cblevins Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I only have 1 child and 1 grandchild that is actually mine. Candi dropped out of college and married a man 11 years older than her who had custody of his twins...a boy and girl. She loved them and so did we. She had Nathan. The day after her father was buried he left and took the twins with him. He was involved with someone else. He has not seen Nathan since he was 2 and he is 17 now. Candi struggled to make it on her own and ended up as a postmaster. Good job and benefits. She remarried. Nathan was diagnosed with Tourettes syndrome when he was 5. She sent him to kindergarten but she decided she could not send him to public school after that. She quit her job to home school him. She has done an excellent job. His Tourettes has dictated how their lessons were handled. When he had horrible head jerks she read everything for him. When his arm was jerking she wrote what he asked her to. When he paced she followed him. Those are things a public school teacher couldn't do. He has taken his S A T's and scored very high and is now looking at colleges. He is a handsome, well rounded, well educated 17 year old. He has a part time job working for a u-pick farm and bought himself a truck. Her husband has been a wonderful father and the man I married after Gary died has been a wonderful grandfather. Candi has struggled to make ends meet because her husband does not have a very good job. She has never taken help from anyone. Her ex did not pay support and she never pursued it. She figured if he wanted to be part of Nathan's life he would call...he never did. Her ex husbands younger brother has contacted her and the family wants to see Nathan. Come to find out her ex is only about 20 miles from us. She has never talked bad about him to Nathan. She always told him she just did not know why he never made contact. Nathan has never asked much. I think that is because she has managed to give him such a stable life. She is going to tell him tonight about his brother, sister and the rest of the family. Please say a prayer that this will all work out and that Nathan and Candi won't be hurt. She has had such a hard life but she is everything a parent would want their child to be and Nathan is such a great kid. I am extremely proud of both of them. I have watched their struggle for so long and even though I won't voice it, I truly resent her ex and his family. They were well to do people who never even sent him a birthday card in all these years. He fell out of a tree when he was 10 and had to have 35 stitches in his leg. She just finished paying the hospital off 2 months ago. Now that we know where he is and where he has worked all these years we realize Nathan could have had insurance. Pray that I can keep my mouth shut as this unfolds! Candi and Nathan... http://inlinethumb03.webshots.com/47234/2439629120106738947S425x425Q85.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaR Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Oh my goodness Cheri, You raised a jewel when you raised your daughter. Terrific Job. I love the pict.. is that your daughter?? Come on now, lets chuckle a bit.. I didn't sleep last night so my sight isn't the best this morning. When I saw Nathan, I thought he had a bow in his hair, for some costume.. Once I blinked a couple times I see it is his sun glasses. Anyway.. God only puts special children in special homes, where love will abound and discipline will be just right. So sorry for all she's gone thru, and you with her. Bless all the good ones.. they are sometimes very scarce. Prayers for sure for all of you.. and a big ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You will make it thru.. with pain probably, but you will make it.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustSewSimple Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 If Nathan is only 17 it is not too late to sue for back child support. It would finally make Candi and Nathan's life easier and more pleasant. It would not be done as a punishment for the ex but it is the right thing to do for Nathen. God bless all involved! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblevins Posted September 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Originally posted by JustSewSimple If Nathan is only 17 it is not too late to sue for back child support. It would finally make Candi and Nathan's life easier and more pleasant. It would not be done as a punishment for the ex but it is the right thing to do for Nathen. God bless all involved! Oh Sylvia, you don't know how I wish that would happen but it won't. I know her and her pride too well. With his high S A T's and the help of Vocational Rehab I think college will be pretty well covered. She has prepared him well. When Candi graduated from high school she recieved more scholarship money than she could use. She is extremely bright so she has been able to do an excellent job of home schooling him. He is a funny kid, the Tourettes doesn't seem to concern him much. He is VERY social and does not lack in confidence at all. When the ticks are real bad and he is meeting someone for the first time he just explains what is happening and then goes on. We have all taken Nathan everywhere with us so he would get used to the stares. It worked...when people stare at him he just smiles and says "Don't mind me, I have Tourettes". His neurologist says Nathan is the most well adjusted teenage boy he has ever met, let alone a teen with Tourettes. He is a fantastic kid and she is a fantastic mom. I know her or Nathan will take nothing from them that they won't voluntarily give. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 You don't even have to sue for the back support...all that is needed is the county attorney's office to be aware of the situtation and it will be takend care of through them...all back child support and even college could be on this mans head. BUT as you already said its not going to happen, and I agree with your daughter, its best to leave it alone, I am in the same situation here with Siana, her father hasn't even seen her in 8 years and hasn't paid child support in that long either. Our thought on that is that if he doesn't pay he doesnt get to see her, and its better for her to not have him in her life....past history with drugs and other women and a history of jail. She doesn't need that, and we are all for protecting our children. Nathan is better in my personal feelings being surrounded by people who love him and won't hurt him just because. My prayer for you to be able to keep quiet....yeah okay, I have to have prayers for that one as well.... you don't want to get me started on what I think of siana's father. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LFQuilts Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Cheri, Your daughter has very well with Nathan. While I share the low esteem with which you hold her ex, both of you have done a good job of not bad mouthing the ex. Both of you are blessed that this contact has been made now - when Nathan is 17, strong, and a young man. He can assess for himself the situation as a man and not as a child. I suspect that he will come away loving you and his mother more than ever. He will be able to assess his birth father for what he is. Hugs to you, your daughter, and your grandson. Nathan is on a good path and this will not make him stumble. Lynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori Dinsmore Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I had a Mom, much like you daughter...strong, willing, independent. I respect her and would be honored to call her a friend. I had a Dad much like his....just because you can make a child, does not make you a father ...(or a mother).. Only when my father was dying of cancer did he understand what he threw away. I am sure the Nathan will be fine in life...he's got so much more than "child support" God Bless your family...and the example you set for others to follow... Thank you for sharing your life...It reminds me of how blessed I was with my Mom. Lori Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carreen Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 My daughter never saw her birth dad after she was almost 2. He never paid a dime and never saw her either. Just before she got married she found him with my help and realizes what a loser he still is. I've been remarried to my present husband for 36 years and she is 38. THIS man is her REAL dad. Money isn't everything. The struggles are worth it. Apparently your smart daughter learned that young. Congratulations on a job well done. Carreen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Your daughter and grandson are beautiful and you have so much to be proud of...from what you have said they are both strong people and will continue to do well in life, it's too bad Nathan's dad has missed out on his wonderful son! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyrw Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Originally posted by JustSewSimple If Nathan is only 17 it is not too late to sue for back child support. It would finally make Candi and Nathan's life easier and more pleasant. It would not be done as a punishment for the ex but it is the right thing to do for Nathen. God bless all involved! Actually, back child support is not a debt that is "forgiven" when the child turns 18. Since Candi has been providing all the support, the debt is owed to her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisae Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Cheri, good thoughts and prayers for Candi and Nathan, and you, too! Everything happens for a reason. Hang in there! I also am sending you a U2U... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblevins Posted September 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Thanks everyone for all the good thoughts. I feel better. I guess the truth is I am a little frightened. Today is the last day I will ever be Nathan's only Grandma. I feel like a part of me is being torn out. Thanks Lisa for the article on Tourettes. I sent it on to Candi and I sent you a u2u. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
o2b Quilting Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Kudos to you and your daughter for a job well done!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LFQuilts Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 "I guess the truth is I am a little frightened. Today is the last day I will ever be Nathan's only Grandma." Cheri, You are an honest woman, but again, Nathan is no fool. He may find his other biological grandmother - but you are the one who has been there for him and for Candi. There is just no replacing that. While Nathan might have the opportunity to build relationships with other relatives, you will NOT loose him. As Nathan ages, he will come to better understand the gift you and Candi have given him: the chance to form his own opinions and the chance to grow up without worrying whether he will be a looser like his biological dad. His true family has given him the tools to live a full and thoughtful life - one built on a foundation of love. No kid gets a better start than that. Lynn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffq-lar Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 It is obvious you are agonizing over this situation, Cheri. You said the ex's family wants to see Nathan--but not his "father"? Something must have happened in that family to trigger this--either regret, ill-health, or a death can cause people to re-examine the choices they have made and try to make amends. As painful as this can be for the family that raised and loves this remarkable young man to "release" him to know the other side of his family, you and your daughter have made a good decision. My dear mother who died thirty years ago always said-- "You can never love too many people and you can never have too many people love you." Let your smart grandson have more people to love--he knows who you are and what you have done for him. Ok, I'm tearing up here-- I hope you find that this was the best thing to do. You raised an exceptional daughter and grandson. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheri Butler Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Cheri, my prayers are with you, your daughter and Grand son! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda G. Craig Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Cheri, my heart goes out to you and your beautiful daughter and Nathan. What a lovely photo of the two of them, and WOW, do they ever look alike! You've done a marvelous parenting job with your girl, and she has paid that forward and done the same with her handsome boy. I truly believe that Nathan will always hold you and your daughter closest in his heart. Prayers for your all and big encouraging ((((hugs)))). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CWBowser Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 My prayers are with you and your daughter ( who looks like Nathan's sister rather than mother) and Nathan. You have all done an excellent job in raising a special young man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koala-T Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 I am so proud of you, Candi and Nathan. She could have only raised such a son by having the parents she did. I have faith he is going to be just fine with this. HUGS to you all! (btw, Candi and Nathan are beautiful, inside and out!!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblevins Posted September 13, 2010 Author Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Thanks again everyone. I have spent most of the day in my rocker on the porch. It has been a long day and kind of lonely. Thinking of Candi's father. Nathan will always have an uphill battle because of Tourettes so maybe God is bringing these people back into his life to help open some doors for him or maybe just offer him support. I have to believe God has a plan and things will be ok. If it is best for him, I can learn to share I guess. (I never liked his other grandma...too whiny!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meg Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 Cheri - You may not be his only Grandma anymore, but you will always be his ALWAYS Grandma. You have nothing to fear. You established your place in his life over the years. Nothing can change that. Dont forget to be so proud of your daughter, as well. She sounds like a super girl. Sending you good thoughts and prayers for strength. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WestieMom Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 My thoughts are with Candi, Nathan and you! If God can bring you to it, he can bring you through it. It sounds like you have raised a remarkable daughter and your Grandson sounds like an amazing young man! Just know that you're the Grandmother Nathan has known all of these years. You're the one that holds a special place in his heart. God Bless you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zora Posted September 13, 2010 Report Share Posted September 13, 2010 No child (or adult, for that matter) can ever have too many people to love them. If this brings additional people into his life that will care for him, it is a good thing. It is tough to put aside years of hurt and anger. I know you are up to the task. I wish you the best. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 Lots of prayers coming for Candi, Nathan and you. I would be just like you! Hang in there and tell Candi "Great job!" It iwll all work out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bekah Posted September 14, 2010 Report Share Posted September 14, 2010 Candy you are a truly remarkable person and you have a remarkable daughter and grandson. As you said God has a plan and now just rest in that. Know we are all here for you any time, day or night. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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