jeri Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Again as I have posted part of this previously. If you are setting up a business or even if you already have one protect yourself. You never know what will happen in your marriage in the future. Make sure you have protected your business, your quilting machine and all of your supplies from your spouse being able to claim any portion if your marriage would happen to fall apart. I have been advised by 2 attys to set up an LLC due to my nightmare of the past 2 years dealing with a divorce and a spouse who has claimed he was a partner. I was only married to him for 5yrs before filing for divorce and now I'm having to pay maintanence even though his holding my equipment hostage for over a year destroyed my business. Please be careful. You may love that hansome guy and trust him with your life but if situation would change think seriously about what would happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Sew Simple Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Good advice. I have an LLC and I've been married 35 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarieBrewer Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I know anything can happen, but I can't imagine my husband giving a hoot about the four figure income I get from quilting. His horses cost about as much as my long arm. He couldn't give me those critters, I would pay him just to take them. Lovely to look at but a PITA to take care of. I know it's good advice, but I do wonder if it is necessary for all of us to do an LLC. There are a fair amount of requirements to sustain an LLC and they, too, are a PITA. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 I think its a wise thing to protect your assets....but I also think it a wise choice to know your spouses...Marie, and Sylvia...we married the good guys... Even if something blew up after almost 35 years of marriage, I know my DH wouldn't care what I took just as long as it wasn't his toys, split the rest and we both would be on our marri-ways or at least I would like to think that. But there are those out there that married what they thought was the good guys...and they turn rattlesnake real fast. Jeri, I had hoped you would have this all settled by now. It seems like its been going on for years...do you even have the machine back yet? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Bonnie I'm think I'm lucky too. Of course if my hubby ever wanted to get rid of me he knows I wouldn't go far without my machines :D:D! Sorry Jerri that you had this problem. I'm blessed to have been married to the same man for 27 years and I can't imagine life without him. I was only 18 and he was 19 when we were married and if I had a $ for everytime we were told it would never laugh I'd be a very rich woman! I know I'm one of the lucky ones. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoryJM Posted October 20, 2008 Report Share Posted October 20, 2008 Marie....you've got the wrong attitude about the horses. They are alot of work, but they are so much fun!! As much as I love to quilt, and I do love to quilt as evidenced by my Millie, given the choice between riding and quilting, I'll take riding any day! I'm counting the days until I can be back in the saddle competing in 50 mile endurance rides--especially since the doc says I have to exercise 7 days a week now and he says conditioning the horses is exercise:P:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meg_marsh Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Whether it is a snake of a DH or other bad situation, it is always best to protect yourself legally. If nothing else, it is wise to have certain things separated in a relationship - papers can be drawn up, signed and notarized giving up all claim to certain assets. This can and often goes both ways. Then keep those papers in a safe place (safety deposit box) that only you or an assigned person can get to. These items still have to be listed in a divorce, but at least they will be yours. It is like a pre-nup, only done after the fact. It is also wise for many women to have totally separate monetary accounts. Yes, again, these have to be listed in court, but you are then not without funds. Jeri, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I hope it does get settled sooner rather than later. You were wise to give a soft reminder to all of us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Sew Simple Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 When Mike and I had 2 small children we'd fake a fight and I'd tell him when he left to be sure to take the children. That always brought him back to reality!!! We have spent our 34 years laughing at each other. Life was always too short to fuss. Now days he'd hate to give me 1/2 custody of his Harley so I think my Lenni is safe. In MS all it take to form an LLC is $50 and one form. 2 days later you are in business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Originally posted by DoryJM I'm counting the days until I can be back in the saddle competing in 50 mile endurance rides--especially since the doc says I have to exercise 7 days a week now and he says conditioning the horses is exercise:P:P So glad to hear that you will be back in the saddle soon....and for those who have never ridden....riding isn't a piece of cake. After you haven't ridden for a while you truely will find musles that you forgot or didn't know you had. Riding horses is one of the best exercises you can do and have fun at. I miss that part of ranching, I just don't miss the work.... And Sylvia....we do that sometimes here at our house or at least did when Amy was little, but the best one is when he has been away for a long period of time I will call him up and ask him when he is coming home....and of course perfect timing...people always seem to be around so his answer to me is "you have till ____ to have him kicked out of the bed and that should give you enough time to get clean sheets on the bed" Or I'll just ask how long before I have to kick the boyfriend out.... I agree laughter has been a huge part of our success....will be 35 next June. Heidi....like you Gene knows I'm not going to leave my machines behind.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saundra Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Jeri, I truly hope your situation is over soon. I also married one of the good guys....We were married 48 years last May. We also married very young and were told many times it would not last. I really can't imagine a life without him. Saundra Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigletaz Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Jeri - sorry you have to go through this (and for sooo long!). My husband left after we agreed I could order the Freedom but then before it arrived. He left a marriage of over 12 years and two kids, one with autism. He couldn't handle the responsibility. Needless to say, the machine sold seven months later, even though I paid cash for it, I could not keep it and make a living so soon. I needed 3-5 years to build up a solid customer base and time isn't on my side. Things did turn out well, we are divorced, I am self employed, but doing administrative work from home and the kids and I are happy. Another machine will have to wait, but I am hopeful that I will eventually get another one. Take care and good advice. Luckily my ex did not even want to look at the machine much less hold it hostage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammi357 Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Jeri, that just sucks! what a goober. some people only want what they don't have to work for themselves. something for nothing. Ya know, I'm a lucky one, I married a dear! He's such a sweetie, but, he'd be a hard act to follow, I'm certain I'd never do this again! lol! I'm not sure I would have battled it for two years. I'm split, part of me would take it to the mat, make him PROVE which quilts he quilted! WHO were his customers, Where is his photo album? WHERE is his log book? What was HIS schedule on the la? Where's his time sheet? Partners share in the work, right? WHAT did HE do? Then, I'd be making up a list of any other piddling thing I could think of, and counter suing for that in retaliation! Ya wanna make my life miserable, I'll show you who INVENTED the game!! Don't forget about those IRA's...WHO's checkbook funded those? and the health insurance or other benes? If it were you, if you were paying him for something, then he's just an employee, and you don't owe him doodly. and maintenance? WTH? I wouldn't pay maintenance to a man...I'd quit first! They could give me three hots and a flop in the county before I'd pay it! LOL! Yes, I'm THAT stubborn! It almost sounds like you need a better/new atty. The other half of me would say, 'to hell with it,', it's not worth making the atty's rich. It's just stuff. Sell it all, split it and walk away. You'd get half, and you'd be done with the DH. (In this instance, it doesn't mean 'dear husband"...!) YOU CAN start over, you CAN do this again, after all, YOU are the one with the skill set. You CAN get a job in the meantime, and you CAN recover from his bs. YOU can buy new fabric, ;-) you CAN get back on your feet. Your quilt customers will see the truth and will still be your customers. When you feel like you're at the end of your rope, tie a big knot and hang on! hugs... sammi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BossQuilter Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 We never believe that we must protect ourselves from the ones we love... I was perfectly single, owned a small farm, a quilt shop and all the toys that a man would love, snowmobiles, tools, a great wood shop all decked out, all the comforts I needed. Did I say I was single? Then a wonderful man stepped into my life, swept me off my feet and made me feel complete. Three years later I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, the surgeries, chemo and radiation.... Made it through that, got back in the groove and then two years later he found someone else. Didn't have the fortitude to tell me, even said later in a court deposition that he intended on staying married to me even after the affair. We spent 2 years getting divorced... he listed absolutely everything I owned before marriage as community property. He got my house, my things and I had to pay him to keep my quilt shop and my job. I was forced to become homeless and broke over the love I so wanted.... I even had to beg and negotiate a payment to him to keep my health insurance that he and his attorney's fought to take from me. One month after the divorce was final, 8/07 I was again diagnosed with breast cancer. I am facing financial collapse due to the attorney bills and medical bills. I am still fighting hard to gain my life back physically and have another year of surgeries ahead of me. I am alone in this process. My friends are my solice but at the end of the day the life I had built for myself and then with my husband are just a sick memory now. No matter how well you think you know someone? you can never imagine the change that can happen when someone decided to check out on a relationship. The legal system is not there to help anyone in a divorce. The only way to protect yourself is to make everything clean cut legally BEFORE you would ever need it. Will I ever trust another soul in this world to be my support system? Never! If God sees his way to ever allow me another home, you can bet that I will defend it to my death. Be thankful if you are in a good marriage, just don't expect that anything would be "good" should something happen. Greed and separation from toys become the master then and unless you are very rich and plan on making an attorney even richer, you can and most often will lose everything. There, sorry for the blast, sometimes you just have to get things off your chest. :_) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Sew Simple Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 I live in a "right to work" state. His holding you machine prohibits your right to work. You could figure how much you would have make in the last 2 years and sue him for that amount of money. You attn. needs to get moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Yikes after reading some of the experiences I'm going to give my hubby an extra special hug today and remind myself how blessed I really am! We used to joke that we would never divorce because neither of us would have given up custody of our children. Now their grown and the kids have been replaced by machines...just kidding. We do love each other and neither of us has any intent on changing that. We complete one another. Sounds odd I'm sure to all of you that have had such a horrible experience but really it can happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoryJM Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Trinity, you are going through such a tough time. Is your store an on-line business? If so, post the link and I bet you'll have lots of us buying stuff to help you in the small way we can. Sending you a hug:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ramona-quilter Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 Jeri and Trinity - my heart goes out to you both. I have long preached to my young friends, including my DIL, you must protect yourself. Even if it is just having a credit card in your name only. You never know what the future will bring. On another note, Dory's idea about shopping at Trinity's shop is a good thing. But the bad girl in me wants to organize a bunch of quilters (a la wives club movie) and storm Jeri's house and Trinity's place and "take back" what is theirs. We could put on commando style disguises and wait til these snakes are at work and go get your stuff. You know that I am only kidding. But when you hear of men that do this to the women they once loved, men that violate the trust you give them and break the vows of fidelity....well, I just want to string 'em up. :mad: :mad: I am a big believer in what goes around, comes around. You may not be there to see it, but they will get their come-uppance, even if it has to wait for the pearly gates. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stitchinsally Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 I'm sorry that some of you had a bad marriage experience. If you have to look at the negatives before getting married, maybe you shouldn't get married to begin with and just stay single. I'm proud to say that my husband is actually a partner in our LLC and 1/2 ownership of everything else in our lives. And, my example are parents who got divorced after 37 years of marriage. Besides, negatives of any business could come from any direction - a paying customer that trips on your steps as they are walking in your studio for example could just as easily ruin you. I am so thankful to have a husband of 13 years who has never once - yes, that is correct not once - gotten angry with me. The reverse, I'm sad to admit, it not always true but, he puts up with me and loves me for who I am. If it wouldn't have been for him, we probably wouldn't have our little business. Check out Hebrews 13:5 to maybe give you some inspiration that nothing is ours to begin with anyways. God's Joy Everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matildanme Posted October 21, 2008 Report Share Posted October 21, 2008 I've been happily married for near 21 years and have always had my own "just in case of emergency" bank account which I've built up over the years. It's kinda like the money they told you to have in your purse just in case your date turned in to a fizzer so you get get a cab home. My DH is a great guy and I love him to bits. Although I wouldnt want to, if need be I can and will survive without him, the knowledge does not hurt the relationship either I have a friend you lost her home and business when her dirtbag of a boyfriend went for all he could get after the romance ended. Did she think that this could have happened? No, she loved him and thought he was the man that she would grow old with. You never know whats around the corner. I don't imagine women knowingly marry dirtbags. We only see what they want to see and/or sometimes people can change. It's great to build a future with a partner but alwas protect what was/is yours so should things take a turn for the worse you have a soft place to land. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darlene Epp Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 What I don't understand is a court system in your country that allows this kind of thing to happen in the first place! Is there no common sense left in judges, or are your laws written to favor the scumbag?! I'm left speechless by a country that would allow a sick woman to have the rug pulled out from under her with no thought of HER future. Don't even get me started on a health care system that can bankrupt you overnight. When I see reporters and politicians on the news saying "You don't want a health care system like Canada has do you?!" I just want to jump through the TV set, wring their necks and say "YES!" Our son was in a bad accident 20 years ago that left him in a coma for 4 months, in rehab for 9 months, in a group home for 9 months, at home for 10 years and finally into his own place. He has a home care worker 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, plus a wage loss pension for life. What did all that cost us? NOTHING! In fact I was reimbursed for my rent, cable, phone, heat etc. when I moved from home to Vancouver to be close to him during the time he was in rehab. That was through Workers Compensation. And what is my son's health insurance premium? $54 month. Ours for the "family rate" is $96 month. That's the maximum you can pay in B.C. Please let your politicians know that you won't put up with the abuse any longer. My heart just aches for you all, knowing that at anytime it could be YOU that is left with nothing because of illness. My dad just passed away 4 weeks ago after battling cancer for a year. Again, no medical bills to pay. My mom has had 4 lens implants and 2 cornea transplants in the last 30 years. Again, no bills. I better get off my soap box before the suds swallow me up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyLynn Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Trinity, I live in a small NE Montana town, but recently had a friend move to your area. She has invited me to visit and am planning on a trip in the spring and your shop is on my list of must do's...(even before you posted here.) Can hardly wait til then, Meridian is to be a stopping point for a road trip to Reno to visit an uncle (also a quilter friend from our town and the stores that she has gotten to know.) I really do not understand how he could get all your property?!!! My sister is going through a divorce which is ugly and I keep telling her what goes around comes around. But just remember the sorry SOB is miserable or he would not do that crap. I too, am single, because at my age I have not found any one who is good enough to be a part of my life. So my little shack is mine, as is my business, machine etc..... Whenever I hear stories like these, I get very angry. I hate greedy people. Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Darlene, I can guarantee you that in the US we'd never have a health care premium so low and we would not get what you got! In our country you go on disability and your medical would be covered. My brother had a serious accident about 8 - 10 years ago and ended up on disability. They paid all his medical bills and he collected disability pay. The state even paid for him to be retrained since he could no longer do his job due the injuries. As far as a socialized health care system, I'm so against it. I had military health coverage which by all accounts is "free." Not really. You do have to pay a premium every year and your deductables. On top of that trying to find a doctor and getting the appropriate health care is near impossible. My children and I both had some very serious health issues while my husband served our country and getting care was horrible! IT was just another worry and another stress. I fought many battles trying to make sure that my children were cared for appropriately and battling the TRICARE system that didn't want to allow anything. IT was beyond horrible. We thought that we would have great health coverage for the rest of our lives but you know now I work and pay a bi-montly premium of $71.40 just so that I'm not subject to having to deal with our "free healthcare." I'm also curious because I have a friend who is a family practice physician in Indianna and he was telling me this weekend how many Canadian patients come to the states to get healthcare. Does Canada cover that cost too? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Mitchell Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 I have a specialist that had a practice in Canada and still visits his mother on a monthly basis. He has many physician friends in Canada he certainly did not paint a rosy picture of the status of health care in Canada and had many stories of waiting for medical care and other issues in the Canadian heath care system. I had 5 coronary artery bypasses, when it was discovered that I needed the surgery I was operated on the next day. John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darlene Epp Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 Hi John, All I can tell you is that we've had good experiences. Yes, sometimes the wait is longer than we'd like, but emergency cases are looked after quickly. No system is ever perfect, and I think Drs. see things from a whole different point of view, that being their own pocketbooks most of the time. We lose some Dr.s and nurses to the States because they can make more money down there. The main point I was trying to make is that we don't live in FEAR of an illness bankrupting us. I can go to any Dr. I choose to go to, not one that my insurer has to "approve". I've taught many U.S. students over the last 8 or 9 years and the subject invariably comes up over lunch. Many are working another job solely so they can have health care benefits and still have to pay exhorbitant premiums every month. Even then there seem to be high "deductibles". Having said that, I've only experienced what it's like in B.C., not other provinces. I've heard that Alberta is much better than here, but Ontario may be worse. Each province is responsible for their own health care, but everyone in the country GETS health care. If your income is low, you can pay as little as $6 a month in B.C. You still get the same care. The last 2 years I've gotten a staph infection in my foot from something in the garden. Each time I was on IV antibiotics, which meant a trip to emergency twice a day for treatment for 10 days. Annoying yes, but it never cost me a cent other than parking, just some time. I got LOTS of reading done and now stay out of the garden! Our governments need to get their priorities straight! We can trot all over the world telling other countries how great we are and how they should be like us, while we have homeless, jobless, hopeless, sick people right here on our doorstep and the gov't talks about "civil rights" in other countries. Instead of law degrees and inherited money and power, it wouldn't hurt if one of the requirements to assume office would be to live a year in the "real" world with "real" people facing "real" problems and hold down a "real" job, and pay "real" living costs. Most of them need to graduate from the school of hard knocks. It might bring back some common sense to gov't. Sometimes I think they have to check their brains at the door when they enter politics! Someone get me OFF this box before the suds overtake me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lindasewsit Posted October 22, 2008 Report Share Posted October 22, 2008 [ Our governments need to get their priorities straight! We can trot all over the world telling other countries how great we are and how they should be like us, while we have homeless, jobless, hopeless, sick people right here on our doorstep and the gov't talks about "civil rights" in other countries. Instead of law degrees and inherited money and power, it wouldn't hurt if one of the requirements to assume office would be to live a year in the "real" world with "real" people facing "real" problems and hold down a "real" job, and pay "real" living costs. Most of them need to graduate from the school of hard knocks. It might bring back some common sense to gov't. Sometimes I think they have to check their brains at the door when they enter politics! Someone get me OFF this box before the suds overtake me! Amen to that, Darlene!! linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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