DoryJM Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 He has a really tough decision to make. His mom has been in Assisted Living for the past three weeks. Tuesday, she had a severe stroke and cannot move her right side, nor can she swallow or talk. She's 94. Donna broke her hip just before she turned 92. Until that time, she lived alone and still drove herself around. After recuperating from the hip fracture, she moved in with us for 14 mos. Then she got to a point where we could no longer care for her; thus the Assisted Living. Now she's in the hospital and Dennis has made the decision to not insert a feeding tube (she's a full DNR). However, the doc explained to him this morning that as long as they've got her on IV fluids, she will continue to hang on in this state. He needs to make the decision to stop the fluids and let her go peacefully, or take a chance that she might get better--or worse yet, she may never talk or be able to do anything on her own and will just hang on. He's an only child and has to make the decision himself. One of his daughters is in the medical profession, so they're talking about it. Although his mom told him that she never wanted to live in the state she's in now, he's still having a really hard time making a decision. Prayers for him would be greatly appreciated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doodlebug Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 {{{hug}}}} Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butterfly Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 We had to go through that with my husbands mom. My prayers are with him. Jess Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darlene Epp Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dear Dory! I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a very tough decision to make, I know. All Dennis can do is try to abide by what his Mom would want for herself. Is she responsive at all? If she can respond to questions and answer them in any way, by the squeeze of a hand, or blink of an eye, you'll feel better knowing you at least asked her what her wishes are. Love & hugs going south, and prayers going up! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bonnie Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Gene and Tom had to make this same choice in February and its not easy by any sense of the word. Just know that we are thinking of Dennis at this time and that we are SO SORRY your family has to go through this. Huge hugs to you both. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meg Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 I'm praying Dory. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joyce Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 AS tough as it is he will make the right decision. Prayers are with you all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Neher-in-law5 Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 My prayers are with you and Dennis. When my fil had fallen at Assisted living and was in the hospital there were not many options for the family either. He also didn't want to be "brought back". It was hard for the family (one son in particular) to decide to just go with the comfort care, but as soon as that decision was made and the nurses notified, within 5 minutes the nurse stepped back in the room we were meeting in and told us that Merlin was gone. I felt that with that timing, Merlin had just told his kids, "you did the right thing, thank you." Even through the grief they had peace because they had not opted for the plan that would continue to give him pain. May God hold Dennis and you in his peace through this full process. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
witha'K'quilting Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 My prayers too for the right decision for Dennis and his mom. Bless his heart. He seems to already know her wishes...but the decision is never an easy one. Hugs from me to both of you. I am so sorry he is faced with this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IBQLTN2 Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 praying Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoleneK Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Prayers to Dennis and his mother and you, Dory, to be there for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lnieland Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Prayers are being said for Dennis, his mother, and you. We had to make a similar decision when my dad was hospitalized. No, it's not easy, but whatever decision he makes will be the right one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quiltingjoyful51 Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Prayers for you and Dennis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawaii Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 praying comfort and wisdom your way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest LA Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 So sorry to hear that Dory, life choices can be so difficult & stressful, even more so in times like this. I am sure the right path to take will soon show it's self for the direction & choice you all have to make, you know how things are meant to be, just turn out the way they are meant it be, it will be the best for all concerned, hang in there & take it day by day! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Primitive1 Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dory and Dennis, Hugs and Prayers for you both! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KathG Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dory, Dennis, his mum and yourself are in my prayers and thoughts. We had to make the same decision for my Dear Father in 2007. Definately not an easy decision, but I know he will make the right choice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrazyAboutQuilting Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dory, sending ((((((hugs))))))))))))) and prayers for all of you! We had to do the same thing for my dad 7 years ago. It is such a hard thing to do. When you talk about DNR and things like that with your parents when everyone is healthy, it seems to make so much sense and seems like an easy decision. But when the time actually comes, it is more difficult than you ever expected because you know that once they are gone, that's it. It's so final. So I will pray for strength for all of you to get through this very hard time. Just know that we are all here for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustSewSimple Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 May God keep you close during this troubling time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RitaR Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dory, when our son was ion his death bed, they said the easiest way to go was to let dehydration take them.. no IV's but for meds, if really needed, no feeding tubes... etc. It really is simple and not too hard on the family besides making that initial decision which our son made years earlier.. Prayers for your hubby that he can be comforted that he had a mom such a long time, has always done his best for her, and will be doing just that with this last decision.. I'm sure she would have wanted the same, the alternate not being a very pleasant way to live.. Give a call if you want to talk, or email privately... Sorry for both of you and His mom... prayers for all, to make her life comfy, his decisions not painful to him, or you, and just thank God for such a Good Mom. Ritar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yankiequilter Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Prayers for you and Dennis and his mother, and prayers that God will give comfort to all with the decision that is made. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Linda G. Craig Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Prayers and ((((hugs)))) to you and Dennis, and the rest of your family as well. I'm thinking of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Linda S Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Oh wow. What a horrible situation to be in. However, I have asked that I be a DNR myself. If your mom expressed those wishes, they should most likely be honored. Is she able to communicate in any way? If her wish is to be allowed to go, it should be respected. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsbishwit Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dory & Dennis, prayers being sent for guidence, courage & stregnth. I am sorry that you and Dennis are having to make this hard decision, may God guide you through it with grace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Quilting Heidi Posted August 19, 2010 Report Share Posted August 19, 2010 Dory, Lots of prayers and hugs for you and Dennis. This is a really tough decision and one that none of us want to follow. Just tell him to listen to his heart...it will never lead you down the wrong path. Remember Mrs. Becker the older lady that my mom took care of, well her roommate had almost this exact thing happen. Her daughter decided to put in the feeding tube and the lady is still alive. She has been living in this state for 3 1/2 years and is non-responsive but just won't let go. She can't move even a finger and most of the time her eyes are closed. They move her in and out of bed but that is about it. Hard decisions for sure. More prayers coming for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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