Farmwife Darlene Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Update 04.08: Thank you all for your encouragements and prayers. With God all things are truly possible. She's been on medication and a synthetic replacement for Oxytocin - a natural hormone our brain makes for over 30 days now and we've truly done a 180. She is feeling better and said she 'wasn't depressed now!' She doesn't want to take her meds anymore but I gently remind her that is why she is feeling better and we don't want to go back to that point again. She agreed! This board of ladies and gentlemen are truly amazing. Thank you for being here and thank you for the prayers. It means a lot to me just to have you listen and think of us. Thank you again and God bless you always. Update: On Thurs I did not go to work but took her for an evaluation for hospitalization again. I knew she wouldn't qualify and she didn't. But that's okay. Bottom line - yes she is depressed and yes she needs medication but the real thing keeping her from returning to school this time - she had told her friends she wouldn't return for 3 weeks and she didn't want to be a liar and loose their trust! When that truth came out - it was huge! She is supposed to call them and talk to them today so that she can return to school on Monday. She was supposed to do a script yesterday but didn't want to work on it. We'll see how today goes since I'm here today with her and can encourage/push a little more. They did restart meds Thurs and will add more when she sees her MD on Wed. They all realize that she is going to have to take meds for awhile until definite progress is made. I'm thinking a year or more. Only God knows for sure. I came home from work last night exhausted and my body feels like a mack truck has run over it. I know it's stress and I did go to bed shortly after 9pm. Thanks again ladies. You are the best and I've been blessed to know that I have you to help me. May God bless each of you. Your words of encouragements mean so much to me. I've printed them out and will use them when times get difficult again. Thank you. Wed 2.22: I don't normally say much on this chat but I do visit several times a day to get encouragement. Some of you know that my husband and I adopted 3 kids from Ukraine 3 years ago. Now we have 5 total plus 1 DIL. Our oldest dtr is 24 and next is DS who is 22 and now is married. We love and adore them all. The 3 are now 17, 14 and 13. Well this past Sept, our 14 yr old dtr wanted to commit suicide. She spent time in a hospital and was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder and depression. In reactive attachment disorder, an infant or young child has not formed an emotional bond with a parent or other caregiver. This affects the child's ability to interact normally with others. She was separated from her mom at age 3 and from her dad at about age 6. She lived in the orphanage until we adopted her at age 10. She did not exhibit any problems for almost 2 1/2 years. Then this. She has been in the hospital for a total of 4 times now. She was in there all last week and we brought her home on Friday. Now when I tuck her into bed tonight - she wants to die again. She has no where to turn and even cut herself while in the hospital. During her first 2 hospital stays - she cut herself while there! Then during the 3rd stay - she was watched so closely she wasn't able to do that. But this last time - she did it and I didn't know until after I brought her home - like I said - she came home on Fri and then I learned last night that she cut herself last Tues while there. We have her seeing a psychologist, a family therapist, a therapist at school and now we have an emergency in home therapist until March 11. None of this is helping! I am sitting her crying myself because of her pain and there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I have been praying, our church is praying, friends are praying........... I've thought about putting this on here for more prayers and just hadn't yet. It's hard on her brothers and sisters also. They told her to move on - get over the past and look to the future but she can't/won't. She doesn't know how. There are so many on here that are facing life and death struggles and this isn't a physical illness that can be cured with treatments or surgery. That seems like it would be much easier than this. She is so beautiful, bright, intelligent and can be so much fun. She will never have a future with a family or anyone if she can't learn to have a relationship with people and trust people. She pushes us away because she is afraid of being rejected again. She pushes everyone away even her friends at school and church. She has begged us to give her up and let her go live with someone else. She doesn't realize that life would just repeat itself once she started getting close to that family also. People have said I'm sorry you're going thru this - I have never felt that way - not to boast but to say I don't want anyone else to face this pain because it hurts too badly. I know what I want to pray for but that isn't working for me. So I've turned my prayer to God's will be done for her. Whatever that is so be it. God knows best. I do not. So ladies I come before you and ask that you pray not for me - but for my daughter, my husband and family. It seems we are just going backward and we've been dealing with this for 6 months now. I have to get up at 530am and go work a full time job just to have insurance for our family. We had planned for me to be a stay at home mom and quilt for others but DH lost his insurance and so I need to keep working. Good thing because we've had 4 hospital stays in 6 months now. Plus therapy is not cheap. I haven't quilted anything for months and I miss it so much. I did go down last night and put binding on a sampler that I had made to show future customers. Now it's sitting here waiting for me to finish the binding. I'm sorry to keep ranting on and on....... But it is midnight now and I just have to share with someone. Thanks for listening ladies. And thanks for the prayers also. I do have all the prayers requests from this chat written down and I think of each of you also. I do appreciate this chat and the encouragements more than words can say. That's why I visit it daily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmland Quilter Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Dear Darlene, I am normally a night owl so caught your post right away. Most of my family's problems have been emotional not physical. Sometimes these need shared and prayed over even more. I am lifting everyone up in prayer as soon as I finish typing. Please keep us posted on how you are doing as well as how your daughter is doing. I have lived with chronic depression since I was a teen, I am now 61 and still taking medication. Suicide has often crossed my mind, I just choose not to because it would be a negative Christan witness. With everyone's help and prayers she can make it through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cblevins Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, when I was working as a GED instructor there was a girl from China that had the same diagnosis. She was adopted and came to the states when she was 12. She had spent most of her life in an orphanage. She came to me when she was 17. She just couldn't function in school anymore. It took very little time to get her ready for the GED because she was bright. She was so sad and distant. I know she was getting counselling along with her parents. Your family is doing all the right things so now it is up to God. My heart aches for you and your family and I will hold you close in prayer. Please keep us updated on her progress. (((((HUGS)))) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnR Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Just know that others are thinking of you and your daughter and praying for you both. My nephew went through something quite similar as a teenager. Trying to kill himself, cutting himself, in and out of hospitals. Today he is 29, married, a father, and finishing his doctorate. She will come through this as he did, I'm sure of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witha'K'quilting Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 prayers for your daughter...and the rest of your family. is there anyone whom she has connected with that can be that positive role model she needs? another family member, friend, anyone? 14 is a tough age. My oldest daughter just turned 15 and my next daughter is almost 14. they are trying to find themselves, fit in with others and mom and dad know very little. i do pray that she can come through this. There is hope and she needs to know she is loved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ffq-lar Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 My heart aches for the pain you and your family are going through--especially your daughter. Please know you are doing all you can. The anxiety must be excruciating since you love her so much but can't reach her. I hope for the best outcome for the journey she is on. Prayers for insight and healing so she can come out of the dark place where she now lives, in her own mind. Love and hugs--Linda Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connieb Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Your daughter, you, and your family are in my prayers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 ((((sending special hugs)))) to a very special devoted mom and wife. You are an angel. God bless you. Shana Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gator Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, I'm praying for yor daughter and family. I suffer from severe depression and have attempted the suicide many times. You can only help her so much and you are doing everything you can. You're on the right track, just be there and let her know how much she is loved. Everyone is here to listen and talk, the ladies and gents on here have helped me through a lot of my "lows". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, I'm so sorry your dtr is going through this and your family. It must be torture watching a child you love want to hurt themselves and the pain that must cause. I'm so sorry. My niece, now 16, has done this many times. She is a cutter as well and spent several visits in the hospital to keep her from hurting herself. She is now living with her grandmother and I think that is making a positive difference in her life. It is so hard to fix something that you can't see. Is she able to express any of this? I'm sure there were probably things that have happened that she might not have told anybody. Maybe a diary would help her to shed the memories? I'm sure you've tried everything. Keep up the faith and just keep loving her. I'll definitely keep her in my prayers. Here is a giant (((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))) to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaR Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Hi Darlene, It is so devastating to go through all this, for her and for You and the family. She is hurting more than anyone really knows. Tell her constantly that you love her. Have you asked her to help you quilt, piece, etc? Maybe if she participates in that or some other hobby that can be done with you or anyone else in the home. she would start talking more.. maybe not. The depression is what is causing all the rest. I won't go ino it all now, just know that she has no idea that others are offering help. She may hear it, but doesn't know it. May she learn well and live a happy life in the family she has, your family, and others loving her, and I am sure she loves all of you, though she can't say so at this point. BIG HEAPS of hugs and prayers.. lots of prayers.. Prayer does miraculous things in His will, so rest easy and trust Him all the way. God Bless RitaR Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, I wish I had some good advice for you but I haven't dealt with this...just know that we are lifting you and your daughter up in prayer. Sometimes when we think that is all we have left to do we pray, but really that is the very thing that is the best thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
calicokat Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, sending {{{hugs}}} and much prayer your way. My middle one (16) struggles with depression and I'm pretty sure has done some cutting in the past. Emotional wounds are so hard to fix, and as mom's we want to fix our babies. I"ll keep your family and especially your middle DD in my prayers. You are doing a great job of being a mom and when you are all through this valley and on the other side, your daughter will be very grateful for your love! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nineva Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, I went through this exact same thing with a very dear friend that adopted an older child from Guatamala. Blessings on you for giving these children a fabulous home. My prayers, hugs, thoughts are all with you. You are not alone. Your quilt family is behind you lifting you up. Nancy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bekah Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Darlene, first of all, thank you for coming here and sharing your pain with us. I wish we lived closer so I could give you a hug, but am sending one by cyberspace. My prayers will be added to the others that your daughter will find peace and healing and you will have the strength and wisdom you need for each day. I went through a teenage daughter that tried suicide and had a lot of other mental issues due to a large overdose of LSD when she was 15. She will turn 30 on Friday and is healthy and productive and a mom herself now. Hope always is available and your love will help her even if she does not let you know that. Please keep us all informed about this journey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chrisquilter Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Blessings to you and your family Darlene. I too lift my heart in prayer for you and ask God for the healing peace you daughter needs. Sometimes just being able to verbalize your thoughts will help you wrap your head around them and see them in a different light. If I keep my thoughts and fears trapped inside, they become great monsters in the dark. Talk to us, talk to a professional, talk to friends. Don't let the monsters grow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pat Kuhlman Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 Cutting is a release for cutters. I will be praying for your family. I will be praying for councilor for your daughter. Sometimes mental health does not show up in early childhood( sometimes the signs are there, but we dont recognise them). Mental health not only hurts the person, but it hurts everyone involved, good news is there is help for the whole family. Please look into all your options in your area, there is alot of free services, so please open every door that is available to you and your family. Prayers are being sent your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WestieMom Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 My thoughts and prayers are going out to your daughter, you and the rest of your family. I can only imagine the pain your daughter must be enduring as well as you as her parent. Don't give up hope. Rita had a good idea with getting her involved in quilting or maybe some other activity that she enjoys. My heart breaks for you and I pray that all will be ok. God Bless. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wannabelongarm Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 We will remember you in our prayers and support your daughter, and family through our church prayer group too. Tough age, and tough stuff for a teenager to deal with. I hope she can find the ability to hang on and work through the barriers, or long enough for medication to work, if she is on it. Take care of yourself, too, as hard as that is sometimes. I pray that healing and peace will ease her heart, mind and soul. Joanne Flamand, Artistic Quilt Design Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quilted charm Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 It is so hard to understand anything we can't see or have a lab value or xray or something to diagnose the problem. The mind is such a closed off place, and hard to get to. As you said only God can see the problem, and knows what HIS solution is, so we all hold you up to HIM, to help you get through this dark time, and pray that you all come through it together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barbara Conquest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 I can't express how deeply I feel for you. Depression is fully as serious as any physical ailment, and the consequences can last longer. Our daughter -- not adopted -- was seriously depressed, suicidal, hospitalized more than once during her mid-late teens and we all suffered terribly. However therapy, understanding medical personnel, constant reassurance of our love, patience, proper medication, extremely hard work on her part, and time have all helped considerably. She now leads a normal life as a young employed wife and mother. The chemical imbalance that leads to depression is often hereditary (as is hers) and you probably don't have your daughter's family history. Just wanted you to know that whatever "brand" of depression she suffers from is treatable; I'm with you more than you know! Barbara Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda G. Craig Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 From the heart of a mother to the heart of a mother, please know you are not alone in this, so many who love and support you and your family at this difficult time. Sending you all prayers and the power of positive thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmwife Darlene Posted April 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted April 8, 2012 Update 04.08: Thank you all for your encouragements and prayers. With God all things are truly possible. She's been on medication and a synthetic replacement for Oxytocin - a natural hormone our brain makes for over 30 days now and we've truly done a 180. She is feeling better and said she 'wasn't depressed now!' She doesn't want to take her meds anymore but I gently remind her that is why she is feeling better and we don't want to go back to that point again. She agreed! This board of ladies and gentlemen are truly amazing. Thank you for being here and thank you for the prayers. It means a lot to me just to have you listen and think of us. Thank you again and God bless you always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted April 9, 2012 Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Darlene, Thanks for your update and I am so glad to hear that she is doing better. Will continue to keep her in my thoughts and prayers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted April 9, 2012 Report Share Posted April 9, 2012 Darlene, I'm so glad that the meds are working and life is getting easier for all of you. thanks for the update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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