ffq-lar Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Why does this make me feel like I just dumped a boyfriend? (and I haven't had a boyfriend for 40 years!) This is a friend I met at my guild. She has been a regular customer for years--some years she would bring me a quilt a month. What was the problem? She was a good-natured bully, felt entitled to extra service/quilting/advice because we were friends, would enter my studio and snoop through bags and take out tops to look at, and wheedled every way to pay less less less for the quilting. She even would come by unannounced, view a finished quilt hanging for presentation, and then let my customer know at the next guild meeting that she "saw her finished quilt first"--that went over big and we had words about that for sure. She was banned from my studio without a pick-up or drop-off appointment. Sheesh! Yet she was funny, active, and interesting to talk to. (another sigh) A couple of years ago another guild mate purchased an ancient Nolting, practiced like a trouper, and started offering any size quilted overall for $50. My "friend" was all over that like butter on hot corn on the cob! My standing quilt-a-month went away without explanation (I knew that she knew that I knew what was up, but hey--no biggy--she was off my list--making room for some new customers who didn't mind paying for more than an overall.) We still talked at guild and belonged to a small group together. I watched her drop off and pick up her bargain-quilted tops for a year. Then the newbie raised her prices. Now my buddy was back, insistent that we go back to the old ways. I let her know I had raised my prices, was booked until May, blah blah--to no avail. She insisted she needed a quilt done in January. I said I was booked until May and would put her on the schedule--this was in November. January she brings a top to guild and informs me this is her January quilt--I say no no no, she says yes yes yes you promised, I say no no no--call me tomorrow and we will talk. Then she loudly informs all the ears who were eagerly taking in our conversation "Be careful when you book a spot with Linda. Her memory is going! Be sure to call her to confirm". Me?--speechless! Hard to believe that being speechless would happen to me, huh? Well, we talked the next day and I fired her. Or broke up with her. Whichever... She was stunned. I gave her the choice of my being her friend or being her quilter. Upshot--I am no longer her quilter and she is not speaking to me--Is that a win/win? I am trying to figure out why this self-inflicted situation has me second-guessing myself. She drove me absolutely crazy for four years, but I will miss the personal contact with her. I'm a dork..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witha'K'quilting Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Wow...does sound like you broke up with a loser boyfriend to me! I would leave it as is. Who really needs her with that attitude! You now have more time to devote to your other customers. Don't need one to drag you down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MastiffMomQlt Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Sounds like a win-win, but she's gotten under your skin. She's manipulated & disrespected you by the sounds of it. I'm sorry you're feeling like you've just had a break up, but if you remember the people you've split with, it stings at first, but makes room for good stuff I say buh-bye to her & wish her well but realize with your talent, you have clients who are delighted that you quilt for them & I'm sure you have friends who love & respect you. I know just from this forum that I appreciate your expertise, generosity & talent. Life is short & you don't need to not be treated well. That's my opinionated opinion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Let me help you feel better and confirm that you did indeed do the right thing. She was an abuser and took advantage at every opportunity. You were a very patient person to put up with her for the last 4 years. I think it is a win win for you now! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Judi Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Yeicks Linda - and Good for you - Shame on her!!! Double shame-shame!!@%$$! :mad::mad: About time I think! Have a glass of wine, a bar of Chocolate or go buy some fabric. What ever you need to do to get yourself through this break-up. You are much better off without her in your life!!! insert country music here ..... "God is Great, Beer is Good..... and people are crazy!!" :cool: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Linda I'll 2nd what Kristina says! Good for you! Tell her you got up with your big girl panties on.:P:P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ReisingStarQuilts Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Linda, you did good! Now stick by your decision. With friends like that you dont need enemies. Dont beat yourself about this, you made the right move!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibbyG Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Linda, You're too nice and people take advantage of your good nature. I'm guessing that you've always looked on the bright side of the relationship and constantly made excuses for her behavior. However, friends don't treat friends like that. She's a user and now that you've stood up for yourself, she's trying to make it look like you've done something wrong. She's totally manipulative and letting her know you won't tolerate this behavior anymore has her stunned. Continue to stick up for yourself and she'll start to treat you with more respect. Hpefully by then, you'll realize you're happier with her out of your life. We're all behind you on this one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoseCity Quilter Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 You did the right thing, now you are second guessing yourself because you are tooooo nice... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mary Beth Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 First, you are not a dork. You are a goof ball, but not because of this situation....you just can't help yourself Second, this woman was not your "friend". Friends do not use each other as she was doing. You are feeling like you are feeling because you enjoyed her company and her personality....when she wasn't badgering you to quilt for her. I get that! Anyone who knows you as a professional quilter knows that her loud blabbing at the meeting was just blabbing. If you have a waiting list from November to May....you don't need her. You have enough to keep you busy. You don't need her. Hey, and you still have us Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sspingler Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 You did the right thing for sure. She was a user, not a friend. I also had to fire a customer. She would just walk right into the house, whether I was home or not. She said "but it's your business"...........no, it's my HOUSE where I just happen to do business. One time I came home from grocery shopping to find a bag with a quilt top and backing sitting on my couch. It sat there for over a month because I had no idea who it belonged to. Since then I started locking my door. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mswings Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 It sounds like she was never really a friend. Friends don't treat one another like that. I say it's a win win. Move on and don't worry or think about it anymore. Take a nice deep breath and let it go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeeAnn Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 what Mary Beth said. She was no friend if she used you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wendy-ON Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 I tend to be far too patient with people myself, but I think I would have put my foot down with this one as you have. I suspect that she's known at guild for her behavior, as I'm sure her rudeness hasn't just been directed at you over the years. Years ago I had a "friend" who broke up with me.....she said that I didn't meet up with her expectations of a friend. She felt I spent too much time with my daughters (I was a new single mom to 4, oldest was 14 youngest was 6) she complained that I didn't spend enough time chatting with her on the phone every day and that if I was going shopping I should invite her and not go with my girls.....she was also a quilter who took up tons of my time to help her. at first I was stunned and a bit hurt but in the end it was such a huge relief...yep some people are crazy!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonequilting75 Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Linda, Believe me it is a win win situation!!! There are givers and takers in this world and she was a taker. Don't beat yourself up about what has occurred. You are feeling a loss and you will get over it but it takes time. Trust me I have had a similar situation and I am much happier with the individual in my life. You are too nice a person, so do not let this bother you and move on. Lee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gonequilting75 Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Sorry I meant to say "happier without this individual in my life" Lee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltmonkey Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Linda, let me tell you a few things: 1) a "friend" would never manipulate to get what they want 2) a "friend" would never patronize or embarrass you in a crowd of other people standing by 3) She was never your friend from the beginning; she is a busy body and a bore, not to mention horribly insecure 4) The woman is a psycho-witch with a big fat broom 5) People in your guild know the "real" truth and can see right through her facade 6) You don't need to prove yourself; everyone that knows you knows the real you. Know what I mean? 7) Sure, you feel hurt (rightly so) because you gave her chances again and again, even though ...(reference #4 above) 8) Give yourself a little time to decompress. I think in a few days you will feel better. 9) You are better off now; you learned a lesson. TIme to move onward and upward 10) You are a good person 11) Yes, you are a dork but that is why I love you! 12) Us dorks gotta stick together... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandmaLKB Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 NOT a friend.........just a bully and user. Good ridance. She has probably done this to others, too. I think I would have set her straight right in front of the group after that nasty statement she made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GrandmaLKB Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 OK, did I miss the post about how the micro-managing husband's quilt turned out ??? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nineva Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Hey,,,,save some stories for tomorrow....I am in the dork club too.....You are awesome....never forget it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenslug Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 THREE CHEERS FOR LINDA!!! Marilyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oma Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Give yourself enough time to recover from this and you'll be slapping yourself on the forehead and muttering out loud about why you let it go on for so long. You didn't lose a friend...she did. If you get to feeling you need another friend I'll be standing in line with all of the other ones on this forum with my hand in the air saying "pick me...pick me". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Busy Quilting Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 So People come into our lives for a reason, a season , or a lifetime........ she wasn't a lifetimer! Lyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suzanp Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 Originally posted by Busy Quilting So People come into our lives for a reason, a season , or a lifetime........ she wasn't a lifetimer! Lyn Linda, I thinks Lyn has it. I have had this happen to me, I teach patchwork, and my "friends" are few, I have been Mrs. pattern, Mrs. book club, and Mrs. can you do this and can you give me that. All quilt related, but my real friends are lifetimers. They respect me and I respect them even if they do or do not do quilting. Well, life is short and we never know what is around the corner, so live and be happy!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SandraG Posted March 5, 2011 Report Share Posted March 5, 2011 You will be better off in the long run. Find a friend who will not abuse you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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