rcck00 Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM " He left it where he knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. Husband vs Wife A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied , "in-laws" WOMAN'S REVENGE "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.." W O R D S A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?" CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you! WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee.." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ..........."HEBREWS" God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mskazooli Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 OH, Cathy, these were very funny! I was giggling and had to show them to my DH. . . I love them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lym95 Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 The last big argument Margie and I had ended up with me not seeing her for two days. Then, on the third morning, the swelling went down enough for me to see her just a little bit out of my left eye... Actually, we get along wonderfully. We made a pact when we got married that has worked perfectly ever since - - We agreed that I wouldn't try to run her life and... I wouldn't try to run MINE either! mrmargie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffq-lar Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 :P:P After reading a book called "How To Be the Master of Your Domain" the husband layed down the law to his wife. "You will cook me a gourmet dinner every night, bring me my home-made dessert to the den where I will smoke a cigar and finish with a brandy you have warmed for me. The bed will have starched sheets and will be turned down and ready for me every night. And do you know who will be combing my hair and dressing me in the morning?" She sweetly smiled, "I suspect it will be the funeral director." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrmquilt Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Those are so funny, Michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 I am going to make Andre read these. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lym95 Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Brad says I treat him like a God....... because I sometimes serve him burnt offerings. :P:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jmcclannan Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 :P:P:P Thanks for the chuckle. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 These are good! Thanks for the giggle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kimmiequilts Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 :cool: Too funny! Thanks for the chuckles! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathG Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 Still chuckling:P:P:P:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stagecl Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 I haven't stopped chuckling...:P:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PattyJo Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 :P:D:P:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindasewsit Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 I like the barn yard one!!!:P:P:P wish I was that quick on the comeback!!! linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieBrewer Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 The first joke could be my husband and me. I'm a real silent anger person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meg_marsh Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 :P:P:P:P:P:P:P:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.