suzanna Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Hi everyone, This could be long. I am in the middle of a dispute with the in-laws. It started out this summer on the 4th when my brother in law kicked my dog. I got into his face. (Keep in mind that he had just found out that he has something wrong with his nervous system, but that is no excuse.) He did say he was sorry, well sort of. He said that he was going to kick the dog when he wanted, but "I'm sorry to up set you". Than we can home and my husband and I decided not buy the family home from his two brothers. This was because we found out that we would be paying about $20,000 for a new garage and $10,000 for a new driveway. We also would have to put about $20,000 into the house to take to the 21 century. I have a dream that at the tender age of 50, I want to owe nothing, no house payment, car payment or any other bill. Which I will when I turn 50 in February. With the added part of the house remodel, we would be in debt for about $50,000 when I turn 50... Needless to say the brothers had "spent" the money before they had it in their hands. Mind you, we hadn't even gotten our house on the market, which in Duluth, is verrrry slllllooooowww. So, now we are "redoing" the house, planning a wedding for my daughter, September 8th and now the family actually hates us. At least that is the way that I feel. Yesterday, my brother-in-law yelled at my daughter and called her so many names that I can't even list them. Told her to grow up. I think that he is the one that needs to grow up. Anywho, has anyone else had a simular situation involving family??? :mad::mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen McTavish Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Just give me his address - I will go and kick his ass for you. Another perk of having me as your APQS rep. When the daughters are involved....its war.:cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsbishwit Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Sue; So sorry to hear about your family troubles. I think we all experience family tension at some point in our lives. Like you said seems like the "brothers" already spent the money before the deal was completely decided, but it's not your responsibility to go through on a deal that you aren't comfortable with, especially with the housing market the way it is lately. As far as the BIL that kicked your dog and was just plain rude to your daughter...sounds like he's the one that needs to be doing some "GROWING UP" and he needs to live within his means and take a lesson from you and your DH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 ROFLMAO!! You go, Karen, Baby!!! Wooohooo! She's sassy now that she's got those tats and a cool ride! :cool: Sue, sorry to hear about all this "mess" with the family. Yikes! Sometimes it is best not to be directly involved with family and "sensitive" real estate things like this, but if you do, have a 3rd party (like a land management company) act as your agent. Sad you have to go to those lengths but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do! Seriously, you know what is most important. Find your center and don't let anyone in there that doesn't belong. Focus on your daughter, her wedding and your immediate family (including your dog!) I would also tell your HUSBAND that he needs to deal with his jerk of a brother and if he steps near you then you or your dog are filing a restraining order against him. Who cares if he hates you. There are more important things in this world than his ego and his financial mess he's gotten himself into. Sheesh! I hope your plan to live debt free by age 50 works out. That is a fantastic plan! Enjoy all the blessings you deserve. Shana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsbishwit Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 on second thought, I like Karen's response! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sewingupastorm Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Sue anyone that kicks the dog has a REAL problem! Would you like me to give him a good chop! I have a blue belt in Karate and although I am not a black belt I am quite capable of putting him in his place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
victoriasews Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 How I feel for you. I really encourage you to get out of debt. We have been debt free since I was 45 and though we don't have the show home, we love our sweet place in the country and with no debt, we save and continue to improve what we have. We just put what a car payment would be in the savings and when our car needs replaced (I'm actually still driving a Honda with 245,000 miles on it) we will have the cash to pay. Life is very stress free not having to meet bills and we are able to do much spur of the moment things without worrying so much about the budget. As far as wacko families, ours could be basis for most soap operas. Treasure your own family and learn to do without the rest. Once I finally quit fetting over trying to please everyone and taking all insults to heart, I deal much easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Beth Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 I'll help Karen.... What kind of a guy goes around kicking a poor dog!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kuda Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Sue, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I'm glad you felt comfortable to vent w/us!!! We're here to support you!! No one, stranger or loved one, has the right to call anyone names (or kick an animal)!! I just had an incident last weekend w/my brother when he called me ignorant!! (Totally surprised me but later learned he, too, had some mood issues earlier that morning) I just CALMLY said, "That wasn't necessary and it certainly doesn't advance the discussion." It totally disarmed him!!! He had no power because I didn't 'react'. Hope it all works out for you!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadows4 Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 I agree with Karen and Shana!! Big thing is that your DH needs to be the one to deal with his brother and he needs to let him & the rest of the clan know that they aren't going to treat his wife, DD & dog that way. If he doesn't do something this stuff is going to keep happening. If that doesn't work, send in the Big Gun: Karen!!! Usually I figure on handling things in a kind manner, because you are responsible for your actions and not theirs, and so you don't want to be lowered to the level they have gotten to. You still want to hold your head high and show your DD a good example. This doesn't mean you have to take abuse from someone, family or not. What does your DH say about what's going on? Of course, Karen's answer is sure sounding better and better the more I think about it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanna Posted August 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 You guys are great...I have tears in my eyes because I felt that I did something to cause this...YIKES!!!! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. (Which is broken, but repairable)..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanna Posted August 27, 2007 Author Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 My husband is sad that this has happened. The problem is, he is quite passive and doesn't want to "rock" the boat. My mother-in-law passed in May and things haven't been the same. I know that she is looking down at all of the stuff happening and probably is crying....The BIL's have turned, but not for the better. I hope that with time this will heal.... I just hope that the wedding goes without a hitch....I will let you know...Thank again, Karen, you rock..at least I know that there is someone in Duluth that will be there for me besides my DH. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CucumberQuilting Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Hey, if your rep wants to throw in that kind of service with your machine purchase, then I'd sure take advantage of it! Hey, Linda A, how's your but kickin' action ~~ should ever need some? LOL Everything's :cool: in OR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phyllis Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 YEAH, KAREN! Sic 'em! If somebody kicked one of my dogs we would have serious problems! Let alone call my daughter names. I was always pretty laid back and let lots of people walk all over me. Now that I am older (and hopefully, wiser) I have this really bad attitude. I can give as good as I get. Don't mess with this ol' woman! Life is way too short to let anyone mess with you, be it friend or family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Count me in as well....NO ONE kicks my dog. Well, they would loose a leg if they did...she is big enough to take care of herself, God help the idiot who tried. Being an Akita does have its advantages at times. There is nothing worst than a family upset....you have recieved some great advise and I only can say...we are hear for you should you need us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffq-lar Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Family disputes are painful and it seems like your BIL has "issues" (remember when issues were called problems?) With a passive DH who has his "family dynamic" ingrained and who won't cause waves, perhaps you need to write down a list of "rules" that your ass-of-a-BIL will be required to follow before he can be a part of YOUR family. First on the list would be respect--for you, your daughter, DH and lastly, the dog!!!! Make it a contract and if he doesn't agree to it, you will never see him again! Win-win!!! Karen---I've got your back!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyLynn Posted August 27, 2007 Report Share Posted August 27, 2007 Sue, I know exactly how you feel. My dad passed away in Dec and my brother and sister are such idiots. I am sure they are acting no different then they ever did, but because they want me to "pay my 3rd" they keep me in the loop--but only when works for them. I said when dad died, that blessings would come out of his death, and perhaps blessings we would not see for years--well, after watching my brother and sister, I have decided when they get their heads out of their butts, dads work will be complete. But I refuse to let them drag me down to their level. I will not be bullied into something that I don't want to do. I can still get up each morning, look myself in the mirror, and like what I see in return. And I thank God each day that I am not like them. Keep your faith, and trust your heart and head. Good luck, Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kennan100 Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 oKaaaaay! Sorry about the dog, but tearing into DD is out of bounds. (putting on my black face paint, digging in closet for some camo's and pointy toed boots) So, that said, Karen, I'll hold him - you beat him - or we could take turns. We can rip off his head and puke down his neck, poke out his eyes and skull....oops! (I will not get kicked off the chat, I will not get kicked off the chat...). Sorry, got into Fierce Momma mode there. The brother's already rocked the boat and it's not even his boat to rock. There are times in family situations when someone needs to "man up" and, sadly, sometimes it's the women who have to do it. This isn't someone who would be welcome in my home for a looooooong time. Hope you can get things handled peacefully, if not, defend your home and your children regardless of who gets in the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QuiltFaerie Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You just can't pick your family. Isn't family fun? My sister turned out okay but my brother is right up there with the village idiot. The BIL's made a very poor decision to spend money not in hand. Not your problem or issue and I would be beyond angry if someone darned to kicked one of my animals. I even told a boyfriend one time (ex boyfriend) not to make me choose between him and my cats. This after he told me he thought that ONE cat was okay. Excuse me? I don't recall ASKING you. hehehehehe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizziesgirl Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 Sue, Last year my brother took my Mom to KY to my other brother and didn't let anyone know. We (my sisters) tried calling and they wouldn't let us talk to her, tried to send flowers and they refused them. We had no idea what was going on. I called her pastor and he accused me of stealing her money and said that when I tell them where the money is I will be able to talk to my Mom. I had no clue what he was talking about. They kept Mom for 4 months and then when she did come home they said we would be arrested if we tried to contact her in any way. They even ran her best friend away. There were only 4 people that was allowed to see her. This went on for 10 months. We finally got to see her and took her to a lawyer and got there POA revoked. Then the bro in ky went for guardianship saying Mom was a resident. She's lived in her house in mi for 37 yrs. The other bro showed up at my house with the police saying I was holding her against her will. Thank the Lord she wanted to go home that day and I took her. This bro is still manipulating Mom, we have evidence that the bros are the ones who have taken the money, but they deny it. So today we are meeting with the lawyers, mom, bro from here and us girls. I don't want to see any of my bros and I was really (I thought) close to the one here right up to him taking Mom. So Karen can I hire you to beat there a@#$%? The one in KY has a springer and it is decked to the hills. Will that be payment enough? :cool: I guess it doesn't matter how great of a family you grow up in, there's always something that can just make people snap. We were the family all the kids wish they had, how ironic. Prayers to you and your family Sue. It sucks but your family that you have right there around you, love on them and poo on everyone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudyLynn Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 When I read all the stories from other people---it gives me comfort to know that I am not the odd one out. I used to think our family was the exception---and as sad as it all is, we are actually the norm. I think if you come from a family that gets along COUNT YOURSELF LUCKY, you are the exception. It saddens me though, to read these stories. But makes me feel okay at the same time. It is just hard to believe that evil people exit. A good day to ya all. Judy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
karenbelle Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 Sue, Like you, I've had not so fun experiences with family. Take a step back and decide what is best for you and your family. Then act from those goals/values and stick to them. Don't let circumstances change who you are and what you stand for. Some time and distance (not seeing the BIL if it can be helped) may help diffuse the situration. Be responsible for yourself and your family - not for BIL. It is his problem, not yours. If that fails, it sounds like you can have a posse of quilters at a moment's notice to watch your back :-) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pigletaz Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 suzanna - I really can't add much everyone has said it-especially Karen with her "kick his ass" attitude. I agree. I also know that family issues are in EVERY family. I do not care what family you are from (even the Queen has family issues, hers on the front page of every tabloid in the western world). I have never heard of any family without the characters everyone has talked about. Village idiot, money stealers, stealing mom taking her to a bank, lawyer etc. That happened to my neighbor the other day!! Anyway, take care of the people you care about and let the others ruin themselves, you don't have to be part of their chaos. Good luck and have a great wedding!! What's that saying about weddings and funerals bringing out the worst in people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shadows4 Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 Hmmm... I'm a little concerned about who the village idiot is in my family!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beverly Posted August 28, 2007 Report Share Posted August 28, 2007 My dad used to tell me there is no "ship" worse than a partnership with relatives. Look at how the house deal is working out. Also think, is that house a "need or a want". At this time it sounds like it is neither. You keep on taking care of your dog and your family. Whoops!! Dog is family too. Shanna gave good advice. Find your center and concentrate on that. Try to enjoy this time with DD and have fun with the wedding. God bless you and yours. Beverly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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