Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Just got a call from my MIL. I see who is calling and take in a deep breath and say "Hello." She says, "Should I call 911?" Me, "What is wrong and why do you need to call 911?" MIL, "I called the dr. yesterday and they haven't called me back. I need help." Me, "What do you need help with?" Her, "I can't take these hot flashes." Me, "You can't call 911 because you're having hot flashes." MIL, "Well I need help and I'm 80 and when your 50 you can take hot flashes when you 80 you can't." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok that is me screaming. Really going to call 911 because of a hot flash...see how that works for you. They will take you to the hospital because they have to then charge you a fortune and then send you home. Put on the AC and cool off the place. MIL, "I can't because I'm freezing." OK which is it freezing or hot flashes? I'm going to lose my mind! It isn't even 7 am! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkayr Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Thanks for starting my day off with a giggle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisquilter Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Oh my goodness Heidi! I laughed my head off. I took care of my Aunt and would hear things like that, but not quite so bad. At least she had a very good sense of humor and most often we were able to laugh it off. Laugh with us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Do you think she just wants some attention? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 I wish I could say I was laughing! She is driving me crazy. See I even posted it under the wrong section of the forum! I've had her to the dr. the last 9 weeks and every time we deal with one of the problems she finds something else. I wish they would just put her in a home and I could be done. Unfortunately she doesn't even meet the minimum requirements for that! My daughters wedding is less than 3 weeks away and I'm trying to get everything done. Any of you that have planned a wedding know how busy it is but holy moly she is making it miserable. OK I'm done complaining. I am glad that I can add some humor to everybody else's day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Originally posted by Primitive1 Do you think she just wants some attention? She wants somebody to come in and wait on her hand and foot that is what she wants. She gets all kinds of attention and it isn't enough for her. She wants to lay on the couch and do nothing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Just got a call from my MIL. I see who is calling and take in a deep breath and say "Hello." She says, "Should I call 911?" Me, "What is wrong and why do you need to call 911?" MIL, "I called the dr. yesterday and they haven't called me back. I need help." Me, "What do you need help with?" Her, "I can't take these hot flashes." Me, "You can't call 911 because you're having hot flashes." MIL, "Well I need help and I'm 80 and when your 50 you can take hot flashes when you 80 you can't." Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, ok that is me screaming. Really going to call 911 because of a hot flash...see how that works for you. They will take you to the hospital because they have to then charge you a fortune and then send you home. Put on the AC and cool off the place. MIL, "I can't because I'm freezing." OK which is it freezing or hot flashes? I'm going to lose my mind! It isn't even 7 am! I posted this in the wrong section of the forum and I don't want any of you to miss out a good laugh. Laugh for me because I'm finding no humor right now! I'm trying to get my daughter's wedding plans finalized, have a quilt to finish by Sat. and I have to deal with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K. Szymaszek Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 I get a laugh reading about your MIL, but I also feel for you. You've probably tried this, but my thought is she needs someone to tell her how fortunate she is to have a DIL who cares enough to do all you do for her. Now for the flip side, I too get rediculous hot flashes followed up with being cold to the point of my insides will shake. I have'nt thought of the ER, but at a scheduled Dr's app't. this week I plan to bring it up. I have to say, it is overwhelming at times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Originally posted by K. Szymaszek I get a laugh reading about your MIL, but I also feel for you. You've probably tried this, but my thought is she needs someone to tell her how fortunate she is to have a DIL who cares enough to do all you do for her. Now for the flip side, I too get rediculous hot flashes followed up with being cold to the point of my insides will shake. I have'nt thought of the ER, but at a scheduled Dr's app't. this week I plan to bring it up. I have to say, it is overwhelming at times. LOL she says I'm ignoring her and not listening. Evidently the dr's and the hospital are ignoring her too! I too suffer from hotflashes, cover's on cover's off, sweater on, sweater off, ect. about 30 a day and yes they are no fun but I can't stop them. I'm so frustrated with her. I called the dr's office and asked them to increase her depression meds. We have to get this under control or they need to commit her. Her cheif complaint today is that her hair is getting dirty every day from the hot flashes and she can't wash it every day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IBQLTN2 Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 OMG, What next??? People 911 call for the craziest reasons, Hold on you are almost to the wedding, then you can call 911, lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltinchicks Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 oh my goodness Heidi, I feel for you!!! I have told my husband for years that I will never be in your situation lol. Hang in there!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
K. Szymaszek Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 It's funny for us to hear but I know it is unbelievably stressful for you. Hopefully Drs will have some kind of solution. Just keep your sense of humor if you can and keep venting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffq-lar Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Next time she calls with a self-absorbed, ridiculous non-problem, gently inform her that while you "care so much" and "want to be there for her", your plate is full with the wedding and she has two options. She can call someone else. Or she can save up all the bile and nastiness--I mean, all the serious life-impacting problems-- and you will call her once a week--for 15 minutes--and she can spill it all out. She is spoiled and manipulative and she calls you because she knows you'll listen to the crap. No one earns the right to be this nasty. Join the club of those who have decided not to put up with her. Easier said than done when you are a caring person--but this will impact your health, my friend. I know the wedding will be beautiful, that you are doing too much on that front as well--but it's a joyful giving. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others--the ones who actually need what you have to offer and who you love so much! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie in Ok Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 I agree with Linda. You need to limit the times you answer her calls to once a day or couple times a week. You call her back and then put it on speaker phone and then do housework at the same time. It will make the listening much easier for you and she can rant all she wants. Feel your pain but know how it goes had a brother that did me the same way but not quite as bad as your mil but had to draw a line for my own sanity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zora Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 She's just old, has no control over her life, and wants attention. My mother was a wonderful person all her life, up until her late 80's when she began losing her mental accuity. She became self-centered, demanding, untruthful and ungrateful. She will not go on forever, and your life will be yours again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustee Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 So sorry you have to put up with such a difficult MIL. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I know it is hard to hang in there at times. Sending huge ((((((((((hugs)))))))) your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heritage Keepsakes Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 You poor thing having to deal with this on such a constant basis. I know how busy you would be 3 weeks out from your daughters wedding, having been there myself. This should be a time that while busy, you should get to enjoy the last few weeks you have doing all those special things you need to for your daughters wedding. It shouldn't be overshadowed by a demanding MIL. If you can, gently handball the main responsibility of her to someone else for the next few weeks, while you look after all those last minute essentials. After all Heidi, your the mother of the bride, which means your important too!! Hope you find an easy solution soon, to this situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corey Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 I agree, ditto to Linda R., you are a very giving/caring person, not fair & not good to your well being. Take care Heidi. Corey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustSewSimple Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Heidi, I love your stories! You are such a trooper! She calls you because she knows you can do anything!!!! Can you imagine growing up with a mom like that? Heavens! Bless you Sweet Heidi! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Originally posted by JustSewSimple Heidi, I love your stories! You are such a trooper! She calls you because she knows you can do anything!!!! Can you imagine growing up with a mom like that? Heavens! Bless you Sweet Heidi! Sylvia I'm glad you love them! No I cannot imagine growing up with a mom like that! She didn't even get up with her kids when they went off to kindergarden. I've never understood her from a "mother" perspective. I also want to clear up that there is really honestly nothing wrong with her. In her mind she is 80 and she has earned the right to be waited on. I don't know why all of a sudden she thinks 911 will be able to assist her with her Princess Syndrome but she does. When she called me on Fri. to see if she could call the dr (please do but they are closed) about the hot flashes I told her I had about 30 a day and my best advice was this: Sweater on, sweater off, covers on, covers off. This morning while she is telling me that at 50 you can handle the hot flashes you just can't at 80 she says, "oh and I don't ever remember seeing you wear a sweater!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ginnysnowden Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 I am 71, always pray before telling troubles to my children. God has a special place for you. My dear Mother before she passed called 911 then called me and told me she had done so. Then a trip to the hospital waiting and the nurse would come out and say did I notice anything wrong, we cannot find a problem. If that did not get attention she would place herself on the floor and try to act like she was having a seizure. Mom Passed last June and God forgive me it has been a relief. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Originally posted by ffq-lar Next time she calls with a self-absorbed, ridiculous non-problem, gently inform her that while you "care so much" and "want to be there for her", your plate is full with the wedding and she has two options. She can call someone else. Or she can save up all the bile and nastiness--I mean, all the serious life-impacting problems-- and you will call her once a week--for 15 minutes--and she can spill it all out. She is spoiled and manipulative and she calls you because she knows you'll listen to the crap. No one earns the right to be this nasty. Join the club of those who have decided not to put up with her. Easier said than done when you are a caring person--but this will impact your health, my friend. I know the wedding will be beautiful, that you are doing too much on that front as well--but it's a joyful giving. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others--the ones who actually need what you have to offer and who you love so much! Linda - Well I'd love to just be able to limit it and honestly I don't put up with more than 5 min. let alone 15 min. I have tried the loving gentle reminders as well as the stern not so gentle reminders. There really is nobody else for her to call and I just try to reassure her that these things will not kill her and she has to do her part. Here is the problem. If she doesn't think I'm giving her the attention she needs she will call 911. 911 will then send an ambulance, they will transport her to the hospital and then call me since hubby and I are her emergency points of contact and the only ones that live locally. That is only going to make be expend even more energy to get things under control again. I would turn her over to her sons however these are the issues they have: 1. My hubby - not been well and I'm not getting into details. Lets just sufice it to say that he has been very sick and the last 10 months have been a living hell. He is finally feeling better but still not strong enough to addd more to his plate. 2. 2nd brother - been unemployed for 10 months, can't find a new job and funds running very low. He also lives 2 states away. I'm afraid for his health. He calls her and she won't talk more than 30 sec. to him because he won't join her pity party either. 3. Oldest brother - His wife has just gone through her 5th bout with Ovarian Cancer and thank God has survived. Just cleared of cancer last month but still fighting all the affects of chemo so he has his plate full 4. Youngest brother - Maddie's daddy and you all know that story. His focus has to be on Maddie and he is barely getting through all that. So long story short I don't know who else I can give her to. I'd happily give her away and I'd have her committed if I could. I've tried having her admitted and there is no medical reason to admit her for Princess Sydrome and there is no cure. I have tried reassuring her, spending time with her, having her live in my house, gotten her a beautiful place to live out her days (money is running out though), taken her to dr. for meds. When all money is gone she will have to either go to an apartment that is subsidized, get sick enough so she can go in a nursing home or go live with another brother. I'd love to say she used to be a loving sweet woman but I'd be lying. She has always been self-centered and self-absorbed. I really wish there was a better answer because I'd take it! In the mean time I appreciate you all letting me vent and at least finding humor in the crap we have to deal with. I'm taking care of myself but there is clearly stress related with this. Tomrorow I'll be laughing about the hot flashes. I will enjoy the wedding and I will be there 100% for my daughter. I will not give MIL the satisfaction of taking that away from me no matter what. She should know my kids mean everything to me. I'll do what I can but I won't go crazy for her. Thanks for caring and really I'm fine, just frustrated with the silliness of it all. Caring for an elder is a lot of work and really a full-time job and some are more difficult than others. I guess I got the short straw as far as MIL's are concerned. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Originally posted by ginnysnowden I am 71, always pray before telling troubles to my children. God has a special place for you. My dear Mother before she passed called 911 then called me and told me she had done so. Then a trip to the hospital waiting and the nurse would come out and say did I notice anything wrong, we cannot find a problem. If that did not get attention she would place herself on the floor and try to act like she was having a seizure. Mom Passed last June and God forgive me it has been a relief. I understand 100% how you feel!!!!!! I will NOT judge! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zora Posted September 18, 2012 Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Why are you dealing with this all the time? Give her your husand's phone number. He's her son. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted September 18, 2012 Originally posted by Zora Why are you dealing with this all the time? Give her your husand's phone number. He's her son. Lynn see 2 comments above as to why her son's can't do this right now. Hubby does what he can but he isn't the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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