stitchin cricket Posted September 25, 2015 Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 Heidi, I can understand how you feel with this situation because I work in an environment that deals with these types of people daily. All I can say is to continue to be their for this precious child because in the end she is who matters most. You are a wonderful caring aunt whose love and devotion will give her the love, support and courage she will need throughout her life. Believe me when I say that even though she is young, she knows who is and isn't there for her. I can also tell you that when it comes to government and courts, if it isn't documented, it didn't happen so document everything even if you think it isn't significant. The day may come when you will need that information (dates, times, incidents, etc.). Be as detailed as possible. My favorite bible verse is "ALL things are possible through Christ who strengthens me." My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 25, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 Heidi, I can understand how you feel with this situation because I work in an environment that deals with these types of people daily. All I can say is to continue to be their for this precious child because in the end she is who matters most. You are a wonderful caring aunt whose love and devotion will give her the love, support and courage she will need throughout her life. Believe me when I say that even though she is young, she knows who is and isn't there for her. I can also tell you that when it comes to government and courts, if it isn't documented, it didn't happen so document everything even if you think it isn't significant. The day may come when you will need that information (dates, times, incidents, etc.). Be as detailed as possible. My favorite bible verse is "ALL things are possible through Christ who strengthens me." My thoughts and prayers are with you. God Bless, Carmen thank you. I have been going through this for 6 1/2 years now and have a pretty good trail of events. I've worked with child protective services in two counties, mother always moves and we start all over. Thankfully after this last move the judge finally stopped her from taking Madison and that is the only reason BIL got custody. Her mother moved less then 3 weeks after she agreed to a new custody agreement and the move meant that there was no way BIL could have his parenting time, 3 days a week because he wouldn't be able to transport her to and from school. I was never so thankful in all my life! BIL has his issues too but at least he makes the effort in the important areas such as her medications, dr's and school. There is plenty of room for improvement and things that happen that scare me but I think in the long run it is a much better situation now because her mother can't legally keep her away from her father or me. BIL needs to learn to not fight with her mother, it does nothing. He says horrible things to her and it is just a vicious cycle. Poor Madison is in the middle and doesn't at all like that her parents can't at least be civil to each other. I use it as a lesson of what you shouldn't do when you grow up. I grew up in a home of domestic violence and I am very sensitive to what Madison goes through. Thankfully there is no physical violence but there is plenty of verbal assaults. I never knew my upbringing wasn't normal until I was probably almost 30. I know the reason I was able to change the cycle is because I always had a "special" person that would take me in and let me get away from the situation. I'm so thankful that I had that because I know for 100% that I would not be the person I am today if it weren't for their "guidance" and love. So I'm paying it forward with Madison and hope that I can help her change her future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted September 25, 2015 Report Share Posted September 25, 2015 Heidi, I don't check in as often as I used to and just saw this....I know your history with this situation and will continue to lift your situation up in prayer....maybe one day you can have custody of her.....It seems that you are the one who cares the most for her welfare - you are a very caring person! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeidiP Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Madison is so blessed to have you in her life. I'll be praying for you, her and her parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaR Posted September 26, 2015 Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Heidi, how old does Madison have to be to give her opinion and pick the person she would like to live with? prayers continue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 26, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 26, 2015 Heidi, how old does Madison have to be to give her opinion and pick the person she would like to live with? prayers continue. Rita in general they don't do that until they are like 14 or 15. It would be a very hard thing for her because she loves both of her parents and doesn't really understand their failings. She is a smart girl and I just need to keep "training" her and she'll make the right choices. I tell her when it is ok to tell her parents their actions aren't ok. We spent an hour and a half going over her insulin pump book and I just let her lead me with questions and how much detail...she wants to know it all! LOL I think we both have a much better understanding of it now and I showed her how to mark things that you don't want to forget, underline, highlight or dog ear the page. Now when she wants to remember something she can go back to the book and find it. We're both learning all the different terminology for the pump gadgets. I know that she will go to her mother's and father's and "make" them learn it too I'm glad she is such a smart girl and she always amazes me with what she understands. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cagey Posted September 27, 2015 Report Share Posted September 27, 2015 Heidi: I will keep you, Madison, and their parents in my thoughts a prayers. Hopefully the two of them will look beyond battling with each other, and do what is best for their little girl. Even though they are separated, they will be together with Madison for the rest of their lives. It is truly unfortunate that child services never seems to do what is best for the child, verses simply following the doctrine that a child should be with their parents. I am sure you and Madison will be better off for all that you are doing for her. Take care, and God Bless. Cagey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IBQLTN2 Posted September 28, 2015 Report Share Posted September 28, 2015 prayers always for you and Madison and her parents to take an interest in her health. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gator Posted September 30, 2015 Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 Heidi, so sorry to hear about Maddie's diabetes, especially the way she liked to help you make all the Christmas goodies. Thank the Lord that she has you to watch over her. A very wise person once told me that children aren't children forever, and Maddie will soon understand everything you've done for her. I wish you could take custody of her but the laws seem to protect a lot of "those parents" who shouldn't be allowed to raise children. I'm praying for you, your family and Maddie. My hubby now has type 2 diabetes so I know a little about the disease. My heart is with you and I'm here to listen and help where I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 30, 2015 Author Report Share Posted September 30, 2015 Heidi, so sorry to hear about Maddie's diabetes, especially the way she liked to help you make all the Christmas goodies. Thank the Lord that she has you to watch over her. A very wise person once told me that children aren't children forever, and Maddie will soon understand everything you've done for her. I wish you could take custody of her but the laws seem to protect a lot of "those parents" who shouldn't be allowed to raise children. I'm praying for you, your family and Maddie. My hubby now has type 2 diabetes so I know a little about the disease. My heart is with you and I'm here to listen and help where I can. Thank you Connie! Maddie still helps with the baking and yes she loves it. It is much harder now to let her enjoy them, although we don't withhold. With her type of diabetes diet won't make the difference, unlike type 2 where it can sometimes help. For her if she has carbs she has insulin, unless she is low and then she gets a free treat. Now that she has the pump it will be much easier to let her enjoy treats. Previously they didn't want you giving shots within 2 hours of the last one so that makes it harder. Luckily Madison has never been a sweet eater. We had her 2nd appointment and she went live with insulin today. Her mother didn't show up. Now I'll have to try to teach her when she picks up on Friday. It just makes me worry. At least I know she went to the training and knows how the pump works. The only things she hasn't practiced is changing the infusion set, needle. That has to be done every 2 or 3 days so I'll change it Friday before she goes to her mothers. Makes my stomach hurt just worrying. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaR Posted October 1, 2015 Report Share Posted October 1, 2015 Thanks for the info Heidi. I too didn't hear what I wanted to hear. I just wish life were wonderful for all kids. Makes me sick that her Mom doesn't care, and now with the diabetes, it's worse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wyonut2run Posted October 5, 2015 Report Share Posted October 5, 2015 There are camps for kids with diabetes. Great experience & opportunity for the kids to learn a lot about caring for themselves. I have had type 1 diabetes for 41 years, on a pump and love it. Camp Hope Inc in Casper,WY is the camp I attended and was counselor at for years. I know you will get it all figured out. Diane Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuiltGuy Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Heidi, I have been away from the forum for a while...so just saw this. Your niece sounds like she may be a good candidate for a CGM (Continuous glucose monitor). If she can get this approved through her insurer (it is expensive, but common technology) it gives continuous readings of blood sugar so she can watch to see if she is getting in trouble (like when her Mom doesn't follow her diet) and allow her to address the problem more quickly. Usually they want to see you use a pump for a while before you can qualify for one, but considering some of her social situation it may be a good thing to keep in mind and ask her Endocrinologist about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinpatchquilter Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I just read back through all of your posts Heidi - boy I am so saddened to hear all of this. I think the universe puts people where they are needed - and do I ever think the universe put you there for that little girl. The whole story is heartbreaking, and what a tough spot you are in because it's family. My heart goes out to you, and God bless you for being there. I have a friend who's daughter is now in 7th grade and diabetic. By 2nd or 3rd grade she was giving herself her insulin shots and knew how to track her own carbs. Her mother is amazing and if there were a race for awesome moms I am certain she would run circles around me. She amazes me with all she handles and with incredible grace to boot. I'm afraid I might cry and fight and throw fits and the difficulty of the situation - or then again who knows, sometimes the hardest things in life show us how strong we never knew we could be. It also shows us how weak we are as well. On the same note I also have several souls in my life who are as you describe your Brother in Law and his wife. They just can't seem to get their heads into the right place for their children. It's extremely difficult to stand by these people for the children - I can't even imagine the strength you must pull together to do that! I hope that things can change, I really do believe people CAN and do change. If not I hope that you can continue to be a support for your niece where no one else is - it sounds like this pump will make all the difference for her and her parents, even though they don't realize it. When she is old enough to realize what you have done for her, she will be so grateful! Prayers for your and your family! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Heidi, I have been away from the forum for a while...so just saw this. Your niece sounds like she may be a good candidate for a CGM (Continuous glucose monitor). If she can get this approved through her insurer (it is expensive, but common technology) it gives continuous readings of blood sugar so she can watch to see if she is getting in trouble (like when her Mom doesn't follow her diet) and allow her to address the problem more quickly. Usually they want to see you use a pump for a while before you can qualify for one, but considering some of her social situation it may be a good thing to keep in mind and ask her Endocrinologist about. Dave she will have the CGM,they just haven't started using that feature yet. Thankfully insurance covered a good part of the pump and then because BIL is low income the company reduced his out of pocket cost. Right now it has been about 10 days so they are adjust insulin to get it to the right rates, mostly the basal insulin which she now has 3 different settings. I'll be glad when we can just look and see where she is at and not have to wait for symptoms. They come out of nowhere sometimes. Last night she had a big dinner with pasta no less and she went down to 62 about 1 1/2 hours later. Usually the pasta spikes her. Then gave her the 15 carbs and got her up but over night she went to 357. Ugh it is a battle. We'll get there. She loves the pump! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted October 10, 2015 Author Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I just read back through all of your posts Heidi - boy I am so saddened to hear all of this. I think the universe puts people where they are needed - and do I ever think the universe put you there for that little girl. The whole story is heartbreaking, and what a tough spot you are in because it's family. My heart goes out to you, and God bless you for being there. I have a friend who's daughter is now in 7th grade and diabetic. By 2nd or 3rd grade she was giving herself her insulin shots and knew how to track her own carbs. Her mother is amazing and if there were a race for awesome moms I am certain she would run circles around me. She amazes me with all she handles and with incredible grace to boot. I'm afraid I might cry and fight and throw fits and the difficulty of the situation - or then again who knows, sometimes the hardest things in life show us how strong we never knew we could be. It also shows us how weak we are as well. On the same note I also have several souls in my life who are as you describe your Brother in Law and his wife. They just can't seem to get their heads into the right place for their children. It's extremely difficult to stand by these people for the children - I can't even imagine the strength you must pull together to do that! I hope that things can change, I really do believe people CAN and do change. If not I hope that you can continue to be a support for your niece where no one else is - it sounds like this pump will make all the difference for her and her parents, even though they don't realize it. When she is old enough to realize what you have done for her, she will be so grateful! Prayers for your and your family! Valarie - thank you so much. I do what I can for her. There are days where I'd like to go back to my quiet life and enjoy just spending time with my grandkids but not raising a child any more. LOL I couldn't ever turn my back on Madison though. She is a special little girl. Now that I have her regularly again, every other weekend and I see her every Friday after school, she is much more the girl I'm used to. She absolutely loves to help with anything and she is relaxing a little about feeling like she needs my constant undivided attention. I think she just can't get enough of one-on-one time. I'd love to be a fly on the wall at her mom's. Her mom tells it like she is the most attentive mother in the world but I've seen enough over the last 6 1/2 years to know that isn't the truth. I try not to judge and I keep praying she will change. I would love for them to raise their child together and have her grow up to be a responsible, well rounded, self-reliant adult. In the mean time I'll do what I have to do for her. She is really doing well with her pump. She does know how to do her carbs and how to calculate her insulin. She is a smart little girl that is for sure. She has handled the diabetes so well and has never been sad or whiny about the shots. I think the adults have the hard job. We know the consequences of high's and lows and it is a lot to think about. I always feel a little added pressure because she isn't my child and if something happens on my watch I know I will be the first to be blamed. Her mother would cut me out of her life in a heartbeat, she has done it many times. When Madison was 4 I had to call the police and they called in CPS. The report was horrifying but CPS didn't take her away. Instead the result was that her mother made me the enemy and I was cut off. BIL didn't have custody then so her mother called all the shots. When I did get to see Madison she wouldn't let me out of her site and would keep saying over and over, "Aunt Heidi I love you." I explained to her that I loved her and would always be there for her, I would never leave her willingly. She knew it was her mother keeping her from me but I never trashed her mother to her. I wouldn't trash either of her parents to her because I don't think that is what she needs. Instead when she tells me stories I tell her how she can take control and have a say and I always tell her who she can go to for help if she can't get to me. it is often a delegate balance. BIL would never keep her from me, although we certainly don't always agree. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cagey Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 Hieid: Don't you just wish there was a magic stick, that you you could use to beat some bloody sense into the mother, and your BIL???? Divorced or separated individuals always need to remember, that it is not about them but their children; the real family. It is no longer about them, it is all about the family. The need to be reminded about the true meaning of the word FAMILY; Forget About Me, I Love You !!!!! Our Prayers and best wishes go with you and Madison. Cagey PS: I have a stick I could loan you, unfortunately there is no magic left in it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stagecl Posted October 10, 2015 Report Share Posted October 10, 2015 I am so sorry for all the problems. I know you are not crazy for doing what you are doing. Madison is important and you are helping her. That is what is important. If she didn't have you to support her life would be a different story for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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