what will help in your situation. One thing I can see, for what it's worth, and it's something I need to work on, is saying no to things: more customer quilts, cleaner house, anything that puts added stress on you for now. I get the way you are feeling because everything seems to pile on and pile on, but nothing seems to come off of that pile. So then I avoid everything and don't get anything done, which makes the pile stay there stressing me out longer. Sit down and make 2 lists: one of things that are important to you that, you truly want (e.g.:family, fun quilting reading,etc), and the other of the things that are just stressful and add nothing good to your life. Then figure out a strategy for whittling down the 2nd list to a bearable size. Some things are always going to be on the 2nd list. That's life. But when that list overshadows the first list you will get burned out, just as some of the others wrote. These kinds of times are hard to pull out of, but you have a lot of support on this forum, and a great place to vent if you need to. I hope you get out of your funk and start feeling better! Just concentrate on your blessings you have.

[Hotquilts]

After a few years, I started doing the same as Linda and simply did not quilt for others during the summer months! Of course, I wasn't depending on the income to make ends meet. My DH never liked me quilting for others because I was always stressed and never was paid what he felt I was worth. (Bless his heart.) Then I just stopped quilting for others altogether.

I am considering starting up again, but I've been considering it for a year now so we'll see if I actually do anything about it. I just know that I don't want to fall victim to poor time management again and lose sight of the joys of life.

Christine Olson

[QuiltsbyNini]

I won't bore you with the details, but will tell you something horrible happened 2 years ago where I lost my Mom and almost lost my two foster children in the same accident.

As a direct result of that accident, I lost my job and HAD to become a stay at home mom.

Looking back at all the time I spent at work (commercial insurance) I now realize how much time I wasted. I will never be able to spend an afternoon 'gossiping' with my mother again. I can't call her just because I want to chit chat. I will never again have the same bubbly 3 year old that I had before the accident. (severe brain injury).

I now try to spend each and every day with my family first. Quilting is what I love to do, but it never takes over my time the way I let my career do before. It took something horrible happening before I learned that lesson.

My older three children are all grown (and my first grand baby is on the way!) and I can see all the time I missed while they were growing up. I have to admit, even trying to get the Georgia red clay out of white socks is fun these days! (it means he is able to walk again and can't seem to remember that shoes are important)

Remember to put yourself and family first and everything else has a way of falling into place.

[MarieBrewer]

Right now my machine is in IA for surgery or whatever it takes to fix it. I couldn't be happier. I can now come home from my 3 day a week job and sit on my rump. I really love quilting but as usual, I have allowed my drive and motivation to take over common sense. I haven't purchased one flower for around my house this summer and I have about four quilts I would like to start piecing. I kick myself often because I think I have to pay for my quilting machine. My husband couldn't care less that it's not paid for and doesn't expect me to pay for it. I can give lots of advice but have a hard time following it. Spend time w/DH and boys. TRULY they are grown before you know it. I continually waffle between bagging it all and building a studio. Yikes-I am really conflicted!!!

[ffq-lar]

I work a day job at a grocery store for great benefits which I cannot walk away from. I work 30 hours a week and worked hard to build my business since January 2005.

I have already done more quilts this year than all of last year and have been "discovered" locally (a dream come true for me!) But I am in the same situation as you, Melody--too much of everything!!

I am trying to cut my work hours down to 24 a week so I can do two quilts a week--but until then it's just one a week. As the tops come in they are assigned a week and if I can get ahead a little I might do two a week.

I kept a week in September open as a vacation week from work because my Guild quilt show is in October and I have regulars that are depending on me to do quilts for them (and I love that!) They are all lined up with deposits to hold the time for them. That's my plan and until something changes at my day job, I think this will work for me.

The excitement of doing this creative job is intoxicating and sometimes we get lost--bless our families for being there while we all make our way. Good luck and be assured you will find your way and regain the joy you began with.

Off the soapbox and back to work for me!!

Linda Rech

[Melody]

Thank you all for all your comments and stories, I really appreciate it! I guess I just needed to know that I was'nt the only one that feels totally overwhelmed and not real good on the time management thing, I have never been real good on that sort of thing. If its something that needs to be done I generally cannot focus on anything but that until it gets done!

There is one thing that I have real trouble getting past with everyone here in the area.... I realize that many of you make appointments but I cannot do that with the job that I have and the kids and just general family duties.... Especially in the summer! When I pick up a quilt I don't make an appointment for them.... I just tell them it will be at least a month. And 70% of the time they seem to have a cow about that. They still give me the quilt but they b---- the whole time... I know some of the quilters in the area are making people wait months in advance and they are happy to wait!!! Why are they complaining with me? Am I not saying the right thing? I do realize that the quilters that are making them wait are generally doing custom and truly making a treasured quilt and I am getting these beginning quilters that only want something quilted all over....(Mind you I am not complaining....Custom would put me in the looney bin at this time of my life!!!!)

[Patch]

Melody, I'm glad you feel better about it all. I think the fact that your customers are beginning quilters says it all. At one time I myself thought it was ridiculous to have to wait that long for a quilt to be quilted on the machine, but that was at the beginning of my exploration in quilting too. I thought it made sense for the hand quilters to take that long, but then, they actually have something up to 18 month waiting or more, I've heard.... so one month is nothing if you think of that. You could try reminding them of that. They ought to realize sooner or later that you have a long wait because you have a lot of customers ahead of them because YOU'RE GOOD. Yup. I'm sure they'll get it eventually. Till then, put ear plugs in your ears and smile, LOL! Of course, that's easy for me to say...

[moogiequilter]

this is a common situation when our avocation becomes a vocation. You have gotten some wonderful advice, and I only have a couple of comments:

1) I understand about giving appointments, it's hard to judge, so why not just tell them the quilt will be done in 6 months. That gives them a target. And we all know, some women will complain no matter what.

2) I'm learning that I need to 'select' my customers as carefully as they select me. it is okay for us to say no. what is not my cup of tea might not be an issue for another quilter

3) don't forget we got into this because we loved doing it, NOT because it was our primary job. That gets really lost in the shuffle. I've had to put up a sign by my sewing machine to remind myself that this is my HOBBY.

[JuliaDay]

"Mom - that is not fair that you get paid for doing something that you love."

Amazing insight from an almost 12 year old. The greatest gift I can hope for is to do something I love. DO I get burn out? sure do!!! Does the beast sit lonely in the studio some days. . . sure does!!! Do i juggle a great hubby (who cooks and shops and does kids doctors apointments, 2 great boys, walk the dogs (2x a day if i am being good to me and them) still pay all the bills with another full time job . . . Whew!! Yep I do it all. SOme people ask how, but I tell them I give the time where it is needed both for others and myself.

My hubby and I all have chores around the house. He cooks and shops, the boys do the dishes change thier own sheets and sort the laundry. Having it all not rest on your shoulders is very important. Sharing the burden and fun with the whole team is the best part of our family.

Good luck, take a deep breath. Go get your toes and hair done and make a cosmopolitan.

~Julia

[quiltmonkey]

Originally posted by JuliaDayGood luck, take a deep breath. Go get your toes and hair done and make a cosmopolitan. ~Julia

Ooooh! A cosmopolitan! Now you're talkin' Julia! I love cosmos! Now I am really wanting a yumma-yumma coctail treat in a pretty glass. :cool: And someone to rub my toes and make them pretty, too? Oh there is a heaven and I'm dreaming it right now.... ahhh!

[Bekah]

Melody, it sounds like you need a time to rejuvinate, however that looks for you. Take the time, it is okay to take a break. Talk to your family about this, they may have some suggestions and at the very least you will know how they are feeling. I know as a family you can work it all out.

Remember to breath, dance, laugh and, oh yes, sleep.

[quiltaholi_518]

Martha,

Are you talking about saying "NO" to someone, anyone?

That's my biggest problem, and a woman thing, I think. We are hard-wired to please others before ourselves. I have backed myself into a corner with some of my best clients. When they have a rush I try and accomodate, and then before you know it, every time I take a call from them it is a "rush" Soooo I have decided each time I get a rush there will be an "overtime charge" of 30-50 dollars, depending on size. I told one woman this, explaining that if I have a rush I will not put another clients quilt back on the list, instead I will work evenings and weekends to do theirs, so just think of it as "time-and-a-half" And she was okay with it. But I bet she will plan better next time.

My 2 cents.....

[moogiequilter]

you betcha I'm talking about saying no. I have said yes to some things I had no chance of doing and stressed myself out beyond words trying to do the impossible. And then broke two needles. ARGH. I'm realizing that the stress of saying no is less than the stress of trying to produce a miracle.

you are sooooo right - we women are wired to please and to say yes and to try to make anything happen. I really like your 'rush' fee, but I also will bet that you will have a couple of people who will always give you a rush job and pay the money because they would rather pay, than to take the time to plan their lives.

Do I say no every time I should? LOL of course not, but at least I'm realizing that I don't HAVE to say yes all the time.