I'm Guilty...

[janjacobson]

I am guilty, and need to know what too do. June 2007 it was a good time to participate in a block exchange. I would be able to finish all the blocks before I leave on an 7 week trip to Tanzania. Needless to say, after harvest was over, my mom had back surgury and my father had other medical problems, I didn't get any done and/or sent to the ladies who sent me some wonderful blocks. Since I have returned home in March, my husband decided to run for State office, and life has been taking me for a ride... full speed ahead.

Do I send the blocks back to those sent to me? Should I give the project to my daughter to complete and bail me out? Should I complete my quilt from blocks sent and offer the quilt for raffle or gift to someone in need?

Has anyone else ever been in this situation?

[quiltmonkey]

OK I am going to say you need to finish your blocks as you committed to do in the original plan and send to the original recipients. I think when we commit to things we should fufill our promises. We are adults and we can Make The Time to do what is necessary, even when we think we don't have the time...we can make the time. If you can't fulfill a promise then don't commit in the first place. Sorry to sound like sour grapes but too many people find the easy way out of something they'd rather not do, when they really should "cowboy up" and just do it.

I would be extrememly insulted --- If I had been part of the block exchange and I sent you a block and you decided to send it back to me because you chose not to take the time to fulfill your promise to do the block exhange, I would be totally insulted. That's like handing something back and saying no thanks. Disgraceful. Before you do something like that put yourself in my shoes. Would you want one of your blocks returned back to you? So sad. Think about it. How would you feel?

Send your blocks to the original folks with a sincere letter of apology for your tardiness. No excuses and no trying to hand off your promise to other folks or give to charity. Those blocks should go to those who were on the initial list. Think about it, if you are strict with a schedule...(say a few hours on two weekends...or one hour each night for seven nights) surely you can finish these blocks. What is a few hours notched out? You spend that shopping or cleaning. Let the shopping and cleaning go for once. Stay home and sew. I'd rather sew than shop and clean!! LOL

You can do whatever you want with the blocks you've recieved, unless there was an original agreement to do something special with your recieved blocks. Stay true to your commitment.

Ask yourself this question: If my husband who is running for office makes a political promise and doesn't follow through, is it OK? Can his wife make a promise and do the same? I don't think so. Your integrity is just as important as your husband's. Maybe even more important. You two are a team, especially when it comes to politics and public offce. Lots of scrutiny to withstand in public office.

Even if it's been two years since the block exchange, following through is something you do for "you" not for anyone else. Do this for you.

Just my (always humble) $.02

[Deb2bie]

I'll second that Shana. It is better late than never. Jan, if you have to be away from home a lot, try English paper piecing or hand piecing your blocks. You'll be amazed at how much you can get done as a passenger in the car, waiting for an appointment etc. I've even done English PP while at a concert. Ther lights were dim but you really don't have to see too much once you get the hang of it, kinda like knitting. You might want to send a note to those you owe blocks to so they know you haven't backed out of yhour committment, just late, so they'll save a space for your blocks.

We all know you can do it!!!

Debbie Cadwallender

APQS Sales-Service-Education

517-304-6854

afinishedquilt@tds.net

[MarieBrewer]

By now you are probably feeling as tho you better finish the blocks or the quilt nazi will get you. Decide how much time you need to devote to each block and set that time aside every other day or once a week until it is done. You will lprobably feel a lot better about yourself when it's done. There will be no guilt and that is good!! Good luck. Do you have a quilting friend that can help you out or do a couple of blocks w/you?

[kimmiequilts]

Shana's right on the money, I know that I have 12 Christmas blocks to get done and in the mail before 8/31. I've not been sleeping too well which makes me pokey and there are many customer quilts to get done. I am slowly working on the 12 and will have them in the mail as soon as I can. Keep your commitment Jan you may be surprised how good you feel when it's done! Good luck! I must say that I am in awe of the ladies who have already mailed their blocks to me, especially the North Pole quilter (Shana)who had hers done first! :cool:

[SandraC]

Well, I'm here to give a different point of view. Last year in the middle of the exchange my husband got very sick. We spent a few months back and forth to hospital before he died. Since then it's everything I can do to do the essentials that my family needs and also keep my business going. At the time, everyone was understanding about my need to bow out. ( I really hope there were no hard feelings! ) So, my thoughts are that, sure, life gets busy and you should try to keep up...then there are times when life just gets ridiculous and you have to really prioritize to keep your sanity...when life gets like that you really have to trim stuff out of your life, believe me!

Maybe this is the kind of time Jan is in now, she knows how much she can handle and I think everyone should respect that.

Just my opinion, Sandra

[Bekah]

Okay I too am guilty and I feel really badly that my blocks are not finished and out to the wonderful ladies who sent them to me. I will get them done and sent to them and have thought about perhaps just making them into a block wall hanging. I will finish them, even if late because it is the right thing for me to do. But I am with Sandra, if Jan is not able to do finish the blocks then we should respect that.

Debbie thanks for the tip about English paper piecing. I am trying to learn how to do that and had not thought of it as a way to get my blocks done.

Jan, you have to follow what your heart tells you and if like me you are slow getting them back to the ones who gave, it will be okay. At least I hope so. I know that the people on this forum are the kindest family I have ever had and forgiving so I bellieve they will be kind to both of us for out tardiness.

[chickenscratch]

I am going to make this suggestion to those of you who can not find the time to fulfill your commitment to this swap.

Take those blocks that were sent to you and mail them to the people who were supposed to get a block from you, just don't mail anybody their own block. That way those folks will have the amount needed to complete their quilt. You won't have a quilt, but that's only fair since you didn't participate.

I know that sounds bitchy, but I'm tired of people who agree to do something and don't follow through. Yes, life gets crazy.. People get sick, jobs get stressful. Believe me I know. We are fighting with everything we have to try to keep our house right now. Do you think I don't know what stress is??? My husband is working two jobs and I'm getting ready to go back to working two jobs. I have 7 people living in my house right now, so I have all that extra housework to do. SO WHAT???

I commited to making 12 Christmas blocks and I will get them done. I have 6 finished right now. I am trying to finish at least 1 every couple of days. It may be exactly August 31 before I get them done, but they will get done.

I totally agree with Shana. You are adults; you need to make time to accept your responsibilities in life, even if that means you need to give up a few minutes of TV watching time. Maybe you could get up 30 minutes early and sew a block before starting your day. Maybe you could stay up 30 minutes later and sew a block at the end of the day. You might find that relaxing after a stressful day.

If it was a customer's quilt that you had committed to do, you'd sure find time to finish that wouldn't you?

Okay, off my soapbox now.

[kimmiequilts]

Hey Teresa, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I hope that everything works out for you and thank you for all the time and effort that you put into these exchanges. I've never participated in one that was SO organized! Pat yourself on the back for me! Hugs to you !

[quiltjunkie]

Shana & Theresa are right on the mark..life gets crazy and a husband getting sick and dying are 2 different things and the latter is a valid excuse for not being able to fulfill a prior commitment. My word or promise is the only thing I have that shows what kind of a person I am..Here's an example..3 years ago I had just started a quilt about 2 hrs into it (custom) when I went up into the tree in my back yard to get my bird, fell out and crushed my shoulder..the whole time I was sitting on the ground and at the hospital I was wondering how was I going to finish that quilt on time? It was for the LQS owner, a donation quilt for her son's school auction 4 days later... I knew I had to get it finished When I got home from the hospital 6 hrs later, the first call I made was to another LA's in my area and asked her to come finsih the quilt..She's a good friend and she got it done just in time for the auction..and a post script to that.. I was scheduled to teach a class at the LQS 36 hrs after falling out of the tree. I had 6 students signed up and I was there, pain killers and all and tought the class. I could have easily begged off both responsibilities, but other people were counting on me. I just got it done!

[Merryjo2003]

Shana and Teresa are on track as far as I'm concerned. I know husbands getting sick and dying are a valid excuse for not getting things done on time. Everyone understands that. I agree that if you do not want to own up to your committment, send the blocks you received to the people on your list.

I have a different was of dealing with stress. I stay busy. I deal with the problem, but don't get buried in it. Staying busy helps relieve my stress. Life goes on no matter what it throws at us. Time keeps marching. Grief is a process. One cannot get stuck in it. There is a time to start living again. There are groups you can join to help you get past a blow like this. It sounds harsh, but you are not the one who died. Being barely able to cope with the simple stuff initially is understandable. But, it can become a crutch and leave someone unable to cope indefinately. Doing simple things like sewing, walking the dog, etc., put your mind to another task and can give you some temporary escape. Nothing better than having responsiblilties you have to follow through with to start pulling you out of the chaos your life is in. Gives you some order and structure. Start small and work your way up. You'll start feeling better more and more. Best of luck. Sorry for your loss.

[caroljean]

there is alot of sage advise in this thread.

wise women. ditto to all of it. live up to your responsiblities the best

way that you can. it shows alot of character.... and that after all is all

we really are.

[DoryJM]

Shana and Teresa, I'm with you. I committed to the Christmas exchange when life was a bit more sane at my house. However, like Teresa, even if it takes me until 8/31 to get them finished (I'm hoping to START this weekend:o), I will do it. I made a promise and I'll keep it.

I rarely commit to anything because life can be so unpredictable, but this sounded like so much fun and I had so much time before August...right?? I did have time and had I always used that time efficiently, I could have had my blocks already sent. Did I do that...nope.

Shana...thanks for the dose of reality and Teresa, I hope things get better for you. Working one job is bad enough!

[katnap]

I hope you all don't mind me poking my nose into this thread...but I'd like to speak from the other side....the side that was supposed to recieve something that someone else didn't seem to have the time to complete what she committed to.....(hope that made sense)

I used to participate in a group that met twice a year and went to the mountains for a quilt retreat. At the end of the retreat we would commit to the next project that involved making a block or project that we shared. This one project was to make up 4 blocks that represented our birthdays and then somehow incorporate that into a gift to give to the recipient.

6 months later...we all met....we all sat around giving each other the gift that was made. All sharing our Oooo's and ah's.....(quilted bags, vests, wall hangings.....so many cool things) when it came around to me...the last one to receive...I was handed an envelope...(the lady who drew my name was not there...she dropped out at the last minute) and in my little envelope...was 4 little blocks ...and a note that simply said...sorry....I didn't have time to do anything. Talk about being crushed....OMG....I was so hurt. We all live very busy lives...but each of us made athe time to complete what we commited to.

Now I have a very very good friend who ran into this lady a few weeks later and basically gave her the 'what fors' and at the next Friday night sew...she asked for the blocks back and made me a cute wall hanging...all made with paper pieced quilt blocks and hand quilted. I have named that quilt ...The Guilt Quilt....LOL

My point here is....each of us insert ourselves into groups and we want to participate in, with what is going on. When we don't hold up our end, we let the others down...and as women, sisters, friends, fellow quilters...we should always hold up our end of the bargain and NEVER let each other down. You never know just how much you might be hurting or disappointing your fellow sister quilter...just because you didn't make the time.

JMHO

[AnnHenry]

I was so surprised to read Shana's very harsh reply to the initial question because Shana seems always to be so sweet and nice and gentle. This is the type of reply I would have given, but it seemed unreal coming from Shana!

I had a somewhat similar experience to katnap. When I joined my first Friendship Group, we took turns each month making a block to give to another member. One woman wanted to go first and we let her. She chose a very complicated applique block. Applique is my LEAST favorite thing to do, but I did every single blasted piece of that block.

She collected her (12) blocks and moved away the next month. I'm still angry about that.

As far as not having time - I won't believe that unless you can prove to me that you never have to wait in a doctor's office, never have to wait at a governmental office, and NEVER sit down to watch TV, etc., etc., etc. An amazing amount of sewing, both by hand and at the DSM, can be done while watching TV.

[AnnHenry]

Shana really got me fired up here.

Originally posted by janjacobson

Should I complete my quilt from blocks sent and offer the quilt for raffle or gift to someone in need?

How do you have time to complete "your" quilt from blocks sent if you don't have time to finish the ones you should?

[quiltmonkey]

Ooops! I didn't mean to sound too harsh. But I was just trying to give advice plain and simple and to the point. But trust me,,, I can be a meanie sometimes if I have to! LOL! I love you guys!!

Jan, it's OK. Don't feel too bad about your blocks. Life's too short to worry about the small stuff. Hey... but I think you should still do them; get them done and out the door and move on. You will feel much better after finishing what you started.

We're all human. Things get in the way sometimes and we lose track even with the best intentions. Even I procrastinate with the best of 'em! I think sometimes we get spoiled (yes, I know i am very spoiled) and we get a little lazy (yes, I know I am very lazy) but when I get a little too comfortable, I try really hard to remind myself that I live in a wonderful country, that I have a lovely house, I have a beautiful family that loves me, and I have a good job, good health, I have food in my cupboards. I have practically no worries. There are people in this world who live in countries dominated by fear and live in a shack with dirt floors, and fight for a scrap of food for their children. Me? I get to sew and I get to quilt and I get to be part of things like a block exchange. I have wonderful friends. Life is good. I can make time when time needs to be made to do what I should do. I count my simple blessings every day.

One of my pet peeves is hearing people whine or complain about inconveniences when they have so many things to be grateful for. It becomes a habit after a while. For example, just a few weeks ago, a lady I know from out of town asked to stay at my house, rather than a hotel, to save $$ while her husband was recovering for five days post surgery in the local hospital. I was happy to help her situation, but while she was here, every time she opened her mouth, she was whining about something; she even whined that my phone rang too loud. :mad: She about drove me up the wall. I just told myself that she is a habitual complainer and probably has no idea that every time she opened her mouth, whining came out. She brought a queen size quilt top with her and I even quilted it for her on my machine while she was here. She ate breakfast and dinners here, stayed at my house, did several loads of laundry.... Didn't offer to pay for anything or bring food, but after I mentioned it casually that I need to make payments on my longarm, she gave me $50.00 for her quilting. After a few strong hints, she did bring a $6.00 bottle of wine for dinner one of the nights. Oh but she was sure to tell me about her new cherry wood kitchen cupboards and countertops and the new hardwood floors she put in her house. :mad: Some people are pretty funny, eh?

Anyway, I try not to complain too much about inconveniences but sure, I do it, too!

[Judi]

Oh my - is all I should say.......

First off - Jan Welcome to the forum! We are usually full of great advice and helpful hints here - love photos and sharing ideas!

But - I agree with all the others who said "fullfill your commitment" that is what making a commitment is all about. As Ann said - how could you possibly find time to finish your quilt, but NOT send out blocks?

Guess I am still a bit steamed after that first exhange we did. It took me HOURS to make a tiny 8" feather star block - with 129 pieces of fabric in - and she NEVER sent me a block yet!:mad:

I was persistant and kept emailing her to see if she at least got it, oh yeah - she did - and finally - MANY months later - I got a "Thank you" email at least...... Personally I would much rather she HAD sent ME MY block back!!! I can understand all of the points said here, and I am going to get up now and go work on my Christmas Blocks - because I am Stubborn and DO NOT GIVE UP!

"Nothing Worth Having Comes Easy!!!" (I think this will be my next tattoo, I say it all the time!)

Teresa - Girl I am still praying for you! Hope things work out for you and your family - REAL SOON!!

[epprog]

Okay you all, I hardly ever post but I read this forum every day and love it. I am sooooo glad to see all the posts about being accountable. We run a rental house businesss (over and above my Quilt store and quilting business) and believe me, I have heard every excuse in the book for tenants not paying the rent or just part of it. Like, "my aunt died and I had to go to the funeral" and I know that the funeral was in the town they live in, so I just say, "what's that got to do with you and your rent?" Nevertheless, though sometimes excuses are ligitimate they are usually "just another excuse" and I for one try hard to make sure I just work harder when life gets in the way from a committment that I made. Having said that, I have to quit reading here and get back to work. I thought that summer the work would slow down and I think it did a bit but with housefulls of company most weekends and the quilt shop that I have open on Mondays and Tuesdays I am very very busy, I have 17 quilts waiting of which I just finished 3 so I'm down to 14 so I am going to load another one (thank goodness a bunch of them are just lap size!) right now and see if I can get a good start on it yet tonight.

So Jan, if you can, I think you should finish the blocks. In this world there are more and more people that just think they can excuse their way through, but being accountable to your word just shows what kind of person you are and also the kind of person you are trying to become. Do your best and you will feel good about yourself!

Cher

[sammi357]

Chiming in with another two pennies... imnsho...

Better late than never.

drop those people a quick note with a really sincere apology that they're late, life does get crazy, but that they WILL get them, then do anything within your power to get said blocks finished, and if it takes recruiting a helper to get them done, well, maybe scheduling a day to sit and sew with another person there will get you focused and accountable to make the time to do them. this will go a long way to restoring your good name, as well.

My sad tale: a group of ladies agreed to a block exchange with one person coordinating the exchange. All the blocks were to be sent to her, (with cash for return postage) then she was going to sort and return them. I have never seen my exhange blocks, nor have I received my own blocks back. At this time, this exchange is more than 5 years old. This woman had numerous life issues, but the fact of the matter is, she entered into a contract with the rest of us, and has left all of us wondering where our blocks are. All she would have had to do was say, "I need help" and someone else would have completed the job. I even offered to pay for shipping. Quilters are nothing but generous.

At this point, if she simply returned them, it would make me happy. I don't even expect an apology, but would just like my blocks back! I have one block from the set here, and every time I see it, it makes my blood boil. Recently, I found a 'stolen quilts' website, and am making photos and a record of the blocks, and will be posting it on the site. Since none have them have been returned, with not one solitary word from the person responsible, I'm labeling her 'thief.'

Incidentally, later, another person on the forum mentioned something about "yeah, I wondered about Her, she's done something similar before..." Well, Geeze! it seems to me like that little tidbit should have been mentioned, perhaps to the forum moderator or exhange chairperson! It would have saved us all a lot of grief.

Life just happens. We get busy, we have accidents, we have losses, even happy things like new babies and puppies take time!

Everyone will understand if they're a little late, but will they understand if they are the one left with nothing?

sammi

[Judi]

Well said - well said!!!

Sorry we really seem to be harping on this, but we all have our stories - and very real reasons for why we form our "strong" opinions.

Just ask my daughters the first four words of this saying - and they WILL know how to finish it! (I never have to anymore....)

"I DON'T WANT EXCUSES - - - I WANT RESULTS!!!!"

[janjacobson]

Thanks Ladies for your honest opinions... even the Nazi ones. LOL

This is the first block exchange I have agreed to. I really didn't or don't know the protocal. Life does get crazy at times, and sometimes I just focus at the shimmer of light at the end of the road Im on.

So yes you did all help and given me insight to exchanges as well as jogged my memory on a "Towel" exchange I did when I was first married 27 years ago... send 3 to the three on the list....and recieve.................NONE ........in return.

My plan is to write/email them all making sure I have their block preference correct.... and start sewing one at a time until they are done. :cool:

Shana, you aren't the nazi. You actually remind me of my mom, who's advice is right to the point, no fuffing my pillow to lesser the blow. And it is that type of advisers I find in most of my best friends.

Jan

[AnnHenry]

I'm impressed that you "took your licks" with such grace!

[Quiltsinmotion]

I am so glad you are going to sew the blocks . You really will feel a peace in your soul .

[Lsilver]

Yes to promises kept! Hurrah for you. Everyone has the same 24 hours in a day.

I think the important part here is that NONE of us can see what the road has in store, but when you agree to do something, make sure it is realistic in light of where you are when you make the promise.

There is a person in my life that makes many promises in the spirit of " good intentions "and 99 times out of a hundred, despite those promises not being solicited, the time comes to deliver and no amount of reminding or good spiritedness on my part will move those promises any closer to being kept. That's a lose-lose situation!

I think people who sign up for things often do so because they think their life will feel as good when it's pay-up time as it does when they make the promise. I especially experience this in exchanges, and have stopped doing them just for that reason.

I guess I am also a promise Nazi, but I would rather someone smack me than make excuses. There are very few situations that are genuinely beyond our control. Those that are deserve prompt explanation and restitution.